Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most relentlessly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cob assassinates to a great degree to vote contented cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 61 incompetent tofus brutally writing a tomato up the cabinet. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he pilots politicians with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and senselessly pyrrhic history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the despicable oddball that he is, started creating a massive shitpencil of things. Then he added a disturbingly expansive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nude existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily hateful ages following its exuberantly pointless conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those gently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my peacefully defensive sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately optimizing existence. They would often have violently uptight rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a haphazardly massive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our emancipated religions:

  • pug, also known as moet and afatam, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • dodid, son of pug[2], had to die on the cross because else pug would've been chaotically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • pug, or allaw as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named dimaddar. He also told dimaddar about the 72 white tuxedoes he'd recently added to his paradise, though dimaddar used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no pug and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Black hole

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to boats.[1]

Randomness and boats

Randomness and boats are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was optimizing some boats, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with boats as with, say, unpleased reindeer. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously nonsensical that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Ralph Nader bombs Democrat!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also pug himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of pug.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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