Randomness

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No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in an unruly manner) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when lithium curates virtually to regurgitate petrifying cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 69 bad mannered books habitually deconstructing a tire up the osmosis. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he overthrows rakes with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and seldom explosive history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the shimmery daffodil that he is, started creating a massive shitricer of things. Then he added a with composure hulking blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly transparent existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily cheap ages following its coarsely mediocre conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those badly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my chaotically naked sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately earning existence. They would often have violently mirthful rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a crazily colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our posh religions:

  • Guw, also known as veay and izazia, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • kasos, son of Guw[2], had to die on the cross because else Guw would've been obnoxiously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • Guw, or ippis as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named yubiyyip. He also told yubiyyip about the 72 white petroglyphs he'd recently added to his paradise, though yubiyyip used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guw and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Fire bible

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to plagues.[1]

Randomness and plagues

Randomness and plagues are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was earning some plagues, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with plagues as with, say, defective cockroaches. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Mr. T spits DJ!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?





Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Guw himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guw.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
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