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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

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Friday, July 29, 2016, 06:05:59 (UTC)

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PLYMOUTH, England -- The Royal Navy’s newest warships keep breaking down in the Persian Gulf, because they were not designed for operating while in “hot water.”

The House of Commons was informed that the Royal Navy would not be able to go to sea “much of the time in any place, and on very few days of the year.” Full story»

WWEKANE
TAMPA, Florida -- Hillary Clinton has named WWE star “Kane” to be her running mate.

Kane is a theatrical battleground-state politician with working-class roots and a vise-like headlock — traits that she believes will put Donald Trump out for the count in November. Full story»


Stephanie Rawlings-Blake
UnNews Logo Potato1LEFT WING
PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania -- The Democratic Party nominating convention got under way here without any of the controversy swirling around the Republican Party event.

Whereas the GOP had to deal with a politician's wife cribbing lines that rightly belonged to the politician's wife who stole them first, the Democrats survived the first day with only the surprise resignation of the party's national chairwoman. Full story»

Trump supervillains
UnNews Logo Potato1RIGHT WING
CLEVELAND, Ohio -- The 2016 Republican Nominating Convention confirmed Donald Trump as the candidate for U.S. President, turning back a move by the law-and-order party to break state election laws and nominate anyone else.

To harmonize with Trump's theme in the primary, "Make America Great Again," while trying to make it mean something definite, each day of the convention had its own stirring copycat theme, and even before Melania Trump gave a copycat speech. Full story»


800px-Mesquite Sand Dunes
UnNews Logo Potato1NAVEL-GAZING
WIKIA CITY, California -- After the massacre known as the "Nice attack," the entire UnNews Arabia bureau has walked off the job.

Senior UnNews Editors asserted, on their way out the door, that the competing demands to make articles relate to real-world news and add original comedy that does not sound like advocacy are impossible in today's world, which has become so ridiculous that it is flatly impossible to ridicule it. Full story»

Bloody the frizz jpeg
UnNews Logo Potato1OTHER BODY PARTS
NICE, France - French authorities say that the lorry driver in the Bastille Day’s routine mass death event was Ms. Frizzle, the former star of the children’s educational series The Magic School Bus.

It was nearly four months since she was reported missing from the PBS Nursing Home for Dead Characters. How she ended up in the south of France is anybody’s guess. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights July 29


Opportunity Knox Comedy
ABC 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Accused murderer hottie Amanda Knox answers a roommate wanted ad from a retired Mars rover - hilarity ensues as they clash about everything from kitchen duties to panties drying on the deep space antennae.

Viral Videos ?
TBS 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Every supposedly hilarious you-tube video you've already been linked to one hundred times on Facebook, in case your day was not dreadful enough already.

TV Highlights Readers Documentary
Discovery 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
People who read the TV Highlights section.
No, you're not in it.
What, you think you're the only one who reads this crap?
Stupid narcissist.

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