From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Theatrical poster designed by Hugh Jass
|Directed by||Martin Scorsese|
|Written by||John Grisham|
|Music by||Frank Sinatra|
|Edited by||Ed Wood|
|Distributed by||Ptomaine Films International|
|Running time||100 hours|
Raging Bull is a 1980 American Comedy film that tells the sad but true story of Jake Tomatto, a grumpy Italian-American guy who had a bad habit of punching everyone he came in contact with. Directed by Martin Scorsese, the film is notable for its countless scenes of screaming, punching, kicking, swearing, eating, and general madness. The film's cast includes Robert DeNiro, Joe Pesci, Oscar Wilde, and pretty much every New Yorker that ever lived.
At the tender age of 27, little Jake Tomatto is diagnosed with "Compulsive Punching Disorder", a pretty self explanatory disease that need not be elaborated on. His midget brother Joey sees the potential in Jake's illness and begins training him to become a professional Boxer, even though Jake would rather be a stand-up comedian as it requires very little skill or Intelligence and is apparently popular with the ladies.
Following a lengthy training montage, Jake becomes "Champion of The Known Universe": his punches are so powerful that his opponents ASPLODE upon impact with his fists. Eventually he succeeds in killing every single boxer on Earth and is left with no one to fight with. To cure his boredom Jake somehow manages to woo Vicki the neighborhood bimbo, despite the fact that his only means of communication is through grunts and growls.
Overtime, Jake begins to lose control of his desire to hit things and winds up beating the crap out of everyone he loves, including his wife, his widdle bwother, his mother, The pope, and even The Virgin Mary. Now all alone, Jake takes his unbridled rage out on a statue of Oscar Wilde and wears his fists down to bloody stubs. Having been freed of his violent impulses, Jake is now able to pursue his career as a comedian. Unfortunately he sucks at it and ends up playing Barney on Broadway.