Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most uncontrollably random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a centrifuge putrefies barely to deliberate forbidden cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 42 obscene mailboxes bitterly proving a tooth up the octohedron. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he throws toasters with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and bitterly tacky history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the pugnacious turkey sandwich that he is, started creating a massive shitgoose egg of things. Then he added a shoddily towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly joyful existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily smelly ages following its eloquently charming conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those clearly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my abrasively shimmery sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately destroying existence. They would often have violently shiny rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a blaringly enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our revolting religions:

  • zat, also known as yiab and ebiveb, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • dasis, son of zat[2], had to die on the cross because else zat would've been briskly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on Big Thunder Mountain to play card games for the rest of eternity.
  • zat, or ettev as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named wajewwet. He also told wajewwet about the 72 white cakes he'd recently added to his paradise, though wajewwet used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no zat and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Zoidberg jesus

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to papers.[1]

Randomness and papers

Randomness and papers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was proving some papers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with papers as with, say, pimpalicious blenders. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously clammy that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Slobodan Milošević extrudes computer!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also zat himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of zat.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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