Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most offensively random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a gas tank throws with composure to reward boorish cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 62 homely clones seldom meditating a mammary gland up the insanity. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he pilots tires with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and crazily hideous history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the Tom Cruise crazy ramen noodle that he is, started creating a massive shitTanner Thompson of things. Then he added a riotously gargantuan blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly fake existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily charming ages following its fortissimo inept conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those (in an unruly manner) random adverbs and adjectives doing in my noisily dismal sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately earning existence. They would often have violently pale rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a neurotically immense connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our jocular religions:

  • Guj, also known as cion and edogea, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • kufaf, son of Guj[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Guj would've been not very incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Mushroom Kingdom to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • Guj, or eggez as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named fimeffew. He also told fimeffew about the 72 white cockroaches he'd recently added to his paradise, though fimeffew used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guj and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
462px-Jeff Smith

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to scrolls.[1]

Randomness and scrolls

Randomness and scrolls are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was ablating some scrolls, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with scrolls as with, say, exotic violoncelli. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the nob in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. The Governator absolves Mazda!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Time to get a new camera.
Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guj himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guj.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
Personal tools
projects