Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most carefully random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a politician deteriorates heartlessly to pass sheer cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 85 charming staplers rudely destroying a gas tank up the rollerblade. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he orates electrons with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and affably opaque history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the alarming hovel that he is, started creating a massive shitpotato of things. Then he added a (in a good way) giant blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly sumptuous existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily nefarious ages following its hatefully emancipated conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those fretfully random adverbs and adjectives doing in my stupidly exotic sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately suffocating existence. They would often have violently nonsensical rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a endlessly amplitudinous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our oblivious religions:

  • zoz, also known as riom and onacoe, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Josis, son of zoz[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else zoz would've been nonchalantly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • zoz, or orrov as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named panoppol. He also told panoppol about the 72 white ricers he'd recently added to his paradise, though panoppol used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no zoz and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Ijkjk

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to mugs.[1]

Randomness and mugs

Randomness and mugs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was destroying some mugs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with mugs as with, say, slutty operating theaters. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Niels Bohr ablates zipper!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]



LochNessMonsterRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Time to get a new camera.




Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also zoz himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of zoz.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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