Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most heartlessly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a classified document proves grotesquely to stir defenestratable cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 21 opaque clones habitually optimizing a hairball up the muffin. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he plagiarizes bikinis with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and brazenly white history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the unnatural claptrap that he is, started creating a massive shittomato of things. Then he added a neurotically towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly vulgar existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily homely ages following its puzzlingly incompetent conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those occasionally random adverbs and adjectives doing in my continuously shimmery sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately mystifying existence. They would often have violently intransigent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a sadistically massive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our rhythmic religions:

  • Got, also known as joal and ujasua, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jezaz, son of Got[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Got would've been insufficiently incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • Got, or ussuf as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zebuzzuy. He also told zebuzzuy about the 72 white operating theaters he'd recently added to his paradise, though zebuzzuy used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Got and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Disaster-movie-cow

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to homologies.[1]

Randomness and homologies

Randomness and homologies are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was legislating some homologies, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with homologies as with, say, enormous ricers. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Stephen Colbert licks electric toothbrush!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Time to get a new camera.
Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Got himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Got.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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