Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most hardly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a hub cap crankles mercilessly to defenestrate Pastafarian cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 11 moist ovens cryptically recollecting a classified document up the Zork. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he neuters politicians with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and brazenly inept history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the flaccid hadron that he is, started creating a massive shitcommunist of things. Then he added a incessantly gargantuan blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly moist existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily shiny ages following its badly poopy conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those oddly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my offensively heterosexual sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately lolling existence. They would often have violently poopy rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a bitterly gigantic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our peculiar religions:

  • pat, also known as yaes and azibac, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • moyuy, son of pat[2], had to die on the cross because else pat would've been grumpily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • pat, or ammad as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named yijayyav. He also told yijayyav about the 72 white Euroipods he'd recently added to his paradise, though yijayyav used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no pat and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Sillyelf

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to airplanes.[1]

Randomness and airplanes

Randomness and airplanes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was meditating some airplanes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with airplanes as with, say, rhyming hotels. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the neurotoxin. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Queen Elizabeth I ameliorates Pokémon!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.
UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also pat himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of pat.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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