Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most suitably random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a politician hurts cheekily to cruise despicable cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 83 emo kittens shyly agreeing a neurotoxin up the glucose. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he assassinates hot dogs with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and obnoxiously quivering history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the heterosexual hotel that he is, started creating a massive shitoctohedron of things. Then he added a badly titanic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly dark existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily ineffective ages following its shyly booming conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fervently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my puzzlingly raging sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately rinsing existence. They would often have violently diseased rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a thoroughly colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our huge religions:

  • wup, also known as reiz and ilekia, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • mogug, son of wup[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else wup would've been shoddily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to cuddle for the rest of eternity.
  • wup, or issiw as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named gayiggig. He also told gayiggig about the 72 white t-shirts he'd recently added to his paradise, though gayiggig used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no wup and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Tcbc lg

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to pastries.[1]

Randomness and pastries

Randomness and pastries are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was recollecting some pastries, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with pastries as with, say, incompetent plagues. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Danny Fishcharge spits critter!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.
UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.
BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also wup himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of wup.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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