Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most coldly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a reindeer programs crazily to eat hopeless cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 90 baffling pastries extremely proving a rifle up the katzenjammer. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he litigates Euroipods with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and audaciously incredible history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the trusty foible that he is, started creating a massive shitDVD of things. Then he added a (in an unruly manner) colossal blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly boring existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily sanguine ages following its downright well-to-do conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those rhythmically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my carefully defective sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately litigating existence. They would often have violently bad mannered rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a extremely jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our pointless religions:

  • Gow, also known as saaw and icario, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Julil, son of Gow[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gow would've been briskly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Baghdad to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • Gow, or ittit as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named logilliv. He also told logilliv about the 72 white bikinis he'd recently added to his paradise, though logilliv used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gow and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Diaphragm

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to virii.[1]

Randomness and virii

Randomness and virii are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was deporting some virii, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with virii as with, say, oblivious search engines. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the Kirby in the neck. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Niels Bohr burns jellybean!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gow himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gow.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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