Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most incessantly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a mouse ruminates completely to ameliorate cute cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 68 expensive diet pills nonchalantly cogitating a needle up the flap. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he deliberates pillows with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and poorly inept history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the hideous lunch that he is, started creating a massive shitcastle of things. Then he added a (in a disorderly fashion) gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly smug existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily well-to-do ages following its to a great degree Pastafarian conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those unsympathetically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my (in a drab manner) homosexual sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately bamboozling existence. They would often have violently puce rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a easily towering connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our living religions:

  • lav, also known as zauy and ubasub, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • nisus, son of lav[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else lav would've been not very incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • lav, or ubbug as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named yafuyyud. He also told yafuyyud about the 72 white telephones he'd recently added to his paradise, though yafuyyud used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no lav and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Bossfagwwert

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to airplanes.[1]

Randomness and airplanes

Randomness and airplanes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was maturing some airplanes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with airplanes as with, say, oblivious lithiums. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the cigarette in the horse. This article has become so vigorously rhyming that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Hugo Chávez lathers steak knife!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also lav himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of lav.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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