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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most nastily random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a stick devours fervently to push puce cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 20 cheap tanks not very ablating a toaster up the telephone. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he employs memos with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and gently spontaneous history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the flaccid hostel that he is, started creating a massive shitcigarette of things. Then he added a disturbingly giant blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly baffling existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily repugnant ages following its peevishly congruent conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those hoarsely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my sometimes congruent sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately bamboozling existence. They would often have violently boorish rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a timidly gigantic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our lavish religions:

  • Gof, also known as fiez and agugat, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jisas, son of Gof[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Gof would've been cryptically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in San Francisco to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • Gof, or azzaz as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named wamawwak. He also told wamawwak about the 72 white reindeer he'd recently added to his paradise, though wamawwak used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gof and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to bikinis.[1]

Randomness and bikinis

Randomness and bikinis are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was vomiting some bikinis, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with bikinis as with, say, retarded jellybeans. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mike Hunt meditates pen!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

Time to get a new camera.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gof himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gof.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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