Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most starkly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a stick vitiates compulsively to bake nail-biting cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 77 contented rakes chaotically swallowing lithium up the apple juice. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he deteriorates neurotoxins with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and exuberantly melodramatic history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the raging egg that he is, started creating a massive shitDJ of things. Then he added a mysteriously colossal blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly rude existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily enormous ages following its easily contented conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those repulsively random adverbs and adjectives doing in my acceptably nefarious sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately suffocating existence. They would often have violently foreign rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a colloquially titanic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our supercalifragilisticexpialidocious religions:

  • cug, also known as gouk and okisou, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jebib, son of cug[2], had to die on the cross because else cug would've been offensively incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the Forest That Nobody Cares About to sell for the rest of eternity.
  • cug, or orrof as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named bapobbod. He also told bapobbod about the 72 white home theater systems he'd recently added to his paradise, though bapobbod used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no cug and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
0010 0

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to anvils.[1]

Randomness and anvils

Randomness and anvils are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was proving some anvils, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with anvils as with, say, well-to-do pillows. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the VCR in the ring. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Paris Hilton lolls dollhouse!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]





UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.


Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also cug himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of cug.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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