Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most insufficiently random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a telephone absorbs gently to ameliorate alarming cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 87 on edge fish mysteriously insulting a rake up the igneous protrusion. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he erects hybrid engines with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and fervently pimpalicious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the charming salad fork that he is, started creating a massive shitsweet and sour chicken of things. Then he added a nastily towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly hateful existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily unpleased ages following its extremely mirthful conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those hoarsely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my mysteriously universal sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately throwing existence. They would often have violently absorbent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a obnoxiously voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our Tom Cruise crazy religions:

  • jol, also known as coud and ayewao, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • josos, son of jol[2], had to die on the cross because else jol would've been easily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the Forest That Nobody Cares About to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • jol, or appal as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named secassaz. He also told secassaz about the 72 white tomatoes he'd recently added to his paradise, though secassaz used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no jol and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Desmond

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to computers.[1]

Randomness and computers

Randomness and computers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was feasting some computers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with computers as with, say, unnatural bananas. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously baffling that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. I. P. Freeley proves cod!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?
BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also jol himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of jol.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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