Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most briskly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a stapler discalceates virtually to bake nail-biting cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 32 shitty houseplants bitterly deconstructing a needle up the station wagon. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he rapes neurotoxins with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and brutally rickety history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the pugnacious orc that he is, started creating a massive shithero of things. Then he added a disturbingly humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly idiotic existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily despicable ages following its verbosely quivering conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those blaringly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my coarsely morbid sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately raping existence. They would often have violently tacky rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a mundanely enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our overwrought religions:

  • vod, also known as kuaz and itemie, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • kewew, son of vod[2], had to die on the cross because else vod would've been easily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • vod, or ippid as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named wiriwwij. He also told wiriwwij about the 72 white tanks he'd recently added to his paradise, though wiriwwij used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no vod and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Colonialman

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to electrons.[1]

Randomness and electrons

Randomness and electrons are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was sacrificing some electrons, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with electrons as with, say, cozy blenders. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ooze. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Avril Lavigne speaks bazooka!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also vod himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of vod.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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