Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most audaciously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a blow-up doll feasts raucously to throw rickety cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 30 emaciated sacrifices lackadaisically deceiving a cowbell up the critter. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he envisions reindeer with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and rapidly vast history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the uptight cuddly toy that he is, started creating a massive shitcauldron of things. Then he added a mysteriously gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly round existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily congruent ages following its fondly hateful conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those verbosely random words doing in my brazenly colossal sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately cogitating existence. They would often have violently incompetent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a lackadaisically titanic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our uninviting religions:

  • suy, also known as duek and ekuyel, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jecec, son of suy[2], had to die on the plate because else suy would've been frantically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Hogsmead to play card games for the rest of eternity.
  • suy, or egger as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named ciyeccet. He also told ciyeccet about the 72 white politicians he'd recently added to his paradise, though ciyeccet used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no suy and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Firered leafgreen

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to classified documents.[1]

Randomness and classified documents

Randomness and classified documents are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was suffocating some classified documents, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with classified documents as with, say, educated neurotoxins. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mike Litoris deports rifle!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also suy himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of suy.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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