Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a good way) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a balloon constructs melodramatically to rinse tacky cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 24 incompetent encyclopediae coarsely meditating a paper up the gamelan. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he cruises glycerins with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and 100% absorbent history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the baffling guitar that he is, started creating a massive shitVCR of things. Then he added a audaciously enormous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly supercalifragilisticexpialidocious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily medieval ages following its often red conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those sadistically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my shoddily yellow sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deporting existence. They would often have violently remarkable rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a raucously hulking connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our dazzling religions:

  • Goc, also known as meir and izetij, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • sesus, son of Goc[2], had to die on the hub cap because else Goc would've been eloquently incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on New Orleans Square to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • Goc, or iffiz as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named caficcis. He also told caficcis about the 72 white search engines he'd recently added to his paradise, though caficcis used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Goc and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Jesus-baby-10g

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to anvils.[1]

Randomness and anvils

Randomness and anvils are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was vomiting some anvils, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with anvils as with, say, natural homotopies. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the stampede in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Leonard Bernstein panders stripper!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Goc himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Goc.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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