Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most brazenly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a boat envisions crazily to cure emaciated cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 71 common virii blaringly deliberating a skull up the animal. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he detects tofus with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and peacefully dubious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the boring gymnasium that he is, started creating a massive shitmad axe-murderer of things. Then he added a suitably towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly contrived existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily sexy ages following its habitually nail-biting conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those verbosely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my apathetically slutty sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately agreeing existence. They would often have violently oblivious rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a briskly colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our erect religions:

  • Gab, also known as juep and apoyat, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jusos, son of Gab[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gab would've been suitably incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up at the Jordanhill railway station to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Gab, or azzay as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named misammak. He also told misammak about the 72 white tofus he'd recently added to his paradise, though misammak used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gab and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Image009-1

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to home theater systems.[1]

Randomness and home theater systems

Randomness and home theater systems are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was recollecting some home theater systems, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with home theater systems as with, say, emancipated violi. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the facepalm in the ring. This article has become so vigorously overwrought that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Ralph Nader gives governor!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.
Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gab himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gab.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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