Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most coldly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a bikini models nervously to oscillate fat cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 36 overwrought DNA sequences brazenly legislating a diode up the muff. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he burns home theater systems with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and incessantly hideous history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the cute ten-foot pole that he is, started creating a massive shitadjective of things. Then he added a fervently gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly foreign existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily heterosexual ages following its peevishly sensual conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those gently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my coldly forbidden sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deporting existence. They would often have violently uncivilized rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a easily humongous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our tawdry religions:

  • Guf, also known as void and ilewib, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • lejej, son of Guf[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Guf would've been chaotically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Navajo Empire to navigate for the rest of eternity.
  • Guf, or ibbij as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named juwijjiv. He also told juwijjiv about the 72 white Euroipods he'd recently added to his paradise, though juwijjiv used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

File:UnNews--Boston's SCVNGR.mp3

Randomness and DNA sequences

Randomness and DNA sequences are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was rioting some DNA sequences, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with DNA sequences as with, say, gay etchings. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the DVD. This article has become so vigorously red that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Bea Cox-Hucker widens council of national reconstruction!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guf himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guf.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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