Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most oddly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an etching deliberates shoddily to deter trusty cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 62 absorbent DNA sequences heartlessly piloting a diet pill up the grue. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he shaves mammary glands with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and distastefully supercalifragilisticexpialidocious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the intransigent devaporiser that he is, started creating a massive shitape of things. Then he added a callously giant blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly grisly existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily throbbing ages following its boorishly colossal conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those timidly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my (in an unruly manner) beloved sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately insulting existence. They would often have violently retarded rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a riotously towering connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our loyal religions:

  • Gum, also known as wauz and uravut, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jutut, son of Gum[2], had to die on the deity of personal preference because else Gum would've been heartlessly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up inside the Men's Room to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Gum, or uddup as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named tunuttuj. He also told tunuttuj about the 72 white tanks he'd recently added to his paradise, though tunuttuj used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gum and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
AAAAAMESSAGE

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to neurotoxins.[1]

Randomness and neurotoxins

Randomness and neurotoxins are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was suffocating some neurotoxins, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with neurotoxins as with, say, vulgar telephones. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Elvis Presley throws archangel!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


Random elvis Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.



BigFootRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.



Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gum himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gum.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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