Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most brutally random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a paper detects often to erect bare cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 14 clammy tanks habitually lathering a needle up the cheeseburger with a large fries and a coke, plus a kids meal. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he devours beach balls with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and briskly boring history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the shitty cake that he is, started creating a massive shitTanner Thompson of things. Then he added a shoddily humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly zany existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily transparent ages following its senselessly white conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those virtually random adverbs and adjectives doing in my ruthlessly homely sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately litigating existence. They would often have violently spine-chilling rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a impolitely giant connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our trusty religions:

  • Guv, also known as zaum and odalot, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • tafif, son of Guv[2], had to die on the copyist because else Guv would've been rapidly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Hiroshima to speak for the rest of eternity.
  • Guv, or oddow as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named fewoffog. He also told fewoffog about the 72 white home theater systems he'd recently added to his paradise, though fewoffog used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guv and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
SavingPrivateElmo

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to documents.[1]

Randomness and documents

Randomness and documents are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was freezing some documents, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with documents as with, say, hateful tofus. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously overwrought that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Phil Mianus dehydrates faceplant!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guv himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guv.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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