Rasta Jesus

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Black jesus.
Rasta Jesus on vacation on the Island.
“He smokes weed just like me, looks alot like me too.... ”
~ Weezy F. Baby on Rasta Jesus
“He is like Black Jesus for the rest of us”
~ Whoopi Goldberg on Rasta Jesus
“He is the one guy who could probably acctually get me”
~ Kim on Rasta Jesus
“THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS ONE OF MY MOTHERFUCKIN MOTHERFUCKERS!”
~ Samuel L Jackson on Rasta Jesus
“I pity the fool who don't know Rasta Jesus”
~ Mr.T on Rasta Jesus

Rasta Jesus or Black Jesus Mark I was born a really long time ago back before weed was illegal, and also before being black was cool. Without Rasta Jesus we would not have such great people as Bob Marley who was Rasta Jesus's Great Great Great Grandson.

edit Creation

When God was bored one day he got the idea to give each ethnicity their own Jesus because he didn't think it was cool everybody had to worship the same white Jesus and found it a little racist. He went to work and got all the other Jesus's done and sent them on their way but when he got to black Jesus he accidentally dropped his joint in the Jesus press and instead of regular black Jesus thery got rasta Jesus, a six foot six black man with a urge to smoke weed all day long.

edit Rollin in Jamaica

So for some reason unknown to the rest of us God sent Rasta Jesus to Jamaica where he became a well off drug dealer and preacher. His best customer was his homie who smoked weed when he was not out on crack binges or being getting fucked in the ass by Jeff. It is known that once a year Rasta Jesus Goes off to an Island where he spends his break.

edit Rasta Jesus: Zombie Slayer and The Super Negro Power Force 5

In the year 2025 after the end of World War IV the nuke set off turned all the dead people in to zombies and shit (literal shit) with all of his friends turned into zombies and shit he had to call on his niggas Samuel L Jackson, Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre and his son, Lil Wayne. This team became known as The Super Negro Power Force 5 and they were just striaght up gangsta and so they defeated all the zombies and cleaned up all the shit. Making the world it's old grimy dirty self again.

edit Other Facts

  • Rasta Jesus is in fact, black
  • Rasta Jesus is his name
  • He smokes weed
  • White Jesus Doesn't like him
  • He is in fact, Lil Wayne's father
  • He is one of Oscar Wilde's best friends
  • He is friends with Black Jesus because they are basically the same person
  • Rasta Jesus is one of the only Jesii not on the list of major or minor Jesii
  • He is one of Samuel L Jackson's Motherfuckers

edit See also:


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