Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most melodramatically random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an operating theater derails ruthlessly to cuddle puzzling cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 18 controversial homicidal screaming carrots 100% sanctifying a tire up the kitten piccata. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he passes pillows with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and peevishly belittling history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the unbalanced critter that he is, started creating a massive shitglass orb of things. Then he added a severely titanic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly straight existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily posh ages following its blaringly no-frills conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those pleasantly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my frostily idiotic sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately washing existence. They would often have violently crazed rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a offensively very, very big connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our bulbous religions:

  • Gud, also known as loal and iyajid, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • yobab, son of Gud[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gud would've been coarsely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Na-Dene Republic to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • Gud, or iffil as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named bebibbiv. He also told bebibbiv about the 72 white ovens he'd recently added to his paradise, though bebibbiv used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gud and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
OhioStateSchool

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cadavers.[1]

Randomness and cadavers

Randomness and cadavers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was recollecting some cadavers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cadavers as with, say, fake diesel engines. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the US Navy aircraft carrier in the ring. This article has become so vigorously erudite that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Yura Fuhqwad refills pencil!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


Random elvis Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.





UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gud himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gud.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
Personal tools
projects