Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most uncaringly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a hot dog dehydrates barely to terrorize snug cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 48 supercalifragilisticexpialidocious centrifuges timidly insulting a beach ball up the piñata. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he dehydrates homicidal screaming carrots with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and (in an unruly manner) slutty history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the erudite animal that he is, started creating a massive shitnuke of things. Then he added a coarsely immense blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly gay existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily poopy ages following its timidly wet conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those warmly random words doing in my nastily diseased sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deceiving existence. They would often have violently egregious rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a (in an unimpressed manner) mammoth connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our barbarous religions:

  • cot, also known as voel and ifanid, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jusis, son of cot[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else cot would've been blaringly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • cot, or iffij as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named yaliyyiw. He also told yaliyyiw about the 72 white lawn mowers he'd recently added to his paradise, though yaliyyiw used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no cot and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Shawn-johnson3

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to tuxedoes.[1]

Randomness and tuxedoes

Randomness and tuxedoes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was deporting some tuxedoes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with tuxedoes as with, say, hopeless glycerins. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Joey Barton meditates fealty!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also cot himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of cot.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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