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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most virtually random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a computer orates rhythmically to prove boring cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 97 depressed memos uncaringly quantifying a stick up the peanut. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he toasts telephones with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and insufficiently peculiar history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the oblivious melanoma that he is, started creating a massive shitlemon of things. Then he added a fortissimo jumbo blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly crazed existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily egregious ages following its cheekily moist conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those riotously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my not very mirthful sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately litigating existence. They would often have violently sizable rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a insufficiently amplitudinous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our foreign religions:

  • Gaf, also known as zoiv and inocii, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jufif, son of Gaf[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gaf would've been explosively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Timuchuan Overlords to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Gaf, or issiw as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named fabiffig. He also told fabiffig about the 72 white operating systems he'd recently added to his paradise, though fabiffig used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gaf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to neurotoxins.[1]

Randomness and neurotoxins

Randomness and neurotoxins are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was proving some neurotoxins, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with neurotoxins as with, say, tawdry pastries. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the Juffo-Wup in the ring. This article has become so vigorously clammy that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Bill Bennett legislates Texas toast!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.

Prepare for probing.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gaf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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