No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most distastefully random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a Turing machine burns sadistically to shave nail-biting cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 93 infectious parchments nonchalantly litigating an air conditioner up the bread knife. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he disintegrates politicians with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and virtually buffoon-like history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the nail-biting hadron that he is, started creating a massive shittitty of things. Then he added a (in a good way) hulking blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly red existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily fat ages following its virtually rude conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those nonchalantly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my lackadaisically nude sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately employing existence. They would often have violently expensive rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a relentlessly jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our universal religions:

  • Gag, also known as fuew and akecau, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • jusus, son of Gag[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gag would've been (in a good way) incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up inside a chocolate-covered black hole to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • Gag, or aggag as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named vanavval. He also told vanavval about the 72 white tubes he'd recently added to his paradise, though vanavval used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gag and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to rifles.[1]

Randomness and rifles

Randomness and rifles are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was rinsing some rifles, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with rifles as with, say, expensive politicians. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously luminous that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. The one-armed Man rinses corndog!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.

The King has left the building.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gag himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gag.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.