Protestantism

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Fed up of being cool, people of lamer Europe rebelled, creating their own religion: Protestantism, where they were free to declare "I think we shall follow the retards of Britian, and all become protestants!" Protestantism mostly came about though because the Catholics were just too cool for early separatists. Protestants have a hate for Catholics, and the feeling is mutual. They also hate Celtic Football Club, built on foundations of Priests having fun with little boys.

Martin Luther's Great Invention

Martin Luther was a dangerous retard, who was also a homosexual. This may be a historical error, given that people had at the time discovered potatoes, and had many euphamisms for them. Legend has it that Martin Luther was struggling to keep messages stuck to walls, when one day he invented the post-it note - 'nailing' his complaints to the door of a public lavatory.

The response was amazing. An entire group realized the stupidity of protestantism and swiftly burnt Luther at the stake, but he broke free and transformed into Rambo and killed 'em all. He then led the people who were stupid enough to believe in this new, idiotic religion happily on their stupid, idiotic way in their happy, idiotic world

Beliefs

Protestants are much cooler than Catholics because:

  • They rub ice-cream on their brown eyes.

The major weakness of protestants is that:

  • They get eat horse manure
  • They are addicted to LSD
  • They tend to be blown up by catholics
  • They simply do not take religion seriously

In the great Catholic-Protestant war of 2135, Protestants came out as losers, because they were led by the new King Billy who preferred shagging horses to fighting.

The second coming of Jesus in 2369 proved the Protestants wrong. When Christ took a ray gun and blasted all lying Protestants, especially Calvinists (because God hated them), the world instantly lulz'd at all for their Nazi ways. The 3rd coming of Jesus is yet to be elected by the governator, as he is never quite finished editing the Bible and the Constitution to fit The Chuck Norris Law.

Lutheranism

The first great protestant group was the Lutheranists, also known as the "Nailers, Bangers, or Pounders" in tribute to their method of nailing protest letters to the doors of buildings. "They were always just banging away at the closest thing they could find to a door. I was constantly losing sleep over their constant pounding and nailing." said one villager. Eventually the Lutherans were nailing so much that they ran into a shortage of nails. Downplaying the significance of this basic form of protestantism, a new leader named John Calvin focused on deeper protestant issues.

History of the 47th Protestant Reformation

Catholics began selling indulgences yet again which led to the War of 2547 where the 47th protestant reformation took place. Martin Luther DXXVII posted the 4,000 thesis against the Catholic Church and gained an alliance with Calvin the XXXVII .Priests were everywhere, just molesting small protestant children. This effected many children every where, eventually the children began becoming deranged from all the molesting and endless hours of catholic mass that it was like a population of Jefferey Dahmers. Cannibals and necrophiliacs began over running protestant cities and all the selling of indulgences bankrupt the protestant armies. At the battle of St.Germain the Protestant General Calvin XXXVII finally surrendered to Pope John Mole Lester. This marked the end of the War of 2547 and the 47th Protestant reformation.

Modern Protestantism

Modern protestant still proudly follows the royal family, and God!The concept of homosexuality remains a controversial issue, which the Archbishop of Canterbury duly noted "was drawing people away Catholicism", as they all seemed to be doing it now-a-days, bunch a queers. We need to make good use of crucifixes, and nail the queers to them, with all our remaining nails!

Modern Protestantism has also been keen to make ammends with Catholicism, since they have accepted defeat, in Ireland by beating up Scientologists instead.

Types of Protestantism

Tools of Protestantism

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