ROBLOX

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“I did not play ROBLOX with those noobs”
“I am declaring a state of emergency!”
~ President Obama on ROBLOX
ROBLOX

Their uncreative logo

ROBLOX is a 3D voxel-based pile of cow dung dreamt up by some trust-fund babies in Silicon Valley, California. The concept came out in 2005 when professional programmer David Baszooka had a wet dream about LEGOS and thought: "Hey, I could make money off of that!" And so he and some of his other WoW buddies got together and gave birth to a monster.


edit The Games

ROBLOX (acronym for (ROBotic BLOcks with an X) is a collection of "free games" created by the userbase. These games are made out of the blocks baring striking resemblence to LEGOS (yet they have NO AFFILIATION with LEGOS at all!) and can actually be programed with a watered-down version of Lua, which requires a skill level of 2,000,000,000 to use. So, being that the majority of the userbase on ROBLOX are 12-year-old boys, 99.9% of the games are a collection of thrown together "free models" (completely ripped-off work from other people with the time and patience to actually build it), which include, but not limit:

  • "Obbies" (Obstacle courses composed of free models)
  • Feeding giant versions of celebrities or cartoon characters blocky food until they get fat. (Which, by the way, never happens).
  • Copies of other games
    Roblox screenshot

    An example of one of the oh-so-fun games on ROBLOX!

  • Empty Maps

The other 00.1% of the games that are worth playing are located within the depths of the website and therefore never have anybody online so they are still not worth playing. The creations by these competent users is eventually ripped off in the free models, sadly.

edit The Community

Probably the most cancerous feature on ROBLOX is the community.

edit Rules

In an attempt to protect today's youth from the filth that's pumped into their brains, The ROBLOX corperation employs a series of rules to keep the chat room, forum, and other stuff virtually nice and clean. These rules ban swears, innuendo, promoting better games, Online dating, fun, creativity, and opinion.
Banned

...RLY?

Violation of these rules runs with the risk of losing all those precious virtual hats and shirts you bought and privileges to play the game again. And, utilizing the most state-of-the-art in snitch technology, any player who sees anything against Da Rules may report it and score brownie points with the administrators and "lol" their heads off at the player's reaction when you tell them they've just been reported.

edit Chat

In every game anybody who says they are 13 or older can use the in-game chat room to have flame wars with whomever they see fit. A typical chat room conversation mainly consists of whining, report threats, Leet, censored swears and absolutley no grammar. Players who actually tell the truth and are under 13 are restricted to only saying around 20 preset words and phrases that can be put together into around 5 complete sentences. Players who are forced to use this "supersafe" chat system are often ridiculed for their lack of English.

Bouncywikilogo3
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about ROBLOX.

edit The Economy

ROBLOX has their own virtual economy composed of "Tix" and "ROBUX" and it is more broken than that of the United States. Everybody wins 10 tickets a day plus 1 for every visit to the user's game(s). ROBUX are earned every day by Builder's Club recipients and can be traded in for tickets at a proportion that is completely random. Both can be used to purchase the following things:

  • Hats
  • Shirts and pants
  • T-shirts -decals that get copy-and-pasted onto your avatar.
  • Gear -these include weapons and show-off items like cans of soda and sandwiches.
  • Bribes
  • Friends

edit Their Untameable Greed

After about 2 weeks, the greedy screw-ups at ROBLOX decided that they need more money and so they start sucking it out of people in exchange for exciting things like MOAR ROBUX, the Ultra-Exclusive Builder's Club, and fan items like hats and shirts.

edit Builder's Club

Looking for an effective medium to make money off of, they pull a Microsoft and start charging these poor children money for a membership that gains access to bonus content and other "goodies". This membership gives you the oppourtunity to get free virtual shirts/pants/etc., free ROBUX, the ability to make more games, immunity to getting banned, et cetera, and et cetera. In recent years, Sr. Bazooka-in an attempt to lock in the most cash-made it so EVERYTHING on the website requires you to be Builder's Club! And look at the prices! (Which range from $100 to $5,000,000) And people wonder why kids go to robbing people for cash rather than work for it.

ROBLOXunamerican

ROBLOX is unamerican, as the creators support The King

edit The Ambassador Program

In the year 20010, the administrators came with an idea to spread the word about ROBLOX and make more money by having the players post links on other websites that directly Hey I just pwnd a bunch of noobs in ROBLOX go to ROBLOX in exchange for extra daily tickets. These links are very irritating and cause much I made a bunch of noob killer robots in ROBLOX uproar for people who HATE HYPERLINKS! This program eventually became an epic fail but never got shut down......Hey me and my friends built a sweet hang-out on ROBLOX!

edit Side Effects of Prolonged Use

Like it's blocky brother, this game is surprisingly addictive, with many negative side effects. After months or even just weeks of extreme dedication to this game, players will start to experience IQ drops, start communicating in a series of acronyms and abbreviations, gain short tempers, and start having vivid dreams about LEGOS "bricks". Their social skills are leveled down and will have difficulty finding friends because there is no real-life "send friend request" button. Players of this nature may also develop violent attitudes as they are so used to being able to kill players in the the game they don't like, and may resort to just as extreme action in the real world.

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