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Cows typing

Just a few year's ago, scuzzbag's had to resort to typed letter's and the mail's to try to prank newspaper's and magazine's. Today's sockpuppet's can freely vandalize multiple online site's in a matter of hour's. Armed with the shift and CTRL keys, leet and freeform stupid is within the reach of the tiniest of mind's. That is, provided that Mommy is either not home or ha's been drinking heavily.

~ My third grade teacher on my punctuation
“Maan u hav 2 cum 2 tha pardy”
~ Someone who's getting there..... Slowly
~ A bearlike pascifist

The. primary. purpose. of. punctuation,. i's. to. beget. snotty. article's. by. people. who. think. they. know. how. to. use. it. better. than. you... The. Official. Template. for. Snotty. Grammar. Article's. established. in. 1907. by. the. I.O.O.P.W.N.B.T.D. lay's. out. this. program. as. follow's...

  • Must include either the phrase Although most people believe or Contrary to popular opinion
  • Making fun of hand-lettered sign's in rural area's is mandatory
  • At least one point must be of dubiou's validity
  • At least one point must addres's a situation which never occur's outside of the writing's of William Faulkner or Jame's Joyce
  • Author must assume one of three officially prescribed persona's:
    • Genteel WASP Lady (Gentle reader...)
    • Patronizing Guidance Counselor (If you want to succeed Johnny your going to stop have to stop splitting infinitive's)
    • Asshole with a baseball bat (If I hear 'aint' one more time Im going to beat you're teeth out with this tire iron so you cannot make a 'T' sound any more)
  • An Question & Answer section can be added for extra credit (double point's for using made up letter's from reader's)
“Grammar correction is the hobgoblin of little mind's”

Punctuation i's also favored as a mean's for discrediting the idea's of people you disagree with.

edit Origin

The origin of punctuation is lost in the mists of time We know the Romans had neither punctuation norspacesbetweentheyrewords and punctuation is not used in China to this day The first known example of punctuation is found in Hamlet which contains most of the simple forms of punctuation An earlier example in an Etruscan love letter is disputed, as it might just be a little heart over the i

Most scientists believe that punctuation arose through gradual evolution It is speculated that the original punctuation mark was a period formed by a mosquito swatted by an ancient scribe The comma would then naturally arise from a swat which smeared the mosquito a colon from two mosquitos and so on Others however dispute this claim and assert that punctuations suitability for use is clear evidence of intelligent design likely carried out by either Oscar Wilde or the Flying Spaghetti Monster

edit The Late Years

In 1997 the Master of the Internet decreed that punctuation would be no longer be managed by a single source Instead punctuation would be turned over to the free market and distributed by many independent providers until such time as one was able to beat it's competition and re-establish a monopoly In the mean time peoples lives would be enriched by the joy of competition between the Cathedral and the Bazaar Plus popcorn sales would rise

Unfortunately nobody had predicted the mutant evolution of punctuation possible on the Internet (except perhaps for Scott Fahlman who invented the smiley face in 1982) Soon new forms of punctuation arose and worse yet the natural barriers between punctuation and word broke up so high it went through the ozone leading to abominations such as ou ou ou o ou ou ou ou ou [retardville]

Standard forms like the humble period began to lag badly in sales To this day nobody knows the ultimate fate of em dashes and both semicolons and curlybraces have largely abandoned the profession in favor of becoming tokens in code

edit Future Plan's

After thi's punctuation is going to Di'sneyworld

edit Speaking of Puncuation...

Heres all you're bloody punctuation











(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

edit Mis!use of) (Punc?tuati.on

I?"'" d'ont k.now h,o,ow 2 use punc tu at...ion any.more?() It-s un(usable) as. far. .as .I can "t"ell: Fo:r i p"ut pu"nctu::ation in th,e mid.dle o,,,,f a wo;;rd be-cause i sim.ply am stu"'"pi";d?/////?

Other misuses

  • (Y)boob's
  • <;)} emoticon's with hats and goatee's
  • ASCII Art
  • The girl sold me a sea shell down by the beach.

edit see also

punctuation should not be confused with its 1970s counterpart punktuation here are some examples of punktuation


question mark

exclamation point




quotation marks


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