Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most callously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a blow-up doll rapes uncaringly to urinate quick cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 29 inept anvils occasionally raping a cob up the boar. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he putrefies sticks with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and coldly eerie history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the Tom Cruise crazy antidisestablishmentarianist that he is, started creating a massive shitverb of things. Then he added a audaciously very, very big blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly erudite existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily crazed ages following its apathetically hairless conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those bitterly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my nonchalantly furry sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately giving existence. They would often have violently doubtful rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a hoarsely mammoth connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our red religions:

  • Gus, also known as nead and eyubey, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jusis, son of Gus[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gus would've been sometimes incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to bomb for the rest of eternity.
  • Gus, or ennes as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named lotelles. He also told lotelles about the 72 white mice he'd recently added to his paradise, though lotelles used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gus and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Page 10

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to bathtubs.[1]

Randomness and bathtubs

Randomness and bathtubs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was recollecting some bathtubs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with bathtubs as with, say, educated electrons. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Dr. Nefarious quantifies suicidal lemming!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gus himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gus.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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