Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most downright random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cadaver exemplifies mercilessly to pasteurize unnatural cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 41 crazed home theater systems verbosely programing a mouse up the ectoplasm. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he deceives operating theaters with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and sometimes bad mannered history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the yellow-bellied holster that he is, started creating a massive shitphilanthropist of things. Then he added a rabidly mammoth blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly hopeless existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily peculiar ages following its uncaringly ineffective conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those (in an unimpressed manner) random adverbs and adjectives doing in my obnoxiously luminous sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately freezing existence. They would often have violently rapturous rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a apathetically gigantic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our sumptuous religions:

  • Gab, also known as ruoy and ecajez, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • lejuj, son of Gab[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gab would've been apathetically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Pacifica to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • Gab, or ettef as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jawejjet. He also told jawejjet about the 72 white tanks he'd recently added to his paradise, though jawejjet used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gab and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

File:UnNews Organizers recreate Three Mile Island magic.mp3

Randomness and pillows

Randomness and pillows are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was programing some pillows, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with pillows as with, say, clumsy ricers. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously heterosexual that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mike Oxbigg refills cheval-de-frise!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?
BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.
UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gab himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gab.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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