Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Random)
Jump to: navigation, search
No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most repulsively random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a centrifuge rewards extremely to sell grue-like cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 56 nonsensical mugs insufficiently navigating an anvil up the brand. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he spits virii with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and carefully shimmery history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the flammable queer that he is, started creating a massive shitscroll of things. Then he added a abrasively giant blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly abnormal existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily belittling ages following its hatefully loyal conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those (in a good way) random adverbs and adjectives doing in my nonchalantly uncivilized sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately piloting existence. They would often have violently malevolent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a obnoxiously voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our egregious religions:

  • ron, also known as jeun and ezevew, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jokuk, son of ron[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else ron would've been distastefully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Cairo to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • ron, or emmeg as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named kerekkek. He also told kerekkek about the 72 white white boys he'd recently added to his paradise, though kerekkek used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no ron and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Melee

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to homicidal screaming carrots.[1]

Randomness and homicidal screaming carrots

Randomness and homicidal screaming carrots are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was mystifying some homicidal screaming carrots, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with homicidal screaming carrots as with, say, putrefying jellybeans. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously moribund that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Reba McEntire exorcise bottle!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]



UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.


UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for probing.



LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Time to get a new camera.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also ron himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of ron.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
Personal tools
projects