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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most mysteriously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a hairball rebels hardly to bake well-to-do cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 62 unpleased t-shirts (in an unruly manner) modelling a hairball up the ripple. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he revolves petroglyphs with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and mundanely ineffective history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the repugnant brisket that he is, started creating a massive shitpencil of things. Then he added a (in an unimpressed manner) voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly curative existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily egregious ages following its callously forbidden conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those (in a good way) random adverbs and adjectives doing in my seldom rapturous sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately sanctifying existence. They would often have violently rude rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a fretfully immense connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our lovely religions:

  • gak, also known as zaiz and oyijou, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jezoz, son of gak[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else gak would've been rabidly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • gak, or oppon as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zopozzov. He also told zopozzov about the 72 white pastries he'd recently added to his paradise, though zopozzov used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no gak and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to rakes.[1]

Randomness and rakes

Randomness and rakes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was plagiarizing some rakes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with rakes as with, say, round houseplants. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the riverbank in the towel. This article has become so vigorously congruent that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Colonel Angus lathers respiratory system!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

Time to get a new camera.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also gak himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of gak.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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