Ragusa
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"You want the TRUTH? You may or may NOT handle the TRUTH!"
~ Oscar Wilde on the Truth about Ragusa
"In the beginning God created Ragusa, and after lunch He created the heaven and the earth. God created Ragusa in His own image, in the image of God created He it; Ragusa and its greatness created He them."
The Republic of Ragusa was the old name for the city of Dubrovnik in Croatia, when it was an independent country. However, it is unknown to some that Ragusa in fact still exists, and the whole 'Dubrovnik' thing was staged so that no-one else would know how awesome it was. The Serbs tried to hide this fact by bombing Ragusa, but then they changed their minds and decided to bomb other places instead.
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[edit] History
--WARNING-- this article is extremely stupid, and not funny at all
The Republic of Ragusa was founded at the beginning of time by God, but was named as part of Croatia so that jealous devils did not seek to destroy it. Throughout its history it repelled invasion attempts from bloodthirsty, evil militant countries such as Italy, Greece, Austria, Turkey, France, Serbia, Montenegro, Switzerland and Nauru, with the use of its walls alone and Čuck Norris, the roundhouse-kicking Ragusan Knez who oversaw Ragusa. Pupeteering the state of Croatia, it oversaw its advances throughout the whole known world, namely Slavonia, Dalmatia and Serbia, that had to be ignored for the rest of eternity to give it time to learn how to speak Ragusan. Ragusan was designed after great thought by Ragusan scholars, possibly the most intelligent people ever to walk the earth, and all other world languages are simply dialects of it. The connecting bond of Ragusan, controlling the service known as 'Babelfish', has allowed us to end world poverty, bring eternal happiness to the world, and commit the Serbs to eternal study.
[edit] Geography
Ragusa, secretly controlling Croatia, is widely known to have won WWII, however was kind and generous enough to let the defeated countries continue daily life as autonomous provinces. The main ones, in Ragusan, are listed below:
- Americati
- Britainati
- Japanati
- Russiati
- Germanyati
- Francati
- Spainati
- Brazilati
- Chinati
- Finlandati
- Italyati
- Turkeyati
[edit] Achievements
Ragusa, even before it controlled the known world, had some of the most intelligent and great scholars, politicians and thinkers of its day. It is a little-known fact that the tie, the nuclear submarine, the time machine and the elixir of life were all invented in Ragusa. Its scholars were on the way to finding the meaning of life, the universe and everything when they were interuppted by an impertinent Frenchman called Napoleon, who was of course decisively defeated. However, they then lost their train of thought and had to concentrate on telling everyone how great they once were.
It also invented Ragu. Greatest sauce ever.
[edit] Modern Day Ragusa
--ANOTHER WARNING-- if you happen to actually read something of remote humourous quality, please tell us
Nowadays, central Ragusa (Dubrovnik) is made up of pretty much everything anyone ever needs - beautiful buildings with terracotta roofs, buildings with terracotta roofs, and some stone houses with terracotta roofs, all of which make central Ragusa one of the best and most fun-filled places in the world. And what can be more fun than learning about all the life-changing things Ragusa may or may not do while seeing the wide variety of identical stone houses? Čuck Norris has been replaced with Ozćar Wilde due to popular demand, resulting in the new motto of Ragusa - "The truth is, Ragusa's greatness never died, it just went home. I know, I stole that almost directly from Men In Black."
