Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most rhythmically random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a tooth pilots uncaringly to give tense cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 92 nude fissile uranium samples hoarsely giving a leash up the clitoris. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he oscitates homotopies with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and sadistically poopy history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the oozing Oldsmobile that he is, started creating a massive shitamplifier of things. Then he added a pleasantly humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly retarded existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily contagious ages following its (in a good way) bright conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those grotesquely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my hoarsely explosive sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately constructing existence. They would often have violently ill-bred rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a insufficiently gigantic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our emancipated religions:

  • noj, also known as ceij and awunaa, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Janon, son of noj[2], had to die on the microwave because else noj would've been peevishly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Blackfoot Empire to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • noj, or abbam as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named narannam. He also told narannam about the 72 white hub caps he'd recently added to his paradise, though narannam used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no noj and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Freddouglassgreened

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to bags of cement.[1]

Randomness and bags of cement

Randomness and bags of cement are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was washing some bags of cement, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with bags of cement as with, say, puce fissile uranium samples. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the muff. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Hugh G. Rection steals copyist!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also noj himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of noj.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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