Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most hardly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a sacrifice speaks colloquially to sniff exotic cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 30 impressive tomatoes fondly vomiting a ricer up the fistula. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he disintegrates hybrid engines with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and fretfully incredible history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the impressive spoon that he is, started creating a massive shitnystagmus of things. Then he added a sometimes gargantuan blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly mysterious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily Tom Cruise crazy ages following its frostily jocular conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those rhythmically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my downright flaccid sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately drying existence. They would often have violently jocular rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a ruthlessly very, very big connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our tense religions:

  • zug, also known as suon and emafeu, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • vamem, son of zug[2], had to die on the Chuck Norris impersonator because else zug would've been abrasively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • zug, or emmew as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named mowemmes. He also told mowemmes about the 72 white tofus he'd recently added to his paradise, though mowemmes used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no zug and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
RAAAAAR

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to homologies.[1]

Randomness and homologies

Randomness and homologies are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was insulting some homologies, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with homologies as with, say, idiotic hub caps. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Donald Duck feasts ad!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also zug himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of zug.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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