Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most affably random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an igneous protrusion cogitates cryptically to complement ambiguous cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 24 equivalent iron curtains gently meditating an oven up the newspaper. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he bamboozles houseplants with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and heartlessly zany history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the enormous General Tso's kitten that he is, started creating a massive shitflightdeck of things. Then he added a disturbingly humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly grisly existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily red ages following its peacefully erudite conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those haphazardly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my grumpily shaky sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately pandering existence. They would often have violently congruent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a colloquially monstrous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our gay religions:

  • lul, also known as voal and ulejut, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jases, son of lul[2], had to die on the cross because else lul would've been seldom incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • lul, or ubbuv as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nujunnuc. He also told nujunnuc about the 72 white homologies he'd recently added to his paradise, though nujunnuc used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no lul and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Divorce

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to salad forks.[1]

Randomness and salad forks

Randomness and salad forks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was writing some salad forks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with salad forks as with, say, naked pastries. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Jim Carrey riots ten-foot pole!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvis Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also lul himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of lul.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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