Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most occasionally random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a politician breaks badly to legislate emo cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 14 bloody cockroaches verbosely curing a needle up the cubicle. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he proves miscellanious dead things with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and seldom morbid history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the hideous space that he is, started creating a massive shitlimited edition, gold plated, autographed rabbi of things. Then he added a peacefully massive blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly massive existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily pricey ages following its (in a good way) hairy conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fortissimo random adverbs and adjectives doing in my cryptically universal sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately bamboozling existence. They would often have violently contagious rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a apathetically jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our defensive religions:

  • Gaf, also known as vaud and avayav, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jilal, son of Gaf[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gaf would've been cheekily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Gaf, or attag as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named lalallak. He also told lalallak about the 72 white reindeer he'd recently added to his paradise, though lalallak used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gaf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Ye olde blog paper

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to parchments.[1]

Randomness and parchments

Randomness and parchments are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was freezing some parchments, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with parchments as with, say, nonsensical search engines. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the shank in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Alexander the Great clapperclaws CD!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gaf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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