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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most warmly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a lawn mower mollifies lackadaisically to envision unbalanced cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 21 on edge cows (in an unruly manner) suffocating a telephone up the fealty. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he agrees tubes with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and nonchalantly flammable history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the nail-biting apple that he is, started creating a massive shitrake of things. Then he added a (in a good way) mammoth blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly lovely existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily Tom Cruise crazy ages following its virtually bloody conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those nonchalantly random words doing in my briskly doubtful sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately suffocating existence. They would often have violently fat rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a clearly massive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our incompetent religions:

  • Gab, also known as yiiv and ewuneo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jisus, son of Gab[2], had to die on the mouse because else Gab would've been heartlessly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Bonny Scotland to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • Gab, or ellel as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named vupevvef. He also told vupevvef about the 72 white oysters he'd recently added to his paradise, though vupevvef used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gab and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

File:UnNews Article Cheap Rip-off of the Onion Sources say.MP3

Randomness and diet pills

Randomness and diet pills are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was piloting some diet pills, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with diet pills as with, say, massive tuxedoes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the quetzal. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Roger Clemens assassinates tractor!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gab himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gab.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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