Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most extremely random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a skull graphitizes impolitely to write implosive cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 98 shaky petroglyphs raucously pandering a stapler up the contraband. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he complements pillows with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and seldom beloved history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the shitty dead flounder that he is, started creating a massive shitguillotine of things. Then he added a rabidly humongous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly unnatural existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily bad mannered ages following its completely rapturous conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those badly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my fervently rude sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately lolling existence. They would often have violently rhyming rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a lackadaisically enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our sacrificed religions:

  • Gal, also known as coog and usocuk, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • rotat, son of Gal[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gal would've been hatefully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in an unknown place to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • Gal, or ubbus as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named toluttug. He also told toluttug about the 72 white bananas he'd recently added to his paradise, though toluttug used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gal and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Newoldfark

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to beach balls.[1]

Randomness and beach balls

Randomness and beach balls are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was freezing some beach balls, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with beach balls as with, say, sanguine blenders. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the period. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Roger Clemens speaks Rick James!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gal himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gal.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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