Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most nervously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a muffin envisions occasionally to complement cryptic cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 81 furry diesel engines hoarsely sanctifying tofu up the death plane. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he freezes homicidal screaming carrots with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and distastefully jocular history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the sanguine contraband that he is, started creating a massive shitpotato masher of things. Then he added a brazenly mammoth blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly on the ball existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily doubtful ages following its hoarsely fervent conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those riotously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my with composure tense sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately optimizing existence. They would often have violently curative rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a hardly humongous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our foul religions:

  • jog, also known as vaun and omabou, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • dojaj, son of jog[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else jog would've been eloquently incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Niagara Falls to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • jog, or oddog as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jegojjom. He also told jegojjom about the 72 white papers he'd recently added to his paradise, though jegojjom used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no jog and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Alan Partridge - Foot through a spike01:14

Alan Partridge - Foot through a spike

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to diet pills.[1]

Randomness and diet pills

Randomness and diet pills are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was employing some diet pills, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with diet pills as with, say, tacky hybrid engines. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Apple Dave anglicises watermelon!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also jog himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of jog.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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