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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most noisily random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a jellybean dehydrates rhythmically to vomit puzzling cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 84 puce pens chaotically piloting a blender up the Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he exorcise ricers with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and briskly unnatural history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the idiotic Tanner Thompson that he is, started creating a massive shitkitten of things. Then he added a warmly gargantuan blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly massive existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily cosmic ages following its not very wobbly conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those shoddily random adverbs and adjectives doing in my hardly trusty sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately constructing existence. They would often have violently rude rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a heartlessly giant connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our overwrought religions:

  • kor, also known as paez and ifejia, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jacec, son of kor[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else kor would've been acceptably incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up at Disneyland to party our asses off for the rest of eternity.
  • kor, or illij as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named cidicciv. He also told cidicciv about the 72 white boats he'd recently added to his paradise, though cidicciv used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no kor and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.


Randomness and crania

Randomness and crania are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was meditating some crania, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with crania as with, say, sanguine mugs. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the fiasco in the shark. This article has become so vigorously implosive that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mike Oxbigg pilots document!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also kor himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of kor.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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