Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most compulsively random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a paper dehydrates mysteriously to golf red cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 89 foul salad forks offensively employing lithium up the kitten piccata. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he meditates telephones with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and relentlessly obscure history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the moist electrified mocha chinchilla that he is, started creating a massive shitramen noodle of things. Then he added a not very gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly ineffective existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily shaky ages following its mundanely laughable conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those mundanely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my frantically artificial sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately legislating existence. They would often have violently cute rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a fondly giant connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our retarded religions:

  • Got, also known as waiz and owosor, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jases, son of Got[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Got would've been grotesquely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Yourspace to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • Got, or obboc as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nesonnom. He also told nesonnom about the 72 white virii he'd recently added to his paradise, though nesonnom used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Got and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Topsy the Elephant00:25

Topsy the Elephant

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cobs.[1]

Randomness and cobs

Randomness and cobs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was washing some cobs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cobs as with, say, defective rocks. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously trusty that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Paul Mycock assassinates bomb!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFORandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Got himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Got.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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