Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most often random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a pen rinses apathetically to assimilate controversial cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 41 eerie tomatoes lackadaisically washing an igneous protrusion up the kitten pot pie<. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he rinses papers with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and easily explosive history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the smelly hub cap that he is, started creating a massive shitpotato of things. Then he added a colloquially gargantuan blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly foul existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily unrefined ages following its extremely tacky conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those compulsively random adverbs and adjectives doing in my disturbingly spontaneous sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately ablating existence. They would often have violently rigid rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a shyly enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our bloody religions:

  • dat, also known as ciip and udavue, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • wewuw, son of dat[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else dat would've been offensively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • dat, or ubbum as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named wetuwwuj. He also told wetuwwuj about the 72 white blenders he'd recently added to his paradise, though wetuwwuj used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no dat and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
SASploppy2

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to salad forks.[1]

Randomness and salad forks

Randomness and salad forks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was deconstructing some salad forks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with salad forks as with, say, wet lawn mowers. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the 20-hit combo. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. I. P. Freeley anglicises yellow submarine!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also dat himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of dat.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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