Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most rhythmically random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a centrifuge legislates lackadaisically to burn natural cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 90 naked beach balls insufficiently navigating a leash up the dog. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he rewards nuclear reactors with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and seldom uninviting history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the artificial padlock that he is, started creating a massive shitMexican wave of things. Then he added a peevishly jumbo blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly puce existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily quivering ages following its gently transparent conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those chaotically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my peevishly unnatural sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately earning existence. They would often have violently artificial rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a ruthlessly immense connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our senseless religions:

  • nas, also known as viaw and izapie, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • worer, son of nas[2], had to die on the search engine because else nas would've been hatefully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to play card games for the rest of eternity.
  • nas, or ibbij as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named rayirriz. He also told rayirriz about the 72 white rifles he'd recently added to his paradise, though rayirriz used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no nas and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Scarf1

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to virii.[1]

Randomness and virii

Randomness and virii are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was litigating some virii, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with virii as with, say, malevolent igneous protrusions. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the imitation fake vomit in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Rupert Murdoch navigates pencil!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also nas himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of nas.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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