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Saturday, May 25, 2013, 11:41 (UTC)
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  CAPE COD, Massachusetts -- Sweaty-palmed biologists are swarming on this weird looking piece of land, surrounded by treacherous ocean, seeking to capture and necropsy as many newly discovered flying sharks as possible.
First to discover the new species was Chatham resident Olly Cadaverously, while taking a bath last week with the windows open. Mr. Cadaverously had arranged 8 cameras to live-feed his bathing rituals over the internet, and fortunately for science, the incident was recorded in 7.1 surround sound. Full story»  BRADFORD, Bradfordshire -- Scientists have recently proven that George Lucas was correct when he announced at the start of each Star Wars film that the galaxy represented in the film was "A long time ago" and "Far, far away." Lucas, an astronomer, born in this galaxy very recently, has claimed for many years that the film he took through his telescope of a civil war in another galaxy were of a galaxy a long time ago and far, far away. Full story»
 'MILWUAKEE, WI – Marcy Skowronski, 87, the owner of Holler House, Milwaukee's finest bar-cum-bowling alley, doesn't count just on tenpins and pitchers of beer to fill out her bottom line. She also depends heavily—some say “top-heavily”—upon her establishment's female patrons' habit of tossing their brassieres onto skis hanging from the barroom's ceiling. The practice, which began 45 years ago, has become a tradition among floozies who have hoisted one too many round during a night on the town.
In fact, the custom is the source of the business' name, Skowronski says: “I call my place 'Holler House' because the boys holler—quite a bit—whenever one of the women tosses her bra.” Full story»  “Boys will be boys,” Hagel admitted, “especially when the ranks are full of hot young women who fill out their uniforms in ways that “just naturally get men's attention.” However, the fact that sexual assaults have “put the military services on the nation's radar” is a clear indication, he says, that service members need “further training” in the subtleties of conducting such assaults without drawing “unwarranted attention.” Full story»  VANCOUVER, Canada -- Signing into the site, a rush of excitement always occurred. Would I be lucky today? Did the girl from the internet cafe in Fiji take me up on my offer? Did the guy in Texas get the point that I am not visiting him!?
Online dating is fun. It is also frustrating and weird. My experiment with the site Plenty of Fish began when searching for "plant food" on a lesser-known search engine on the outskirts of the Internet. Full story» | Latest news    
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| Your birthday this week: Gemini! You were born with a prehensile tail, but your parents never told you about it, you little freak. Your dual nature can lower your chances of passing that drivers test. Believing that Dracula is real will get you far in life. Vocations of Geminis include seal and otter repair, hated business executive, competitive eater, lambaster and prophet.
Famous Geminis include Bonnie Tyler, Abe Vigoda, BILLY MAYS, Lance Bass , Oprah Winfrey, Krispy Kreme , James T. Kirk , Mao Zhe Tung , Steven Colbert and Wendy Thomas . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| About UnNews
UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story» |  This day in 2011 |
TV Highlights May 25
Finish Your Peas Drama Future shock Science documentary Viewers in the United States can receive these broadcasts by notifying their local cable provider that they would like the Highbrow Package, which includes all these channels plus several in Hindi and complete coverage of Smackdown Wrestling. Viewers in the UK might try contacting their local BT network for an upgrade from only receiving two channels to receiving three and all in colour. Viewers in Australia or New Zealand might want to turn their TVs upside down (right way up) so that they can receive the signal. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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