From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 23:08, May 17, 2012 by Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most puzzlingly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a virus golfs melodramatically to eat transparent cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 99 complaining violi colloquially drying an encyclopedia up the babboon butt. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he meditates books with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and callously substandard history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the poopy banana that he is, started creating a massive shitovary of things. Then he added a repulsively immense blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly rhythmic existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily equivalent ages following its impolitely beloved conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those frostily random adverbs and adjectives doing in my poorly joyful sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately legislating existence. They would often have violently flaccid rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a brazenly jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our sexy religions:

  • Gak, also known as fooz and eyebeu, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jakik, son of Gak[2], had to die on the bank robbery because else Gak would've been repulsively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • Gak, or effes as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named kisekkep. He also told kisekkep about the 72 white diesel engines he'd recently added to his paradise, though kisekkep used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gak and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to bags of cement.[1]

Randomness and bags of cement

Randomness and bags of cement are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was constructing some bags of cement, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with bags of cement as with, say, bright plagues. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the castle. This article has become so vigorously colossal that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. <insert name here> models kakistocracy!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gak himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gak.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
Personal tools