Prussia

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PREUSSEN The Greater Prussian Reich Prussia
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "You can find our Blue everywhere!"
Anthem: "Preußen Über Alles!"
Capital	Berlin
Largest city	Paris, "sooner or later"
Official language(s)	Better German,Deutsch
Government	Lagermeister System
‑ Konig	Frederick the Indestructable
‑ Proto-Fuhrer	Hermann Hitler
National Hero(es)	Beer, Fritz and Weapons.
Declaration  of Independence	Declared Independant after the Invention of Beer. Temporarily disbanded after WWII
Currency	The Prussian Uber-Mark
Religion	Muscular-Lutheran
Major exports	Weapons, War, and fights
Major imports	Weak German cannon fodder, and More Beer

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Prussia.

“Gottverdammt, wir sind KEINE RUSSEN!!”

~ Famous Prussian Battlecry

“Saupreißn, elendige!”

~ every Bavarian ever

Prussia, (never to be confused with Russia unless you want a jackboot in the face), was a pissed off and usually very angry, Teutonic state in Northern Europe that no longer exists except as a state of mind. Forged from a mixture of Protestant work-ethic and militarism, Prussians were so tough they were widely-believed to have been hatched from cannon balls by the terrified, fleeing peoples whose lands bordered theirs. They were known and the few still alive are known as the Strongest of the Germans. When dealing with them, just remember: don't piss off the Prussians, something that is extremely easy to do.

A Prussian with an Austrian

edit History

The Typical Modern Prussian hat, they still maintain the spike for stabbing non-Prussians.

Commonly known as badass, Prussians are hatched from the aforementioned cannon ball(This country later became known as Germany). While Prussians enjoy their sport, particularly hunting, they have a way of getting carried away. Prior to the evolution of the rest of the human race the Prussians hunted dinosaurs to extinction because it was "fun." Prussians have also enjoyed being the instrument of the gods of wrath here on earth in the early years. They destroyed the Garden of Eden when one of its inhabitants got uppity and forgot her place and razed Sodom and Gomorrah when they told God to sit on it.

After their stint as agents of the gods of earthly punishments, they went back to Prussia where, disguised as ignorant barbarians, fended off (and slaughtered) the Romans for years and years, until it got boring. They then went down and sacked Rome, establishing a tradition of bringing a world of hurt to the enemy, even if they did only spill their mead on your wife's dress. The Romans didn't take to this, and began to fight back. The Prussians then grew bored of it and bet with the other drunken Germans that they couldn't invade Rome. This freed their lands of other Germans and thus fell the Romans.

Following the Middle Ages and various codpiece implants, the Prussians were called upon to deal with a feisty little Italian named Napoleon. But being the nice guys that they were and since they always liked to humiliate the French wherever possible, they let the British "beat" the French at the battle of Water-World. The Prussians made a good show of it and to prove that they were the manliest of men, the Prussian commander Blücher wrestled his own horse, 4 crocodiles, 18 elephants and 3 Walker-Class Mechas bare-handed all at once. After winning he asked for a tall glass of blood schnapps and a shot of whiskey, resurrected his horse, and went on to beat the French at a rumble your sausage competition, the 27th Consecutive competition between the Prussians and French that day. It also know as the Franco-Prussian War, which ultimately led to the annexation of Bavaria, a fact the inhabitants of the latter haven't forgotten to this day and thus despise everything that comes from north of the river Main. They also decided to spread rumors about how Austrians don't know shit; causing Baron Von Trap to declare war, which gave Prussia the much wanted opportunity to kick Austria's ass for seven weeks and give him the most humiliating (and incredibly painful) wedgie the wimpy pianist had ever received.

Typical Prussian battle strategy included throwing your outlandish hat at the enemy after shooting at them with your codpiece.

The Prussians proved many times that the rest of Germany can't fight and win wars so they decided to unite Germany. As it so happens Prussians also tend to be more intelligent than other Germans] and therefore they were the first of the German states to realize that either the bloody French, Russia or Austria, if they stopped watching The Terminator, would invade them.After 1871, the Prussians decided the rest of Germany needed to get its act together and united the rest of the country through various cybernetic implants and the promise of a buy one get one free war of your choosing in a foreign land. To fulfill these promised the Prussians were forced to start the First World War, as a Prussian always honors a promise. After handing out various door prizes and going on many sight seeing trips, the Prussians settled down for a while...UNTIL 1939. Then they got all excited, invaded all of Europe, parts of Asia and Africa and shook their fists angrily at the moon. That was when the Prussians ran up and began poking the Western Allies and Russia with a toothpick because they wanted more challenge. This proved to be their undoing, as has been shown time and time again, the wimpy Russkies are mad as shit and promptly cried until the Prussians stopped then got all vodkaed up (or something like that) and kicked them while they were down. What douchebags.

edit Government

Kaiser Wilhelm seen here relaxing in his King of Prussia outfit. His engorged member and assless chaps are not shown, for obvious reasons.

Prussia was a monarchy built upon the absolute rule of the Supreme High General King of Prussia and The World. This title itself was pretty grandiose, and they meant every single word of it! The King was advised by a cabinet, but he rarely bothered listening to them and tended to use them as kickballs and to make general sport of.

Following the union of the German Empire in 1871, the King of Prussia became Emperor of Germany. This gave all subsequent Kings of Prussia a raging hardon from the newfound power, which they found hard to disguise in official photographs.

When the German Monarchy was overthrown in the revolutions of 1918 Prussia became part of a Republican Germany. The Prussians considered this their lowest ebb. Then the Nazis came along and restored all that Prussia thought was good and true - marching, imperialism and making the French shit themselves.

Following the defeat in World War II, Prussia was discontinued as an official part of Germany. Europe and the world then, for the first time, breathed a sigh of relief.

Just you wait, though...

edit Russian annex

Sometime during World War 2, Prussia was annexed by Russia in a very clever scheme. Whatever free men the Red Army could gather that weren't busy (the dead) were forced to go throughout the country and remove the "P" on every "Welcome to" sign in the country. This plan was met with no resistance as the inhabitants were bitten, had their brains eaten and conscripted into the Red Army of the Dead (RAD for short). This plan was in hope of convincing every world leader that the land was in "Russia" and not in fact "Prussia". It went off without a hitch since politicians at the time didn't really give a shit.

Russia, later feeling that they didn't want anyone poking around their newly acquired bit of land, decided to throw up a big ass Wall (Berlin Wall) to keep all them pesky Welfare people out. Sometimes this place was called East Germany, but mostly just New Russia.

However....recently Prussia decided to regain its land, mainly because it was getting sick of the taste of Vodka. No true Prussian drinks vodka. So they took over a patch of land in Florida known as Disney World. TRUFAX. West can tell you, bro, he was there. -The Awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt

edit Trivia

A Prussian bus conductor.

• Prussian Blue comes not from the color that Prussians make their enemies, but from the true color of Prussian Blood, which is often visible in their eyes as well.
• Any Prussian's favorite pastime is invading Austria's vital regions.
• Their archenemy isn't France, El Salvador, Nepal or France, as one might think, but Bavaria. And also non-alcoholic beer.
• The lowest Prussian is vastly superior to the highest Bavarian.
• When a Prussian goes to Bavaria he raises the IQ of both countries.
• The Bavarian Creme donut was outlawed in Prussia (for obvious reasons) and renamed the "Berliner", just to fuck with U.S. President John F. Kennedy

edit See also

• Germany
• Pickelhaube
• War
• King Jeremy the Wicked

edit Do NOT see

• Bavaria

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