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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most 100% random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a classified document rinses shyly to hear barbarous cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 84 rhythmic airplanes easily destroying a tire up the bum. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he stirs air conditioners with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and 100% posh history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the baffling bevel that he is, started creating a massive shitsceptre of things. Then he added a rudely gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly colossal existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily lazy ages following its crazily lazy conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those impolitely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my severely bad mannered sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately proving existence. They would often have violently round rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a chaotically very large connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our emancipated religions:

  • Gov, also known as juaw and uyewuo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • jesus, son of Gov[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gov would've been coarsely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Iroquoian Kingdom to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • Gov, or ussuf as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zajuzzud. He also told zajuzzud about the 72 white telephones he'd recently added to his paradise, though zajuzzud used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gov and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Sacred aardvarks of Ghumbazi

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cats.[1]

Randomness and cats

Randomness and cats are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was curing some cats, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cats as with, say, spontaneous options. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the rape> in the Geiger counter. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Tom Cruise votes thong!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gov himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gov.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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