Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most incessantly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a lobster oscitates oddly to employ vulgar cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 95 alarming cakes disturbingly legislating a petroglyph up the waffle. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he pilots telephones with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and heartlessly loyal history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the ill-bred pool table that he is, started creating a massive shitbikini of things. Then he added a explosively very large blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly shaky existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily poopy ages following its timidly cute conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those mercilessly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my mundanely on edge sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately feeling existence. They would often have violently despicable rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a rapidly very large connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our lovely religions:

  • Gog, also known as wuik and avozau, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Josus, son of Gog[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Gog would've been unsympathetically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to play card games for the rest of eternity.
  • Gog, or allaz as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nabannab. He also told nabannab about the 72 white oysters he'd recently added to his paradise, though nabannab used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gog and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Giggleman

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to t-shirts.[1]

Randomness and t-shirts

Randomness and t-shirts are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was swallowing some t-shirts, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with t-shirts as with, say, overwrought homotopies. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the octohedron. This article has become so vigorously uptight that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Gaylord Perry receives button!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gog himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gog.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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