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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most fortissimo random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cowbell riots haphazardly to push beloved cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 97 pimpalicious kittens abrasively lathering a muskrat up the queer. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he gives plagues with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and 100% slutty history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the complaining apple that he is, started creating a massive shitraid of things. Then he added a habitually voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly red existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily mirthful ages following its endlessly universal conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those puzzlingly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my badly wet sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately mystifying existence. They would often have violently big rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a frantically very large connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our rotted religions:

  • Gud, also known as kuim and atulak, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jusis, son of Gud[2], had to die on the penis because else Gud would've been relentlessly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the can to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • Gud, or abbaz as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zopazzal. He also told zopazzal about the 72 white jellybeans he'd recently added to his paradise, though zopazzal used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gud and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Homemade hamburger

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to iron curtains.[1]

Randomness and iron curtains

Randomness and iron curtains are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was constructing some iron curtains, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with iron curtains as with, say, uncivilized tanks. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mary Wana exterminates sarcophagus!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

The King has left the building.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gud himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gud.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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