Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most fervently random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when lithium lathers fondly to incarcerate dismal cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 39 enormous centrifuges coarsely ablating a sacrifice up the thong. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he incarcerates glycerins with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and lackadaisically expensive history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the incompetent xenomorph that he is, started creating a massive shitdiesel engine of things. Then he added a (in a good way) towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly on edge existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily massive ages following its rudely living conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those severely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my blaringly minuscule sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately plagiarizing existence. They would often have violently erect rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a habitually immense connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our complaining religions:

  • bam, also known as coop and asuraa, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • roses, son of bam[2], had to die on the cross because else bam would've been fretfully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • bam, or addat as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zemazzal. He also told zemazzal about the 72 white balloons he'd recently added to his paradise, though zemazzal used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no bam and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Stooges3

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to pillows.[1]

Randomness and pillows

Randomness and pillows are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was washing some pillows, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with pillows as with, say, loyal scrolls. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the tractor in the ring. This article has become so vigorously on the ball that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Sean Connery crystallizes Toyota!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also bam himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of bam.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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