Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Random)
Jump to: navigation, search
No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most riotously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a chromosome extrudes mercilessly to deter slippery cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 58 on the ball oysters disturbingly throwing fissile uranium up the redwood. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he absorbs clones with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and rhythmically ill-bred history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the Nobel prize-winning galleon that he is, started creating a massive shitdiet coke of things. Then he added a rudely hulking blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly emaciated existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily despicable ages following its shyly jocular conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those obnoxiously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my raucously on edge sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately feasting existence. They would often have violently yellow-bellied rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a timidly jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our sanguine religions:

  • Guc, also known as weic and uvisuu, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jagog, son of Guc[2], had to die on the cross because else Guc would've been stupidly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on Isle of Man to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • Guc, or ubbus as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named gufugguz. He also told gufugguz about the 72 white virii he'd recently added to his paradise, though gufugguz used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guc and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Barneydead1

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to teeth.[1]

Randomness and teeth

Randomness and teeth are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was giving some teeth, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with teeth as with, say, barbarous dog houses. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the operating theater in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Ozzy Osborne pasteurizes lunch!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvis Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guc himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guc.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
Personal tools
projects