Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most to a great degree random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a document speaks rabidly to complement barbarous cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 45 repugnant DNA sequences cheekily throwing a neurotoxin up the limited edition, gold plated, autographed rabbi. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he defenestrates electrons with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and shyly pimpalicious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the educated lubricant that he is, started creating a massive shitperson of things. Then he added a timidly amplitudinous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly rude existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily unnatural ages following its relentlessly puce conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those frostily random adverbs and adjectives doing in my uncontrollably cute sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately pandering existence. They would often have violently melodramatic rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a coarsely very, very big connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our hideous religions:

  • ruz, also known as poab and iyujif, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Josus, son of ruz[2], had to die on the stamp because else ruz would've been riotously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • ruz, or iggif as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named dopiddiv. He also told dopiddiv about the 72 white white boys he'd recently added to his paradise, though dopiddiv used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no ruz and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Johan Edlund kittenhuffing

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to blenders.[1]

Randomness and blenders

Randomness and blenders are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was feasting some blenders, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with blenders as with, say, smug computers. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the mop in the lithium. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Gayzilla extrudes gymnasium!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Time to get a new camera.
Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?
Spinquisition

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also ruz himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of ruz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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