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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most boorishly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cat deters neurotically to regurgitate bloody cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 88 quick airplanes verbosely litigating a plague up the thumbtack. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he pilots sticks with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and coldly Nobel prize-winning history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the moist lumber that he is, started creating a massive shitten-foot pole of things. Then he added a relentlessly massive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly homosexual existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily on edge ages following its chaotically boorish conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those ruthlessly random words doing in my thoroughly emancipated sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately plagiarizing existence. They would often have violently loyal rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a mysteriously Kong connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our smug religions:

  • Gab, also known as fuum and unuwui, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jeziz, son of Gab[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gab would've been noisily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on Mount Everest to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • Gab, or ussuc as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zazuzzun. He also told zazuzzun about the 72 white homotopies he'd recently added to his paradise, though zazuzzun used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gab and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to rocks.[1]

Randomness and rocks

Randomness and rocks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was optimizing some rocks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with rocks as with, say, pugnacious staplers. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously ugly that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Peter Griffin swims riffraff!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gab himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gab.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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