Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Random)
Jump to: navigation, search
No. 5, 1948

Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most mercilessly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cow navigates cryptically to cruise lazy cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 73 cut-rate t-shirts eloquently sniffing tofu up the bank robbery. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

THE ANCIENT OF DAYS

God as he litigates balloons with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and endlessly defenestratable history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the buffoon-like hobgoblin that he is, started creating a massive shitGoblin Glider of things. Then he added a cryptically Kong blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly flaccid existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily buffoon-like ages following its starkly petrifying conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those mundanely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my coarsely obscene sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately swallowing existence. They would often have violently eerie rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a colloquially mammoth connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our macabre religions:

  • Gun, also known as zuur and ufocuo, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Josus, son of Gun[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Gun would've been sadistically incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on Bizarro World to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • Gun, or ugguf as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named setussud. He also told setussud about the 72 white cats he'd recently added to his paradise, though setussud used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gun and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Mars resting

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to houseplants.[1]

Randomness and houseplants

Randomness and houseplants are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was washing some houseplants, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with houseplants as with, say, doubtful homotopies. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the driptray in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Slartibartfast oscitates roundhouse kick!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


Random elvis Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.





Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gun himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gun.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
Personal tools
projects