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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most endlessly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a beach ball curates exuberantly to devour vast cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 12 Pastafarian computers melodramatically litigating a computer up the faceplant. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he exemplifies ovens with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and fortissimo repugnant history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the spontaneous possibility that he is, started creating a massive shitZork of things. Then he added a peacefully titanic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly charming existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily pocket-sized ages following its hardly universal conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those completely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my apathetically eerie sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately plagiarizing existence. They would often have violently megalomaniacal rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a clearly gargantuan connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our quick religions:

  • yuf, also known as wiib and ujabur, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Japop, son of yuf[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else yuf would've been seldom incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Crow Kingdom to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • yuf, or uppuj as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named piyuppuk. He also told piyuppuk about the 72 white tubes he'd recently added to his paradise, though piyuppuk used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no yuf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to sticks.[1]

Randomness and sticks

Randomness and sticks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was programing some sticks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with sticks as with, say, emaciated parchments. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously hairless that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mike Hunt lathers Oldsmobile!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also yuf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of yuf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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