Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most abrasively random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a reindeer riots verbosely to discalceate oblivious cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 95 mysterious tuxedoes starkly washing a pastry up the xylophone. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he cures plagues with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and melodramatically unpleased history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the contrived xanthochroi that he is, started creating a massive shitMazda of things. Then he added a verbosely titanic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nonsensical existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily moribund ages following its rapidly smelly conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those coarsely random words doing in my nastily revolting sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately sacrificing existence. They would often have violently oblivious rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a 100% giant connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our emo religions:

  • Goz, also known as vaik and enupez, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jusos, son of Goz[2], had to die on the Taahgaarxian because else Goz would've been grumpily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Davao to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • Goz, or effef as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named payeppek. He also told payeppek about the 72 white miscellanious dead things he'd recently added to his paradise, though payeppek used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Goz and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Octopus hat

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to documents.[1]

Randomness and documents

Randomness and documents are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was lathering some documents, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with documents as with, say, nonsensical diet pills. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Phil Atio anglicises railing!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Goz himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Goz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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