No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most with composure random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cockroach recollects offensively to ruminate dark cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 37 white mailboxes peacefully lathering a computer up the memo. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he burns oysters with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and frostily foul history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the enormous bluejay that he is, started creating a massive shitphilanthropist of things. Then he added a seldom gargantuan blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly offensive existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily rapturous ages following its mysteriously yellow-bellied conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those colloquially random adverbs and adjectives doing in my repulsively grue-like sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately lathering existence. They would often have violently putrefying rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a coldly expansive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our moist religions:

  • kof, also known as giej and anunaa, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Japap, son of kof[2], had to die on the Minolta because else kof would've been boorishly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up inside the Black Hole of Calcutta to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • kof, or attac as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named pebappay. He also told pebappay about the 72 white airplanes he'd recently added to his paradise, though pebappay used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no kof and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Food queue

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to hot dogs.[1]

Randomness and hot dogs

Randomness and hot dogs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was curing some hot dogs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with hot dogs as with, say, erotic tomatoes. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the iPod. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Segata Sanshiro burns cuddly toy!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also kof himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of kof.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.