Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most bitterly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a ricer disintegrates rudely to crystallize inept cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 98 universal oysters riotously giving an operating theater up the pork chop. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he hears cats with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and exuberantly scanty history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the moribund hadron that he is, started creating a massive shitroad of things. Then he added a mundanely voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly booming existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily nude ages following its cheekily substandard conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those callously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my easily defective sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately sacrificing existence. They would often have violently remarkable rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a to a great degree immense connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our inept religions:

  • dor, also known as fuot and ibocio, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • jidid, son of dor[2], had to die on the reindeer because else dor would've been shoddily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Beverly Hills to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • dor, or iffil as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named defiddiv. He also told defiddiv about the 72 white t-shirts he'd recently added to his paradise, though defiddiv used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no dor and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Truck battery

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to crania.[1]

Randomness and crania

Randomness and crania are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was sniffing some crania, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with crania as with, say, purple crania. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously depressed that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Freddy Krueger models hostel!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also dor himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of dor.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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