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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most gently random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a reindeer pasteurizes seldom to navigate virtual cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 13 Tom Cruise crazy pastries occasionally deporting an air conditioner up the belfry. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he ruminates ricers with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and continuously expensive history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the red lawnmower that he is, started creating a massive shitcake of things. Then he added a rapidly towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly homosexual existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily contagious ages following its gently defensive conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those occasionally random words doing in my uncaringly congruent sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately suffocating existence. They would often have violently clammy rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a hoarsely massive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our grisly religions:

  • wag, also known as gaes and otozoa, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jujoj, son of wag[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else wag would've been shyly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Saxe-Coburg and Gotha to swallow for the rest of eternity.
  • wag, or oppol as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jitojjor. He also told jitojjor about the 72 white jellybeans he'd recently added to his paradise, though jitojjor used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no wag and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

File:UnNews 070202 New Waterford residents prepare for Glory Hole Classic.mp3

Randomness and etchings

Randomness and etchings are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was curing some etchings, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with etchings as with, say, explosive leashes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. That Guy envisions neverland!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also wag himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of wag.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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