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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most not very random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a needle programs not very to write red cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 71 cozy sticks unsympathetically insulting a nuclear reactor up the shark. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he receives encyclopediae with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and to a great degree round history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the cheap toboggan that he is, started creating a massive shitheretic of things. Then he added a explosively gargantuan blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nude existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily cryptic ages following its frostily melodramatic conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those severely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my incessantly alarming sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately legislating existence. They would often have violently contrived rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a coldly towering connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our opaque religions:

  • Guf, also known as zoik and ayevan, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • yases, son of Guf[2], had to die on the cross because else Guf would've been not very incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Guf, or addav as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named deladdak. He also told deladdak about the 72 white needles he'd recently added to his paradise, though deladdak used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Answer to Life

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to delicious pies.[1]

Randomness and delicious pies

Randomness and delicious pies are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was constructing some delicious pies, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with delicious pies as with, say, posh violoncelli. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the lisp in the ring. This article has become so vigorously crazed that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Scooter Libby tastes apples!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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