Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most starkly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a bikini freezes disturbingly to envision transparent cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 85 vulgar pillows abrasively giving a hairball up the lentil soup. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he terrorizes white boys with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and explosively massive history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the peculiar article that he is, started creating a massive shittemple of things. Then he added a coarsely towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly shiny existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily foul ages following its fretfully boring conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those downright random adverbs and adjectives doing in my oddly homely sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately programing existence. They would often have violently spine-chilling rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a poorly colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our inept religions:

  • dap, also known as fuan and ijariu, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jenan, son of dap[2], had to die on the cross because else dap would've been coldly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • dap, or iddij as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nipinnir. He also told nipinnir about the 72 white operating systems he'd recently added to his paradise, though nipinnir used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no dap and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Wowarmor

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to mugs.[1]

Randomness and mugs

Randomness and mugs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was freezing some mugs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with mugs as with, say, yellow-bellied plagues. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the lisp. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mister Face bakes vertigo!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also dap himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of dap.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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