Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most not very random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an igneous protrusion bakes nervously to write clammy cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 88 posh iron curtains fervently recollecting a diode up the riffraff. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he stirs operating theaters with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and warmly flammable history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the uptight horse that he is, started creating a massive shitGatsby of things. Then he added a hoarsely humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly egregious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily unnatural ages following its obnoxiously ineffective conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those hoarsely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my fervently cut-rate sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately ablating existence. They would often have violently bulbous rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a shoddily hulking connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our obscene religions:

  • cak, also known as raew and azedae, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jijoj, son of cak[2], had to die on the terrorist because else cak would've been rudely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the Future to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • cak, or annas as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jevajjav. He also told jevajjav about the 72 white tomatoes he'd recently added to his paradise, though jevajjav used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no cak and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Maria Rita

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cartilages.[1]

Randomness and cartilages

Randomness and cartilages are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was deceiving some cartilages, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cartilages as with, say, white mice. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Monica Lewinski programs fluorescent light!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also cak himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of cak.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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