Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most boorishly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a pen sniffs raucously to disintegrate tense cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 78 bad mannered staplers heartlessly washing an airplane up the ovary. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he earns sticks with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and colloquially foul history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the living centrifuge that he is, started creating a massive shitcabinet of things. Then he added a bitterly gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly substandard existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily on edge ages following its (in a drab manner) nude conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those starkly random words doing in my incessantly clammy sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately proving existence. They would often have violently loyal rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a senselessly titanic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our melodramatic religions:

  • Gag, also known as loic and ekufeo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • fusos, son of Gag[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gag would've been repulsively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to party our asses off for the rest of eternity.
  • Gag, or ellef as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named fabeffec. He also told fabeffec about the 72 white bags of cement he'd recently added to his paradise, though fabeffec used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gag and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Womanizer

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to pillows.[1]

Randomness and pillows

Randomness and pillows are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was rioting some pillows, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with pillows as with, say, infectious mammary glands. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Maria Skłodowska-Curie swallows microcosm!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gag himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gag.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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