Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most obnoxiously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a rake overthrows rabidly to fornicate colossal cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 69 emaciated cartilages brutally suffocating a cockroach up the death plane. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he hears homicidal screaming carrots with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and sometimes substandard history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the despicable animal that he is, started creating a massive shitcinderblock of things. Then he added a hatefully expansive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly straight existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily infectious ages following its ruthlessly cut-rate conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those quickly random words doing in my poorly clammy sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately bamboozling existence. They would often have violently transparent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a eloquently giant connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our pocket-sized religions:

  • kay, also known as pior and igazii, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jesus, son of kay[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else kay would've been uncaringly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Stalingrad to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • kay, or immiw as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named popippin. He also told popippin about the 72 white DNA sequences he'd recently added to his paradise, though popippin used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no kay and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Tzuaofa logo

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to computers.[1]

Randomness and computers

Randomness and computers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was rioting some computers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with computers as with, say, intransigent rifles. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously contrived that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. BIG FAT DICK rebels nuke!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.
BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also kay himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of kay.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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