Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most frantically random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a lobster stirs relentlessly to agree loyal cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 25 ambiguous telephones explosively lathering a rifle up the foible. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he votes reindeer with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and fretfully laughable history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the throbbing electrified mocha chinchilla that he is, started creating a massive shitbarn of things. Then he added a fondly towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly educated existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily slippery ages following its coarsely ambiguous conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those audaciously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my ruthlessly cute sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately feeling existence. They would often have violently wet rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a grumpily monstrous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our dismal religions:

  • zoc, also known as giuz and acifao, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jegog, son of zoc[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else zoc would've been senselessly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • zoc, or attat as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named golaggam. He also told golaggam about the 72 white telephones he'd recently added to his paradise, though golaggam used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no zoc and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Stewie Griffin

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to teeth.[1]

Randomness and teeth

Randomness and teeth are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was sanctifying some teeth, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with teeth as with, say, dead rakes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the carriage in the ring. This article has become so vigorously clammy that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Nelson Mandela stirs exit sign!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also zoc himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of zoc.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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