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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most continuously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a mammary gland erects quickly to vote white cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 69 bloody rifles hatefully suffocating a tomato up the grue. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he deteriorates classified documents with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and chaotically throbbing history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the substandard band that he is, started creating a massive shitlucky bastard of things. Then he added a affably enormous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly opaque existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily sensual ages following its chaotically wobbly conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those compulsively random adverbs and adjectives doing in my audaciously erudite sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately writing existence. They would often have violently substandard rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a blaringly humongous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our rhythmic religions:

  • Gud, also known as fiow and uzuguo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jowow, son of Gud[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Gud would've been warmly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Mexico City to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Gud, or uzzum as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named wovuwwuv. He also told wovuwwuv about the 72 white pens he'd recently added to his paradise, though wovuwwuv used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gud and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to boats.[1]

Randomness and boats

Randomness and boats are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was drying some boats, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with boats as with, say, retarded cadavers. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the Gatsby. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Rob Liefeld deports pill!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]



Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gud himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gud.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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