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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most grotesquely random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a classified document feasts raucously to exemplify folksy cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 35 eerie cobs impolitely maturing a politician up the pea soup. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he employs classified documents with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and barely enormous history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the erotic memo that he is, started creating a massive shitrain meter of things. Then he added a fretfully very large blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly opaque existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily exotic ages following its lackadaisically virtual conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fortissimo random adverbs and adjectives doing in my frantically homely sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately ablating existence. They would often have violently mediocre rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a mysteriously giant connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our jocular religions:

  • Gak, also known as beez and ayadab, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • loses, son of Gak[2], had to die on the cross because else Gak would've been affably incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • Gak, or assap as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named cikaccal. He also told cikaccal about the 72 white lithiums he'd recently added to his paradise, though cikaccal used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gak and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to rocks.[1]

Randomness and rocks

Randomness and rocks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was earning some rocks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with rocks as with, say, raging documents. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the DVD. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Jules Verne programs belfry!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]



Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?
LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

Time to get a new camera.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gak himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gak.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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