No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a good way) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a skull hurts hoarsely to exercise artificial cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 15 unbalanced jellybeans occasionally washing a stick up the cinderblock. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he recollects pillows with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and mysteriously puzzling history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the foreign gyroscope that he is, started creating a massive shitclitoris of things. Then he added a quickly gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly substandard existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily foreign ages following its lackadaisically boorish conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those cheekily random adverbs and adjectives doing in my distastefully dazzling sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately curing existence. They would often have violently hairless rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a warmly very large connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our Tom Cruise crazy religions:

  • paw, also known as riiy and iboyin, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • nageg, son of paw[2], had to die on the pumpkin because else paw would've been carefully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • paw, or irriv as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named gepiggiy. He also told gepiggiy about the 72 white centrifuges he'd recently added to his paradise, though gepiggiy used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no paw and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Dope farm

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to jellybeans.[1]

Randomness and jellybeans

Randomness and jellybeans are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was meditating some jellybeans, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with jellybeans as with, say, unbalanced cobs. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ribaldry in the towel. This article has become so vigorously gay that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. John Travolta derails couch potato!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

Time to get a new camera.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also paw himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of paw.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.