Glasgow Rangers

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The Goatse inspired emblem of Rangers

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Glasgow Rangers.

“Mon the 'Gers! We Are The People!”

~ Attila the Hun

“I have nothing to declare except my strong support for Rangers.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Rangers

“When the fans shouted "sixteen ninety" I thought it was the team's transfer value ”

~ Archie McPherson on Rangers

“We are delighted to announce our new sponsorship with Tampax, due to the fact that the club is going through a bad period.”

~ Rangers Board

Rangers FC (Also known as " "The Forces of Darkness", "Satan's XI", "The Forces of Shite", "The Dirty Orange Bastards" and "WATP") Scottish football are a shite football club in govan. Rangers have always hated Celtic because Rangers never won the European Cup and Celtic are far superior and better dressed than the bigoted "Bears" on the other side of Glesga. Their most famous game was the one that Celtic won the European Cup in 1967 - the one that Rangers never won, or played in. Rangers play their home matches at the only stadium in Scotland where you can find almost 50,000 fat,ugly baldy orcs at the one time. This staduim is commonly referred to as Ibrox, Castle Greyskull,Mount Doom or the Grand Orange Lodge of Glasgow.

[edit] Hell

“Welcome to Ibrox stadium, if you have not done so already, please remember to set your watches back 25 years”

~

Rangers play their home games at Ibrox, Scotlands finest lavatory, situated in the city of Glasgow. Also known as Castle Greyskull, Hell, and "The Big Lavvy", it houses 52,000 Huns. Legend has it that some songs which do not contain extreme right wing, racist or highly bigoted material are sung by members of the home support at home games but this has yet to be proven. It was constructed based on the design ideas of Adolf Hitler, Satan, and William of Orange, and has since been proven to have the highest concentration of hatred, racism, and bigotry in the world; a fact all involved with the club are very proud of.

[edit] the Mythology of Victory

“I think there’s a binary opposition here, victory and Rangers? Together?”

~ Claude Levi Strauss on Rangers

'Rangers', as a concept, came together at a meeting between Glasgow's finest Protestant minds: William 'Billy' Shakin Stevens, Andre previn, Reginald Struth, Walter Smith, Ian Paisley's mother, and Billy from The Loudoun). There has been much discussion by the members about the disturbing Fenianification of Glasgow: a Protestant bar called 'Neils' had changed to 'O’Neill’s', an O’Brien’s sandwich bar had set up shop in the city, and O`Riordan's bench-warming clinic had recently been erected in the city centre. There were fears that, in just a few years, every landmark in the city would have an O added to it, the trademark prefix of Fenianification. The trio debated upon a possible name for the proposed heroically successful British club to rival the recently formed Celtic. After a few minutes thinking time, Walter Smith sat back in his chair and, with that big smug grin of his, told the room he had the answer. The club would be named after the only word in the English dictionary that couldn't be made more Irish even with the letter O in front of it. "Adding an O` to 'Ranger' won't make it Irish", Walter proudly proclaimed, "It'll make it 'Orange'".

They have 5 stars on every Rangers top today. This is to remember the 5 Catholic Scots to have played for the club. It is a fact they are very proud of because any more would not be welcome. Some Rangers supporters believe that the 5 stars represent 50 league titles. But that would be 50 stars silly billy.

[edit] Supporters

Off-duty Scottish policemen at the UEFA Cup Final in Manchester, where they clashed with grown-up law officers, a spawning the comically affectionate term "the manchester 49-ers".

Rangers supporters are very loyal to the queen and tend to sign up to shagging her once in a while.The Most famous Rangers fan is Pope Bob Malcom The Second. A large portion of them tend to let others do their thinking for them, namely a Mr Martin Bain, Sir David Murray who is a famous Irish dancer and the BBC's special envoy to Ibrox, Chico Murray.

Their support for the Catholic Monks of Buckfast Abbey is renowned, as Rangers are a broad church and welcome all. They also actively support the 'Big Jock Knew' campaign, which admirably makes reference to the fact that Big Jock did "know", as he was one of the brightest managerial minds ever to grace a dugout and he "knew" how to win the european cup.

[edit] Honors

• The Battle of the Boyne: 1690
• The Battle of Culloden: 1745
• First World War: 1919
• Second World War: 1945
• Scottish League championships (52): Add some years after 1891

• Scottish Cup winners (31): Add some years 1893

• League Cup winners (24): Add a few years after 1947

• European cup winners cup:1972
• Rangers also hold the honour of having the oldest player in professional football David Weir aged 234, such a signing has proved successful for the club who economically are in dire straits as David requires a low salary because of his pension benefits and concessions pass on transport.

[edit] See Also

• Greatness
• Barry Ferguson - Captain of Scotland, with a reasonable salary(mainly through the slave trade). Also addicted to Calpol and fighting outside chip shops.
• Alex McLeish
• Protestantism