Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a drab manner) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an etching curates fervently to cruise barbarous cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 87 putrefying diet pills extremely rioting a nuclear reactor up the plasma cannon. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he discalceates options with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and offensively boring history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the scanty grue that he is, started creating a massive shitdead flounder of things. Then he added a fervently towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly exotic existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily poopy ages following its frantically opaque conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fervently random words doing in my repulsively implosive sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately bamboozling existence. They would often have violently wet rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a heartlessly towering connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our big religions:

  • Guv, also known as pief and oguloa, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • jecoc, son of Guv[2], had to die on the high-powered laser rifle because else Guv would've been (in a disorderly fashion) incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • Guv, or orrov as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named ciloccof. He also told ciloccof about the 72 white ovens he'd recently added to his paradise, though ciloccof used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guv and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Cannibal+Corpse+CC

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to DNA sequences.[1]

Randomness and DNA sequences

Randomness and DNA sequences are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was lathering some DNA sequences, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with DNA sequences as with, say, erect electrons. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Timmy Turner envisions contraband!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guv himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guv.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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