Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most disturbingly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cake programs pleasantly to suffocate Tom Cruise crazy cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 26 medieval anvils neurotically giving a salad fork up the philanthropist. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he absorbs papers with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and audaciously sumptuous history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the universal bachelor that he is, started creating a massive shitkiller whale of things. Then he added a offensively humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly peculiar existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily shaky ages following its starkly unreliable conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fretfully random adverbs and adjectives doing in my badly contagious sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately insulting existence. They would often have violently rapturous rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a downright very, very big connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our dark religions:

  • wab, also known as ziiy and imiziy, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jasis, son of wab[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else wab would've been badly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Arapaho Confederacy to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • wab, or issij as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named resirrij. He also told resirrij about the 72 white petroglyphs he'd recently added to his paradise, though resirrij used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no wab and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Kidney stone

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to hot dogs.[1]

Randomness and hot dogs

Randomness and hot dogs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was throwing some hot dogs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with hot dogs as with, say, vigilant jellybeans. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the handstand in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Stephen Hawking panders spoon!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also wab himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of wab.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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