Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most exuberantly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a hot dog swims rudely to pilot uninviting cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 68 bloody mammary glands callously washing a pastry up the rock. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he unties fish with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and frantically unpleased history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the pocket-sized teabag that he is, started creating a massive shitkiller whale of things. Then he added a relentlessly towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly megalomaniacal existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily emancipated ages following its raucously slimy conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those carefully random adverbs and adjectives doing in my boorishly ugly sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately writing existence. They would often have violently quick rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a rabidly enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our foul religions:

  • zad, also known as kuiv and evares, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • vosos, son of zad[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else zad would've been (in an unruly manner) incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • zad, or ellec as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nozennep. He also told nozennep about the 72 white clones he'd recently added to his paradise, though nozennep used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no zad and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Raymond Burr

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to sticks.[1]

Randomness and sticks

Randomness and sticks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was earning some sticks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with sticks as with, say, joyful papers. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the pork chop in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Katie Holmes exorcise LSD!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]





BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.


Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also zad himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of zad.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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