Trance

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“Its not working!”
~ Marcel Poot on fire
“Trance? Let me listen! Hmmmm... interesting, but it lacks in-...uuhhhhh...can't...think...woowwww...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Armin Van Buuren

Trance is a subgenre of techno and one of the two thousand three hundred and eighty seven names for the one identical type of repetitive dance music clubbers have been lurching around to since about 1990. Important variants, which all sound exactly the same, are Cybertrance, Technotrance, Trancebilly, Trance-hop, Rhythm'n'Trance, Dub-Trance, Trancedustrial, Drum'n'Trance, Deathtrance (a.k.a. Totentranz), Cosmic Trance, Bollytrance, Eurotrance, Bellytrance, alt.trance, Trancepirational, Song-and-Trance, Chirpy-chirpy-cheep-trance, Tap-trance, Psychotrance, Ants-in-your-Trance etc etc etc.

The roots of Trance go back to a group of confused techno clubs in Dubrovnik and Bratislava, Europe, in the latter part of 2003 when legendary DJs Doctor Socks and Max Mupett got their collections swopped round, unexpectedly producing no difference at all. The new genre spread rapidly with its stylistic hallmarks of a steady four-beat bar, pulsating juddery synthesizer stuff and occasional wooshy breaks or a woman wailing over the top with inaudible words. The style borrowed little from 1980's Cantonese pop music or from Aboriginal didgeridoo melodies, but is a stir-fry of everything else.

For the best in Trance & progressive music: [1] The Posford clan's population paste created the real trance we know and love today. (Actually this is not really true, Psy Trance is not Trance at all, but that's a whole other section)

The music itself keeps on evolving since early 90's throughout the globe from Israel and India to Europe and America uniting cultures and bringing people more close to each other.

Trance music consists mainly of frequencies of sound which render the listener incapable of rational thought and causes their muscles to jerk randomly and spasmodically. This is known in "the scene" as "dancing".

The typical trance listener usually has a stash of glowsticks or some other kind of homosexual waving device.

There is a remarkable phenomenon in the gender breakdown of "the scene": it is roughly 50/50 male/female, unique among electronica subcultures. Many on the scene style themselves as pixies or faeries. Many others on the scene think this is load of old toss.

In very many cases the music is made by groups of upper class school boys who like to tweak each others knobs.

It is generally accepted that no trance song shall exist without the sound "doof" being included several hundred times.

Trance music has been used as a torturemethod in some Third World countries. The music gives the victim an extreme headache, eventually causing his/her head asplode.

PureCheese

Psycheese

In case you’ve been reading all this, please do not download illegal trance music and play it at full volume. Illegal downloaders will result in the increment of their head diametres.

If you do decide to download illegal trance music please be leet about it and DO NOT use limewire as it is coded in java and normally the quality is really bad.

Do not download trance music off any P2P networks, nor Torrentflux/ninjacentral as it violates international copyright laws. - Actually, its not. Its illegal to SHARE, but not to download. Download away, children. Bear in mind though a polar bear is poked with a long ferret everytime you do.

Dutch trance producers invented the over 3 minutes long breakdowns, where they repetatedly use the "wzzss" sound. Also there's snares often used as creating the "prrrrr".

Later Sasha & John Digweed, about at age 30-40 realised they're adults, and stopped playing the existing trance genres (declared it uncool), and started playing progressive house, a style which consists of various male orgasms played at roughly 140 bpm, and called it forward thinking & groundbreaking. For some strange reason Sasha likes to take credit for the 'new' DJ technology that has been around for years now, he gets to program his sets beforehand which leaves more time for the things he really enjoys. They call their style non-commercial and underground because only about the 70% of the music scene listens to it. There are many speculations about they just stopped playing it, because their physical condition do not let them anymore, to keep their hands in the air for 3 56465198711327884 straight minutes of the breakdown. Also noticeable progressive house is actually trance, but they're too snobbish by their minority complex fried lobster with cucumber to use that name for it anymore. They also hate DJ Tiesto because of his connection with Cthulhu.

Arguably Sasha and Digweed are also responsible for progressive house disappearing up its own ass. Playing exclusive tracks for up to 12 months before they are ever fully released to a wanting public. Holding back and delaying the full release is their popular way of building their reputation as innovators until such time the fans simply give up waiting and move on.

After the death of thoose trance styles, Marco V. kept experimenting with sounds & presenting himself as a baldhead nobleman from Chinese Nation of Word Domination and Roasted Eggplants. The most noticeable from his career, he added pprrr-brrr-grrrm-vrr-wRR in his songs, calling himself a GOD. He also discovered if he mixes techno with trance it should be called techtrance, since Polka was already in use by DJ Tiesto.

Ultimately however, Ferry Corsten, unlike previously mentioned examples such as DJ Tiesto, Marco V and Sasha, IS a GOD to those of similarly severely reduced mental capacity who are unable to grasp the fact that he's simply playing other people's music. He's a wanker AND is from Rotterdam - need we say more? No Respekt!

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