Randomness

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No. 5, 1948
Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most colloquially random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a lubricant burglarizes endlessly to neuter equivalent cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 73 contagious encyclopediae fondly feasting a skull up the diet pill. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS
God as he overthrows crania with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and verbosely universal history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the bright adverb that he is, started creating a massive shitfat of things. Then he added a 100% towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly intransigent existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily curative ages following its uncaringly emo conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those puzzlingly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my noisily doubtful sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately freezing existence. They would often have violently incompetent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a chaotically enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our nonsensical religions:

  • Gut, also known as buay and eyucer, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • cesos, son of Gut[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gut would've been haphazardly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Blackfoot Empire to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • Gut, or edded as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named rumerrey. He also told rumerrey about the 72 white etchings he'd recently added to his paradise, though rumerrey used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gut and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Charlie
Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to gas tanks.[1]

Randomness and gas tanks

Randomness and gas tanks are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was freezing some gas tanks, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with gas tanks as with, say, rotted anvils. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Jose Cuervo burglarizes flatulence!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gut himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gut.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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