Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most habitually random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when glycerin panders colloquially to sell macabre cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 26 yellow politicians disturbingly legislating a classified document up the crab cake. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he anglicises ovens with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and briskly unbalanced history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the oozing Kodak that he is, started creating a massive shitcouch potato of things. Then he added a abrasively mammoth blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly ambiguous existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily substandard ages following its mundanely retarded conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fervently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my barely ugly sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately employing existence. They would often have violently loyal rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a raucously enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our senseless religions:

  • Gav, also known as diuc and icegiy, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • yiyiy, son of Gav[2], had to die on the cross because else Gav would've been easily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Phoenicia to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • Gav, or iddiv as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named yusiyyin. He also told yusiyyin about the 72 white oysters he'd recently added to his paradise, though yusiyyin used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gav and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Sharkshop

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to houseplants.[1]

Randomness and houseplants

Randomness and houseplants are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was litigating some houseplants, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with houseplants as with, say, infectious crania. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the deity of personal preference. This article has become so vigorously jocular that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Bill Gates programs alpaca sandwich!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gav himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gav.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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