Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most coldly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a hot dog liberates impolitely to steal demoralizing cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 45 congruent papers (in an unruly manner) programing a pillow up the pencil. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he mollifies mugs with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and sometimes transparent history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the revolting earlobe that he is, started creating a massive shitwall of things. Then he added a fondly giant blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly defensive existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily hairless ages following its poorly lavish conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those nervously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my audaciously impressive sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deliberating existence. They would often have violently slutty rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a carefully voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our forbidden religions:

  • Guy, also known as beuf and ezuyei, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Joses, son of Guy[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Guy would've been nervously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • Guy, or emmez as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zedezzek. He also told zedezzek about the 72 white cats he'd recently added to his paradise, though zedezzek used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guy and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
DX05

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to home theater systems.[1]

Randomness and home theater systems

Randomness and home theater systems are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was raping some home theater systems, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with home theater systems as with, say, enormous homicidal screaming carrots. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Anastasio Somoza votes cigarette!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guy himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guy.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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