Queen Mary I of England

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Queen Mary I was a bad as women she killed people then took a bath in there blood the most evil deranged monarch queen to take the English throne. The supposed reason for this title is that she executed thousands of people. However, the title mentioned above, is probably irrelevant, seeing as there was only one other female monarch to ever take the English throne; her sister, Elizabeth.

[edit] Early Life

The whole disaster that was Queen Mary I started when Princess Catherine of Aragon's "precious" sick betrothed Prince Arthur died, and left a "healthier" "more manly" kid brother, Henry, behind to marry. Catherine, having always had the hots for this kid, immediately leapt upon the opportunity, allowing Henry to give her syphilis, and her to give it congenitally to her future daughter Mary I herself. Apparently, syphilis was spreading like a bull on beer in those days.

Princess Mary in her eternally irritable state

Due to her congenital syphilis, and other health problems of the day, little Mary could never stay healthy, which, making her eternally irritable, possessed her to take for granted all the gifts, riches, and territories that King Henry VIII bestowed upon her. Some historians say Henry was still a "good guy", at this stage, but this matter is up for debate.

[edit] Anne Boleyn causes insanity

Mary 1st was the only child to survive infancy of the children from Catherine of Aragon and Henry VIII. Since Catherine married Henry when he was still a child , she ended up much older than him upon adulthood. Upon his boredom with his older wife, he sought an annullment from the marriaage. At the time he became besotted with a one of Catherine ladies in waiting: Anne Boleyn.

[edit] Henry Rejects Anne

Although Mary's existence cooled him for a while, King Henry VIII was still an evil posterity craving misogynist at heart, and his love for evil Anne, drew that quality back out. Desperate to satisfy Henry's desperate desire for a surviving legitimate male heir, (he had already had plenty of sons, but none of them fit the above criteria), Anne frequently binged on carrots, thinking that they would raise her chances of bearing a male. Alas, all this carrot binging caused her to give birth to a disgusting female monster made out of carrot vomit. The monster was named Elizapuke after Henry's mother Elizabeth, and Elizabeth's puke like appearance.

Although Henry frequently doted on his little vomit monster, he was still not satisfied with Anne, because the heir was not male, and Henry wanted a male heir. More desperate than ever, Anne tried several times to carry out a successful pregnancy. Unfortunately, Henry's intense "manliness" had exhausted her childbearing abilities, and all the pregnancies ended in miscarriages. This finally got Henry angry with Anne, which broke her hypnotic bind on him. Suddenly realizing the huge mistake he had made by marrying her, Henry ordered Anne's execution, and freed Mary from slavery, with the small compensation of having to baby-sit the vomit monster Elizapuke, who Mary is said to have considered cute before she became a threat to Mary's upcoming Queen Hood.

[edit] Queen Hood

After rejecting Anne, Henry was careful to marry an Earthbound Angel rather than an Evil Seduction Witch, named Jane Seymour. Although Jane succeeded in bearing Henry a son, the son, named Edward, contracted congenital syphilis himself, and died on the throne at age sixteen. (Henry died of chronic obesity eight years after Edward was born due to anxiety over lacking a legitimate male heir, and it was too late to save him once Edward was born.)

Queen Mary I, as seen on the throne. As you can see, she is still in her eternal state of irritability, with an extra touch of ugliness. No one is quite sure why Prince Philip agreed to marry this Hag...

Now that Edward was out of the way, Mary was finally able to take the throne, and kill every protestant in sight. She would have killed her protestant sister Elizapuke too if it were not for the fact that such a deed would stir up a huge rebellion. Instead, she imprisoned Elizapuke, until the event of Mary's death, which was imminent.

[edit] Death

Mary died at age 42 at St. James's Palace on 17 November 1558. Although Marry’s will(a letter that says her wishes when she dies) wantd to be buried next to her mother, Marry was interred in Westminster Abbey on 14 December 1558 in a tomb she eventually shared with Elizabeth.