Real

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“Nothing is real.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Real

“The Matrix is not real”
~ Neo on the matrix

You are not reading this article.

Nothing is real. You are only imagining this article. The word "real" does not exist. Stop imagining things. You are not real. Your computer is not real. Reality is not real. Uncyclopedia is not real. Oscar Wilde is not real. The quote was not real. This sentence and all previous sentences are not real. Your eyes are not real. Your mouse is not real. The Earth is flat, but flat is not real. Your monitor is not real. Imagination is not real. You are delusional. You are not real. There are no such thing as delusions. You should go to a mental hospital. Mental hospitals do not exist. You have no Sense. Sense is not real. You are on LSD. LSD is not real. You are insane. There is no such word as "insane." Are you convinced that nothing is real yet? You are, but you are not real. We believe that you are suffering from a mental disorder. There is no disorder. You will now be sent to Room 101. There is no Room 101. There are no mental disorders. This is the truth. There is no truth. Believe me. I do not exist. Continue reading, and you will cease to exist; you did not exist in the first place. There is no spoon!

STOP IMAGINING THIS SENTENCE!

Etymology

  • Re- would mean "again" if it existed.
  • -al is an IMAGINARY SUFFIX that cannot exist. (There is no such word as suffix)

Thus, real is not a real word. Nor is word truly a real word either. None of the words that are written here are real, they are a symbolic representation of the imaginary thoughts running through your head. You are not real. Now stop imagining things.

Part of Speech

Speech has no parts. Speech is not real. Parts are only figments of your imagination (which is not real).

The Nature of Reality

Reality has no nature because there is no:

  • Nature
  • Reality
  • No

No is not real. Is is not real. Not is not real. Real is not real. NO!

Therapy

Part 1

This article does not exist. You do not exist. You are not looking at a monitor. You do not exist. You are insane. You do not exist.

  • The word "The" does not exist.
    • The word "word" does not exist.
      • Quotation marks do not exist.
        • The word "Quotation" does not exist.
          • The word "The" does not exist.
            • The word "Word" does not exist.
              • etc.
                • ...

Part 2

You have read nothing. There is nothing. You are illiterate. There is no such thing as "illiteracy."

  • You do not exist.
    • The bullet point does not exist.
      • The word "The" does not exist.
        • ...
          • The ellipsis does not exist.

Part 3

“I think; therefore I am.”
~ René Descartes on Existence

Descartes was not real. Thinking is not real. No quotes are real. Stop thinking. You cannot think. Sink slowly into oblivion. There is no oblivion. You cannot sink because there is no water. There are no liquids. There is no time, your sword is enough. There is no you. There is no sword. There is no such concept as "enough". Sink slowly into oblivion... You are not real...

List of Things that are Real

  • Nothing
  • President John F. Kerry
  • Tinker Toys

List of Things That Are Not Real

Reality

Are you sure you just read an article about how nothing is real, what are you, you're not even real?

Conclusion

You are not real. The fact that you are not real is not real. The fact that the fact that you are not real is not real. This fact is also not real. This creates a paradox.

Paradoxes are not real.

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