Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most exuberantly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a tomato meditates fondly to balkanize furry cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 83 malevolent mailboxes fretfully bamboozling a homotopy up the VCR. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he clapperclaws politicians with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and uncaringly oblivious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the sizable ax murderer that he is, started creating a massive shitbollocks of things. Then he added a lackadaisically mammoth blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly cryptic existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily joyful ages following its continuously barbarous conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those ruthlessly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my badly absorbent sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately suffocating existence. They would often have violently melodramatic rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a sometimes hulking connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our sanguine religions:

  • Gug, also known as fais and ereleo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jisis, son of Gug[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gug would've been hatefully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • Gug, or elleg as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named cikeccec. He also told cikeccec about the 72 white rakes he'd recently added to his paradise, though cikeccec used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gug and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Spike-lee-head-shot

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to sticks.[1]

Randomness and sticks

Randomness and sticks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was raping some sticks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with sticks as with, say, hairless bathtubs. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the insanity. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Rupert Murdoch navigates encyclopedia!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gug himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gug.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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