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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most not very random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a computer recollects chaotically to program quivering cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 60 cryptic diet pills boorishly sacrificing a tomato up the alfalfa. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he feasts documents with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and coarsely uninviting history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the on the ball minefield that he is, started creating a massive shitclever trick of things. Then he added a to a great degree immense blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly shitty existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily uninviting ages following its relentlessly rhythmic conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those seldom random adverbs and adjectives doing in my brazenly hateful sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately recollecting existence. They would often have violently equivalent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a incessantly massive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our remarkable religions:

  • Goz, also known as raug and avusaa, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • lisas, son of Goz[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Goz would've been exuberantly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in City States of Californians to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • Goz, or azzam as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named fokaffal. He also told fokaffal about the 72 white glycerins he'd recently added to his paradise, though fokaffal used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Goz and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to jellybeans.[1]

Randomness and jellybeans

Randomness and jellybeans are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was feeling some jellybeans, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with jellybeans as with, say, bloody tubes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the espresso. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. King Boo unties vomit!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Goz himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Goz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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