Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most hardly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a pastry hurts uncontrollably to complement inept cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 96 slimy violoncelli hoarsely drying a classified document up the icicle. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he oscillates bathtubs with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and ruthlessly educated history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the flaccid gelato that he is, started creating a massive shithairball of things. Then he added a hardly titanic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly red existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily Pastafarian ages following its stupidly shaky conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those riotously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my verbosely colossal sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately blessing existence. They would often have violently megalomaniacal rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a (in a good way) very, very big connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our cryptic religions:

  • tuj, also known as fait and ajezat, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • wases, son of tuj[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else tuj would've been coldly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • tuj, or arrap as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named gevaggal. He also told gevaggal about the 72 white miscellanious dead things he'd recently added to his paradise, though gevaggal used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no tuj and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Edit icons

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to bathtubs.[1]

Randomness and bathtubs

Randomness and bathtubs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was plagiarizing some bathtubs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with bathtubs as with, say, quick pens. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously bad mannered that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Sean Connery deliberates muffin!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvis Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for probing.
Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?
UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also tuj himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of tuj.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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