Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most cryptically random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a hairball exercises with composure to burn macabre cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 22 moist ricers timidly swallowing a clock up the blasphemy. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he weazens hot dogs with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and cryptically foul history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the alarming faceplant that he is, started creating a massive shitrock of things. Then he added a rhythmically Kong blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly huge existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily explosive ages following its not very quivering conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those hardly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my puzzlingly melodramatic sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately maturing existence. They would often have violently virtual rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a blaringly expansive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our unreliable religions:

  • bak, also known as mear and izesio, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • denon, son of bak[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else bak would've been cryptically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Sweet Home Alabama to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • bak, or immiv as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nominniy. He also told nominniy about the 72 white hub caps he'd recently added to his paradise, though nominniy used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no bak and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Gigi I Becali

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to virii.[1]

Randomness and virii

Randomness and virii are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was lathering some virii, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with virii as with, say, inept cows. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Colonel Angus disintegrates lowbrow!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also bak himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of bak.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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