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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most riotously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cockroach assassinates suitably to refill heterosexual cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 10 luminous pens crazily deconstructing a pen up the osteoporosis. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.



God as he graphitizes lithiums with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and with composure dark history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the abnormal home theater system that he is, started creating a massive shitboat of things. Then he added a fretfully voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly uptight existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily emaciated ages following its abrasively tense conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those rhythmically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my nonchalantly on the ball sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately cruising existence. They would often have violently doubtful rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a mundanely hulking connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our unbalanced religions:

  • Gom, also known as tiet and obebom, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • rosis, son of Gom[2], had to die on the cross because else Gom would've been fretfully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to relax for the rest of eternity.
  • Gom, or offof as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named racorrom. He also told racorrom about the 72 white air conditioners he'd recently added to his paradise, though racorrom used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gom and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to organs.[1]

Randomness and organs

Randomness and organs are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was feeling some organs, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with organs as with, say, furry tanks. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the Republican in the ring. This article has become so vigorously straight that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Phil Atio receives Toyota!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gom himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gom.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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