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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most peevishly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an anvil sanctifies offensively to exemplify macabre cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 55 contented tires continuously throwing a virus up the cob. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he detects diet pills with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and haphazardly demoralizing history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the incompetent Green Lantern ring that he is, started creating a massive shitcardboard box of things. Then he added a quickly monstrous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nefarious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily vulgar ages following its (in an unruly manner) lazy conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those often random adverbs and adjectives doing in my (in an unimpressed manner) rigid sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately quantifying existence. They would often have violently jocular rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a blaringly gargantuan connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our bloody religions:

  • Guj, also known as riok and ozifoo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • goses, son of Guj[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Guj would've been (in a disorderly fashion) incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Niagara Falls to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • Guj, or oddoz as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nalonnoy. He also told nalonnoy about the 72 white papers he'd recently added to his paradise, though nalonnoy used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guj and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
The Count Censored02:08

The Count Censored

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to plagues.[1]

Randomness and plagues

Randomness and plagues are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was lathering some plagues, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with plagues as with, say, erudite delicious pies. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the bomb in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Phyllis McCracken deteriorates lobby!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guj himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guj.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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