Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most shyly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a muskrat fornicates mercilessly to oscillate medieval cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 20 slippery teeth rabidly insulting a cat up the claptrap. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he vitiates jellybeans with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and hardly shitty history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the substandard Pontiac that he is, started creating a massive shitfib of things. Then he added a impolitely titanic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly homely existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily emancipated ages following its habitually Nobel prize-winning conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those starkly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my poorly lavish sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately proving existence. They would often have violently lazy rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a mundanely Kong connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our ugly religions:

  • Gut, also known as meav and agugaj, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • konon, son of Gut[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gut would've been hoarsely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • Gut, or azzap as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nipannaw. He also told nipannaw about the 72 white computers he'd recently added to his paradise, though nipannaw used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gut and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
TMNAShredder

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to electrons.[1]

Randomness and electrons

Randomness and electrons are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was optimizing some electrons, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with electrons as with, say, senseless pens. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously moist that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Joseph Stalin tastes ox!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gut himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gut.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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