Ragtime Gal

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Archeologyst
Judging from the moisture and rings around the tube, id say perhaps sometime between the 21st and 29th of each month!
“Periods are the reason I am homosexual. I just can't trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!”

edit Hello, My Baby. Hello, My Honey. Hello, My Ragtime Gal.

The original ragtime gal is a reference to the female period. To explain the period you need to understand that when God invented Eve from Adam's left testicle, he decided not to include the extra bits of excess skin and the penis to his new creation (woman), so instead he grabbed hold of an axe and swung it hard between her legs! This gave birth to both the sport of Golf and the vagina, which was originally named the "Axe wound". Like most fresh wounds, it bled for a week! God seemed to have a sadistic sense of humor, so he made sure that in honor of his first "hole in one" he would issue each future female he invented to be equipped with a self installed stigmata of the vagina. Ever since God's first 3 under par game, women have had what is known today as the period. This is the factual and true story of how this occurrence came to be, despite many scientific claims that periods where invented so the female would also know what it is like to live with a bloody annoying cunt.

edit The New Age Ragtime Gals

Vampireess
Excuse me, Miss. Your lipstick applying skills SUCK

In recent years (provided you're not reading this article 100 years from the day it was written) there has been a massive increase in fans of Vampire movies. Back in the days of Béla Lugosi & Christopher Lee , actors who played Count Dracula Cunt Drunkula where considered real men playing the role of the Dark Lord of the Underworld... however, if those actors could see what has happened to the Vampire roles today, they would be rolling over in their graves at the new Vampire obsession that been taken over by a bunch of gay cocksuckers who claim they are vampire's that sparkle.

Only in Hollywood could such a manly sex symbol be turned into such a limp-wristed, tail-gunning, doughnut-punching gay little boys role. Now with such gay followings to Twilight and True Blood the phenomenal craze to see men go from bloodsucking demons of the night to gay cock-sucking faggots in glittery makeup. Some women just can not seem to get enough of this. So many of these fans argue over who is better, the Twilight cocksucker, or the True Blood cocksucker? But even more amazing is younger women, and some old enough to know better, too, have decided that they want to live the life of a vampire, as a vampriss (sort of like a fag but with tits). Which to them only means having a pale face, applying sparkly makeup & inserting irregular colored eye contacts. However, if they really did want to be a true Vampiress (AKA: Lesbian with Fangs) they would have to be OK with earning their Scout badge for "Red Wings".

LVK

Boy are the sparkles gonna fly when he realizes that is not strawberry jam on his wife's face

Th EmoticonVampire2

If you are unfamiliar with the term "Red Wings", then to put it discreetly, it means performing cunnilingus on a female who is currently being visited by her Aunt Flow. Indiscreetly it means munching down on her bleeding cunt and drinking from the toothless vampires fountain of youth. This would earn them a deserving title to call themselves a true new-age "Rag Time Gal". It would also make sense of such younger generations obsession with drinking Red Bull, an energy drink that gives you wings and it is red. This is how the newer generation of so called Vampire wannabes consider getting themselves a "Red Wings" badge. But little do they know that the wings a beverage claim to give you, are not the same as eating around the wings of a vagina that has a little white mouse buried in its hole getting fatter.

If today's obsessed fans of movies wish to adapt their entire lifestyles around Vampire-ism, and truly earn their "red wings" to be a real "Ragtime Gal", then they had better be prepared to end certain get together & dates with, "see you next month"... same red wing channel, same red wing time. If this however seems gross or disgusting to any woman reading this who considers herself the new Vampriss of the modern age... then i'm afraid you are yet to lick out more then you can chew drink to be considered a a true blooded creature that glitters in the twilight of the night.

Japanese-flag-wiki-commons
Here is a useful money making tip for when you are currently a "Ragtime Gal". Go to sleep freely on your white bed sheets. In the morning hang it out to dry, then place your sheet on Ebay as a flag of the Rising Sun. Instant $$$!!!

edit And Now This Bloody Mess Comes To An End

Just like a tampon that's been inside a vagina too long, we are now stuck... for ideas that is, on how to provide you with any more useful information in this red letter article. Maybe, if we pull a few strings, we may receive some more information soon. So next time you have your period, think of us, and come back to see if anything new has sponged up on this page.

edit Related Links

Personal tools
projects