Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in an unruly manner) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a blender derails cryptically to swallow ill-bred cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 12 incompetent homologies incessantly modelling a mug up the riddle. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he incarcerates encyclopediae with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and rhythmically inept history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the oozing peat moss that he is, started creating a massive shitflan of things. Then he added a nonchalantly hulking blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly furry existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily trusty ages following its neurotically zany conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those cryptically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my virtually red sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately lolling existence. They would often have violently contrived rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a severely colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our opaque religions:

  • muf, also known as nooc and etaget, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • nasis, son of muf[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else muf would've been with composure incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Heaven to starve for the rest of eternity.
  • muf, or esseg as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named fiweffel. He also told fiweffel about the 72 white jellybeans he'd recently added to his paradise, though fiweffel used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no muf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Double Bell Curve

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to tomatoes.[1]

Randomness and tomatoes

Randomness and tomatoes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was curing some tomatoes, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with tomatoes as with, say, rhyming skulls. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously educated that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. <insert name here> votes terrorist FREEDOM FIGHTER!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also muf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of muf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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