Rammstein

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“They clearly try to copy our style.”
~ Oomph! on Rammstein

“I'd say you try to copy their syle.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Oomph!

Herzeleid cover

Rammstein members are well-known nudists

“I really love raspburries.”
~ Guy Fawkes for unknown reasons

Rammstein (pronounced Rrrrrrrrrrrrammstein) is a German band. You could say "It's alright, Germans always had good musicians, such as Bach and Mozart". That's right. But Rammstein play Faux Industrial Metal. Absolutely disgusting. Half their lyrics speak about wild wild sex, 5% about pure love, 20% about death and the rest about things only they understand.

Band history

Rammstein was founded in 1994 in a small German town called Berlin. Initially, the band consisted of Till Lindemann, Richard Kruspe, Oliver Riedel and Cristoph Schneider.[1] They wanted to rock the boat of the music industry, with a hard sound and even harder lyrics. But they realized they couldn't do that without one more guitarist and a mascot. As a result they attempted to recruit Paul Landers[2] and Christian Lorenz. The latter was hesitant, but after a box of cookies he agreed to join in.

Accident

A little accident at a Rammstein show

The band toured all over Germany in order to boost their popularity. However, they wered booed in all concerts. All members were troubled as they didn't know what to do. While drinking gallons of beer at Oktoberfest, Till had an excellent idea. "Feuer, feur!" he yelled and explained his idea to the others. They also found it great. Rammstein's pyromania was born that memorable day...

Since then, Rammstein always use these pyrotechnic tricks. Suddenly they became very popular in their country. They became the best band of Neue Deutsche Härte subgenre. This enraged another band, Oomph!, which claims to be the one and only Neue Deutsche Härte band. Although the two bands themselves are civil and polite to each other, the Oomph! fans and Rammstein fans are at war with each other constantly. We are talking about serious war, just like a civil war. However, the Oomph! fans are always burnt to dust, thanks to Rammstein fans' pyromania.

Anyway, Rammstein keeped gaining fame and soon became popular in whole Europe. Grandpa Adi would really be proud of them, wouldn't he? In 1996 they performed in UK. It was a huge success. During this period they got their first groupies, some hairy, blonde German maidens. After UK the band triumphantly toured all over the world. Some people accused them of being Nazis, but these people were mysteriously assassinated by a Bavarian ninja.

Rammstein south park

Rammstein during a concert at South Park

Rammstein gained more and more fans and eventually they became a world-wide phenomenon. Actually, nobody bought their albums except Till's grandma. But when Rammstein held a show, everyone would run to buy a ticket, because they wanted to see all those fire stuff. While touring Europe in 2005 Rammstein was confronted with charges of arson and necrophilia. But Angela Merkel intervened and promised that her lieblingsjungen would not be bad boys again.

Rammstein continued releasing many hits, such as Bestrafe mich (Punish me), Du riechst so gut (You smell so good) and Te Quiero Puta (I love you bitch). Till gained much fame for his deep voice that can send the peasants fleeing into their barns and bolting their doors. He is a licensed pyrotechnician, with multiple burns on his ears, hair, arms and testicles. Today the band is hidding for unknown reasons, perhaps in a cave on the Alps.

Controversy

In 1984, ten years before the band had begun existence, Rammstein fans got everyones hopes up saying how incredible they are going to be when they do come to exist. Then, in ten years time, when they came into the spotlight, everyone realized that Rammstein were just a novelty industrial band. Rammstein were then imprisoned for 2 consecutive life sentences for breaching copyright of the far more superior band, KMFDM, after 1,835 counts of content theft.

DramaticQuestionMark
Did you know...
...the writer of this article is a great fan of Rammstein? But the rest of the world know how unoriginal they really are

Rammstein videos, photos and shows cause considerable controversy in Germany and other countries. For example, they are considered to be Hitler-fans. Kruspe has stated: "Now I want you to take your middle finger and stick it up your goddamn puckerhole." (In the sexiest and most perfect accent ever)

The videoclip for Mann gegen Mann (Man against man) shows the cross-dressed, half-naked members playing music. "Was ist wrong with that?", said Lindemann. "Have du ever tried high-heels? They are very comfortable". What is more, the video for Pussy (no translation needed) depicts hotties having sex with the band members. "Just because du kann nicht get pussy, es doesn't mean Ich kannt habe as many as Ich want!", exclaimed Lindemann.[3]

Famous Rammstein fans

Simpson-rammstein

Homer fuckin' loves Rammstein

Discography

Bouncywikilogo8
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Rammstein.

Here's Rammstein discography, because by now you're madly in love with them:

  • Herzeleid
  • Sehnsucht
  • Mutter
  • Reise, reise
  • Rosenrot
  • Liebe ist für alle da
  • I can't believe it's not KMFDM (those c*nts put us in jail)

Footnotes

  1. As far as I know, nothing to do with Rob Schneider.
  2. It reminds me Paulaner beer. What about you?
  3. We unfortunately don't know the reporter's answer.
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