Recto Queso

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Recto queso
Recto Queso

Recto Queso, which roughly translated means Rectum Cheese is a popular condiment especially in the Central America region. It's taste of nutty/cheesy/wonderfullness is said to go extremely well with a wide range of food items most notably burritos and Doritos brand corn chips, pretty much anything that ends with -itos! it's origins and ingredients are relatively unknown and are kept secret by the Mexican government so they can blackmail United States politicians, or whitemail in the case of the popular new president Barack Obama.

edit Ingredients

The ingredients are a closely guarded secret by the Mexican government but lab tests have been successful in revealing some of the key ingredients. These ingredients being: milk, tomatoes, goat meat, 3 different cheeses ( cheddar, Mexican cheddar (cheddar with tequila)and an unknown cheese that is apparently responsible for much of the stank taste), 16.5 different types of beans (it is from Central America), as well it occasionally contains various nuts and corn. the other ingredients are unknown and research has stopped to prevent an international incident with Mexico.

edit Origins

The origin of Recto Queso is shrouded in mystery other than the fact that we know the concoction was first spawned between the years 1400 and 1425 AD. There has been much interest in figuring out the origins of Recto Queso and this interest has brought about an entirely new sub-section of Anthropology. Recto Queso Focusing Anthropologists or Recquesologists as they are more commonly known scour Central America in search of historical evidence and writings that provide information on the origins of Recto Queso. These brave historians have fought hordes of Rare Mexican Gorillas in search of the truth and some have been lucky enough to discover things previously unknown. One such discovery lead to severally decreasing the area that the first Recto Queso was created from just somewhere in Central America to somewhere along the modern day Mexican/American border.

Juavier Sanchez
painting of good ol' Dirty Sanchez droping some stink bombs. You can really see the concentration

There are varying theories on what lead to the first creation of the mysterious recipe, some say it was sent here by god, other say the recipe was stolen from the Central American Bigfoot who died out in the early 1600's, but the most accepted theory is that it was created by and named after the famed military leader Senior Juavier "Dirty" Sanchez.

This Theory states that at the battle of Burrito (1412 AD) on the Plains of Salsa Juavier stumbled upon the recipe after winning the fight but then died that night at the victory party from alcohol poisoning due to too much tequila intake. The theory continues to state that he told an unknown soldier about the wonderful concoction that same night before his death, it's said that his drunken ramblings and slurred words messed up the original recipe but created the even greater Recto Queso that is popular today.

edit Price

The average cost of a jar or Recto Queso is roughly $3.00 USD or 56,000 Pesos. And because of it's amazing taste it has made the Mexican government millions of dollars bringing the Mexican president to a level of wealth only overcome by Bill Gates.

edit Other Uses

Recto Queso is a long burning fuel that can hold a flame for several hours. Some even dispute that it was an early unknown form of Recto Queso that was used in the tale of Hanukkah, not oil though this theory has absolutely no facts to back it up and is thought to just be the ramblings of some Jewish fellow that was tweaked out on acid or salvia. It is also rumored to be used in several Central American cults as a sacrificial element to the gods.

And more recently some gossip on the internet has lead to Recto Queso being used in several sexual acts, though this is not advised by the Mexican government and has been deemed dangerous by the FBSAB or Federal Beurau of Sexual Acting and Bum.

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