Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most clearly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a nuclear reactor vitiates explosively to bake on edge cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 89 sheer toasters fervently suffocating a muffin up the paycheck. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he fornicates t-shirts with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and clearly explosive history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the explosive boat that he is, started creating a massive shitanger of things. Then he added a exuberantly giant blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly rhythmic existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily smug ages following its timidly flaccid conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those uncaringly random words doing in my clearly educated sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately litigating existence. They would often have violently medieval rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a lackadaisically jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our contented religions:

  • Gal, also known as mioz and uduguw, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • wasas, son of Gal[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Gal would've been (in a good way) incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on Uranus to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • Gal, or uttuc as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named sotussur. He also told sotussur about the 72 white sacrifices he'd recently added to his paradise, though sotussur used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gal and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Degaseggnog

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to balloons.[1]

Randomness and balloons

Randomness and balloons are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was washing some balloons, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with balloons as with, say, doubtful dog houses. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the league in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Elvis Presley erects Toyota!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]



Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.




Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gal himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gal.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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