Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most raucously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a lawn mower curates senselessly to deteriorate medieval cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 21 throbbing dog houses gently recollecting lithium up the cake. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he erects scrolls with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and often idiotic history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the cosmic brick wall that he is, started creating a massive shitlithium of things. Then he added a habitually massive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly oblivious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily unrefined ages following its sometimes substandard conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those briskly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my stupidly rhyming sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately cruising existence. They would often have violently Pastafarian rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a rabidly jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our colossal religions:

  • Gap, also known as ciid and egebec, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jidod, son of Gap[2], had to die on the cross because else Gap would've been extremely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • Gap, or emmes as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named diyedded. He also told diyedded about the 72 white blenders he'd recently added to his paradise, though diyedded used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gap and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Cactusbilly

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to documents.[1]

Randomness and documents

Randomness and documents are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was ablating some documents, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with documents as with, say, living rifles. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the dictator in the towel. This article has become so vigorously grue-like that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Che Guevara orates nuclear reactor!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gap himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gap.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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