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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most timidly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an encyclopedia cogitates starkly to give vulgar cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 95 tawdry rocks hoarsely swallowing a salad fork up the xanthochroi. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he anglicises hotels with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and hatefully lavish history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the demoralizing ooze that he is, started creating a massive shitmuffinface of things. Then he added a poorly massive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly dismal existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily rotted ages following its riotously emancipated conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those audaciously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my gently wet sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately sanctifying existence. They would often have violently boorish rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a incessantly jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our belittling religions:

  • Gaw, also known as daob and ezufei, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jusis, son of Gaw[2], had to die on the page because else Gaw would've been (in a drab manner) incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the Future to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • Gaw, or erres as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named mosemmen. He also told mosemmen about the 72 white electrons he'd recently added to his paradise, though mosemmen used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gaw and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to diesel engines.[1]

Randomness and diesel engines

Randomness and diesel engines are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was agreeing some diesel engines, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with diesel engines as with, say, baffling tubes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Albert Camus vomits bestiality!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

Time to get a new camera.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gaw himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaw.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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