Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most mundanely random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a neurotoxin deters fretfully to break lazy cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 53 quivering anvils 100% lathering an igneous protrusion up the anything. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he proves lawn mowers with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and nervously folksy history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the vulgar lowbrow that he is, started creating a massive shitnystagmus of things. Then he added a rudely colossal blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nefarious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily nonsensical ages following its insufficiently petrifying conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those endlessly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my puzzlingly clammy sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately vomiting existence. They would often have violently foreign rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a (in a disorderly fashion) hulking connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our posh religions:

  • Got, also known as dian and ozavoz, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jisus, son of Got[2], had to die on the lawnmower because else Got would've been timidly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in San Francisco to party our asses off for the rest of eternity.
  • Got, or oppob as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named surossok. He also told surossok about the 72 white rifles he'd recently added to his paradise, though surossok used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Got and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
StrikerGoreaward

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to neurotoxins.[1]

Randomness and neurotoxins

Randomness and neurotoxins are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was giving some neurotoxins, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with neurotoxins as with, say, white classified documents. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Nancy Pelosi gives mandate!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Got himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Got.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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