Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a good way) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a blow-up doll urinates repulsively to bless posh cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 14 malevolent dog houses endlessly rinsing a leash up the fealty. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he revolves parchments with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and obnoxiously explosive history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the ill-bred shark that he is, started creating a massive shitspork of things. Then he added a seldom humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly offensive existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily clumsy ages following its uncaringly contagious conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those crazily random adverbs and adjectives doing in my (in a good way) universal sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately feasting existence. They would often have violently contented rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a unsympathetically amplitudinous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our educated religions:

  • Gob, also known as taek and uwagus, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • ganin, son of Gob[2], had to die on the cross because else Gob would've been compulsively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the Forest That Nobody Cares About to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • Gob, or unnuc as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nitunnur. He also told nitunnur about the 72 white fissile uranium samples he'd recently added to his paradise, though nitunnur used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gob and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Balloon

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to staplers.[1]

Randomness and staplers

Randomness and staplers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was modelling some staplers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with staplers as with, say, smelly bags of cement. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the gasoline in the hostel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Oprah Winfrey bakes dyslexia!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Big Head Alien
Oh my fucking God! An alien!

Quick, <insert name here>, take a picture of it! Hurry, you fucking sloth! The camera is in your backpack you fat cunt-- Aww fuck, it crawled back into the Pyramid... Grrr! You've just wasted our only chance of ever proving that aliens exist on Earth, you frigging idiot!

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gob himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gob.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
Personal tools
projects