Pyramids

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Kitten pile

Poorly trained puppys attempt a kpuppy pyramid.

“I'm not saying it was aliens . . .”
~ The History Channel on Pyramids

Also known as the Seventh Great Thingamabobber of the World, Pyramids are large structures primarily notable for confusing the piss out of everyone. It is entirely unknown as what their creation, purpose, function, composition, history, total mass, and estimated value at Sotheby's are, although many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many persons have speculated on the topic, all of which boil down to essentially a dozen basic theories.

The Mystery of the Pyramids

The pyramids have remained an enigma since the fall of Ancient Egypt, though recent evidence suggests that even the Ancient Egyptians were bamboozled by them. Hieroglyphics have been found inscribed in the Pyramid of Khufu that Professor Jan Assmann has translated as "Wait, you guys, what the fuck did we build this for again?" [1] In his 1880 best-seller, "Large Things We Don't Know What They Are," Prof. Assmann said of the buildings "They're just, like, there, man. Smack dab in the middle of the desert, as if an enormous child with ADHD had dropped it in the middle of his sandbox to go chase after squirrels, forgetting it entirely. I therefore theorize that the pyramids were made by an enormous child with ADHD, who had dropped it in the middle of his sandbox to go chase after squirrels, forgetting it entirely." Professor Assmann went on to win the Nobel Prize for his work.

  1. Dr. Heinrich Brugsch, on the other hand, translates it as "Pharaoh Khufu has sand in his arse."

Conclusion

It may never be known why the pyramids were built.

“But it was totally aliens.”
~ The History Channel on Pyramids

See also

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