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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most relentlessly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a tomato toasts peacefully to sell grue-like cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 83 malevolent cockroaches nervously deconstructing a memo up the toboggan. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he lolls beach balls with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and sadistically curative history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the transparent Republican that he is, started creating a massive shitsea bass of things. Then he added a grotesquely amplitudinous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly cute existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily yellow ages following its badly fake conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those rapidly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my hatefully erudite sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately constructing existence. They would often have violently incompetent rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a disturbingly immense connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our cheap religions:

  • zov, also known as siaz and oziyoo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • tosis, son of zov[2], had to die on the foible because else zov would've been with composure incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to do Mad Libs for the rest of eternity.
  • zov, or onnoz as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named yitoyyob. He also told yitoyyob about the 72 white documents he'd recently added to his paradise, though yitoyyob used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no zov and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to iron curtains.[1]

Randomness and iron curtains

Randomness and iron curtains are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was constructing some iron curtains, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with iron curtains as with, say, natural kittens. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Ima Hogg vitiates hallway!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.

The King has left the building.

Random elvisRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

The King has left the building.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also zov himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of zov.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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