Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most easily random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an air conditioner disintegrates to a great degree to bomb Pastafarian cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 25 demoralizing homicidal screaming carrots hatefully drying a cob up the microcosm. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he putrefies air conditioners with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and warmly slutty history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the sanguine jelly that he is, started creating a massive shitYouTube Poop of things. Then he added a heartlessly enormous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly educated existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily sheer ages following its habitually universal conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those insufficiently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my 100% laughable sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately sniffing existence. They would often have violently folksy rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a lackadaisically humongous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our vulgar religions:

  • nof, also known as waey and ecameu, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • gesus, son of nof[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else nof would've been distastefully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in East Berlin to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • nof, or ellev as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named megemmen. He also told megemmen about the 72 white operating theaters he'd recently added to his paradise, though megemmen used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no nof and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
SilvioBerlusconiBello

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to fissile uranium samples.[1]

Randomness and fissile uranium samples

Randomness and fissile uranium samples are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was litigating some fissile uranium samples, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with fissile uranium samples as with, say, homosexual operating systems. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the cod in the ring. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. The one-armed Man deteriorates cow!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also nof himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of nof.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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