Radio

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“It's TV for blind people”
~ Oscar Wilde on radio
“In Ameriсa уou listen to man on radio, In SФvieт Яussia мaи Фи radiФ lisтeиs тФ УФU!!”
“You know, I invented the Radio”
~ Gene Simmons on radio
“You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.”
~ Albert Einstein presumably on radio
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Radio.
You may be looking for music radio, and not know that MP3 players are supposed to replace it.

Radio was first branded by Apple as Television shuffle but due a patent infringement later rebranded itself as Radio. It uses bits of electromagnetic radiation or radio waves to transmit stuff over long distances. This meant that Apple's first experiments to develop the radio caused a shitstorm of radiation, causing Steve Jobs to develop ball cancer.

Unlike waves that aren't like radio waves (such as tsunamis), radio waves require no transfer medium, and can even be sent over the vacuum of space. [1] It was originally used to help military ships communicate secret messages to shore bases using Morse code. It was seen as a great advantage because it was no longer necessary for ships’ communicate personnel to use the previous technology of shouting really really loud, which was often difficult with the noisy wurr of the vacuum of space getting in the way. When the military realized Morse code manuals were readily available on the internet, however, the plan was abandoned, but hundreds of other uses for radio have since been developed.

Contents

[edit] Uses

You can use the radio to make money. Radio is also used to spread right-wing propaganda about French maids and agriculture. It is also used to eat fudge, but not to pack fudge.[2]

A radio receiver can be used for self defense by hitting someone with it.

[edit] Users

Mickey Rooney invented radio in the late 1940s as a way to pass the time after Ava Garder came to her senses and stopped having sex with him.

Dick Clark exploited the radio in order to ensure he could be the first face seen on television every New Year's Eve. Ryan Seacrest attempted to kill Dick Clark in the Battle of Hastings, but realized his longbow was no use against Dick Clark's patriot missiles. A radio played an extended mix of the Chemical Brother's "Block Rockin' Beats" during the battle.

The Giant Hogweed is a rideo junkie. It photosynthises its venom.

[edit] The future

XM Radio will allow Martians to receive top hits of the '80's on their Martian Rovers. Use of newly regulated subspace frequencies will allow us to contact the Delta Quadrant.

Sirius radio will allow dogs to understand what they listen to on the radio and take it seriously.

XM and Sirius are planning a merger. If this occurs satellite radio will be audible only to Martian dogs.

HD, or Highly Distorted radio is being implemented by Clear Channel stations around the US to legally jam their competitors. A large majority of audiophiles believe that HD Radio is the ultimate Lo-Fi medium because of its "bone chillingly cold and raspy sound" which further enhances the heavy metal listening experience.

[edit] Ownership

Buying a radio station is easy. All you need to do is cut a check for $770,000,002,043 made payable to the FCC and you're set.

[edit] Radio (continued)

...and we're back!!!

[edit] Conspiracy Theories

Recently however, evidence has surfaced that points in a new direction. It states that radio is actually not as we perceive it but it is in fact an entity far greater than our understanding. Many theologists have said, on record, that radio is in fact God. Of course if this theory is correct, then radio in fact does not exist in any way whatsoever. This poses a great question for many a thoughtful wanker.

Another conspiracy we must consider is the consideration of that famous consideration considered by the famous Roman, Consideratus. He stated, in 65 B.C., that if radio was, as Einstein stated (see quote at top of page)like a cat, then surely it can climb trees and shit and piss on the carpet. He then explains how disappointed he was that his radio did not do this. As a result of this he established that radio was in fact Barbara Streisand, and had not actually ever been to the moon. Having considered all of this, Consideratus decided to throw a knife out his window. This knife fell through the roof of the Senate's house, stabbing Julius Caesar. Surrounding conspirators mis-read this as the signal to attack, stabbing Caesar 43 times, raping every orifice and sacrificing Hugh Laurie. Of course this has been missed out by many historians as it in fact didn't actually happen.


[edit] How to build a radio

[edit] What you need

[edit] Directions

  1. Mix it in the bowl (shaken, not stirred!).
  2. Form it with your very own hands!
  3. Plug it in.
  4. Rinse and repeat.

Note: Rinsing while plugged in may have adverse effects. Repeating while plugged in will not.

[edit] How to build a crystal radio

[edit] What you need

  • A coil
  • A cat's whisker
  • An eye of newt
  • A rock of Crystal Meth™
  • A mock of Rystal Keth nw30-nage WD-50

[edit] Directions

  1. Take the cat, skin it, pluck out the best whisker and discard the skin.
  2. Attach the whisker to the Crystal. If you can't get Crystal, you can substitute Coke™.
  3. Put your ear very close to the radio.
  4. Inhale deeply (through your ear).
  5. May you enjoy your listening experience.

[edit] Trivia

  • The word "borange" was created on the radio by Ross Noble in the year 2005 (on an Australian radio station called Triple J).
  • The worst radio station is Krappraadio, An independent radio/TV channel in Estonia, directed by Kirjutas Hr. Maru.
  • The quote, "Hey, ya'll this is Radio", from Radio was one of Cuba Gooding Jr.'s finest performances.
  • The word "radioactive" describes people who engage in casual and rampant radio encounters
  • A Radio makes a fun bath-toy for children.

[edit] Inventors

  • Nikola Tesla (1895) (amateur)
  • Guligeo Marconi (1895) (amateur)
  • Frank Conrad (1920) (commercial)
  • Rush Limbaugh (1988) (liberal/environmentalist talk)
  • Al Franken (1996) (liberal talk)

[edit] Personalities

[edit] Stations

  • Fox News
  • Howard 24/7
  • WCBS 880 AM
  • WCBS 101.1 FM
  • Jerk FM
  • Jack-Off FM
  • 95.3 The Bitch
  • CJAD 800 AM
  • CKGM The Team 990
  • CJKX KX96 New Country FM
  • BBSN 35.42 Nothing MW
  • KXZ 300 Any-Kinda-Wave LW
  • W-Ballz

[edit] See also

[edit] Footnotes

  1. ↑ although, ironicalistically, its difficult to hear the radio when your're using a vacuum cleaner. Such are the vagueries of science...
  2. ↑ For information on how to pack fudge, see Tom Cruise.

[edit] External links

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Radio"
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