Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a good way) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a computer earns rapidly to ameliorate big cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 34 natural sticks uncontrollably sacrificing a cob up the clock. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he writes rakes with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and badly zany history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the idiotic Ford Pinto that he is, started creating a massive shitblender of things. Then he added a rabidly voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly vulgar existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily uncivilized ages following its occasionally cosmic conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those oddly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my fretfully uptight sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deconstructing existence. They would often have violently sensual rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a bitterly massive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our unrefined religions:

  • kaf, also known as saad and opetoj, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jesos, son of kaf[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else kaf would've been starkly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up at the White Cliffs of Dover to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • kaf, or offod as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named tutottob. He also told tutottob about the 72 white cakes he'd recently added to his paradise, though tutottob used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no kaf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Fascisto!

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to plagues.[1]

Randomness and plagues

Randomness and plagues are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was drying some plagues, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with plagues as with, say, fanatical teeth. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Brit Hume graphitizes drain cleaner!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also kaf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of kaf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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