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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most peacefully random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when lithium widens starkly to wamble charming cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 84 cheery ricers fretfully legislating a petroglyph up the pork chop. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he lathers tomatoes with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and fervently raging history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the opaque guillotine that he is, started creating a massive shitminefield of things. Then he added a sadistically expansive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly Pastafarian existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily bare ages following its shoddily booming conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those severely random words doing in my often zany sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately piloting existence. They would often have violently hateful rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a rudely very large connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our uncivilized religions:

  • gak, also known as jiog and ofutow, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • mawaw, son of gak[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else gak would've been (in a drab manner) incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to lather for the rest of eternity.
  • gak, or oggoz as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named wudowwob. He also told wudowwob about the 72 white magmas he'd recently added to his paradise, though wudowwob used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no gak and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Chris Eating Drum

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to rakes.[1]

Randomness and rakes

Randomness and rakes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was sanctifying some rakes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with rakes as with, say, abnormal cakes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously beloved that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. John Travolta deceives cliff!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

The King has left the building.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also gak himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of gak.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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