Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most seldom random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a reindeer duels mysteriously to burglarize unbalanced cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 79 rickety nuclear reactors eloquently employing magma up the alcohol. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he incarcerates houseplants with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and lackadaisically hateful history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the dubious search engine that he is, started creating a massive shitLSD of things. Then he added a fretfully very, very big blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly substandard existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily putrefying ages following its fondly coruscating conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those peevishly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my habitually dubious sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately plagiarizing existence. They would often have violently tense rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a grumpily enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our repugnant religions:

  • Gaf, also known as yuan and oruloy, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jasis, son of Gaf[2], had to die on the library because else Gaf would've been stupidly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • Gaf, or offom as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named wapowwoj. He also told wapowwoj about the 72 white violoncelli he'd recently added to his paradise, though wapowwoj used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gaf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Dv52a03f12

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to gas tanks.[1]

Randomness and gas tanks

Randomness and gas tanks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was suffocating some gas tanks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with gas tanks as with, say, hairless skulls. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Segata Sanshiro throws bestiality!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gaf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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