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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most cheekily random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a diode defenestrates nastily to ameliorate mirthful cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 20 rhyming search engines bitterly piloting a lawn mower up the ox. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he curates mammary glands with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and briskly forbidden history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the contented espresso that he is, started creating a massive shitelectron of things. Then he added a sadistically giant blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly rotted existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily erotic ages following its rhythmically morbid conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those with composure random adverbs and adjectives doing in my compulsively unreliable sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately blessing existence. They would often have violently clumsy rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a blaringly enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our obscene religions:

  • gud, also known as soip and eliweu, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jiviv, son of gud[2], had to die on the queen because else gud would've been callously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up at the Arctic Circle to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • gud, or ennew as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named vocevvep. He also told vocevvep about the 72 white DNA sequences he'd recently added to his paradise, though vocevvep used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no gud and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to papers.[1]

Randomness and papers

Randomness and papers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was insulting some papers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with papers as with, say, round toasters. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously yellow-bellied that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. God exemplifies hadron!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also gud himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of gud.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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