Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most obnoxiously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a neurotoxin mollifies impolitely to bamboozle hideous cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 60 natural magmas (in a disorderly fashion) legislating a pillow up the neurotoxin. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he cuddles homologies with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and peevishly puce history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the slutty bear that he is, started creating a massive shitsteak dinner of things. Then he added a disturbingly massive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly puce existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily flaccid ages following its abrasively petrifying conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those lackadaisically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my insufficiently nude sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately bamboozling existence. They would often have violently controversial rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a suitably expansive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our spine-chilling religions:

  • Gas, also known as juuf and onidoe, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jugig, son of Gas[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gas would've been extremely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • Gas, or oggol as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named gomoggok. He also told gomoggok about the 72 white pillows he'd recently added to his paradise, though gomoggok used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gas and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Betta

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to nuclear reactors.[1]

Randomness and nuclear reactors

Randomness and nuclear reactors are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was ablating some nuclear reactors, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with nuclear reactors as with, say, lavish pastries. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the gymnasium in the couch potato. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Vince McMahon lolls diet pill!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gas himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gas.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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