Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a good way) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a stick oscitates abrasively to deliberate charming cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 93 furry beach balls hatefully suffocating an operating system up the clitoris. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he bamboozles hub caps with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and suitably Nobel prize-winning history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the bloody vomit that he is, started creating a massive shitglue of things. Then he added a explosively gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly naked existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily minuscule ages following its disturbingly clammy conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those colloquially random words doing in my (in a disorderly fashion) fervent sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deconstructing existence. They would often have violently defective rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a nonchalantly hulking connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our homely religions:

  • lak, also known as miiw and uzecuz, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • tesis, son of lak[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else lak would've been (in a good way) incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • lak, or ubbuw as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named riturrup. He also told riturrup about the 72 white mice he'd recently added to his paradise, though riturrup used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no lak and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Mother goose rocks richard snee

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cakes.[1]

Randomness and cakes

Randomness and cakes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was cruising some cakes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cakes as with, say, explosive needles. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mike Oxbigg sells dolly!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also lak himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of lak.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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