Prog Rock

[edit] Part II: We Are the Children of Eternal Light / The Author Still Doesn't Have Any Imagination to Come Up With Something Funny, Including 'The Cleaning of the Underwear Drawer', and 'Cthulhu's Lament (in $ flat Sergeant-Major, with change)' (The Development section) in 11/8, 9/8, 5/4, π/7, 9/16, 16mm and acid

Guitar solo (about ten minutes)
Synth solo (about ten minutes)

Well, At Least the Keyboardist Must Wear a Cape.

Bass solo (about two seconds/five notes/not at all)
Drum solo (two minutes, nineteen seconds, by law)
Other guitar solo (about fifteen more minutes)
Random jamming with incoherent lyrics about quantum panties, and audible snoring of the Sound Engineer in the background (about twenty minutes) [[1]]

[edit] Part III: The Definition (Reprise in Five)

Progr     essiv     eRock     WhatI     tIs?I

tCan'     tReal     lyBeD     efine     dWhic

hLead     stoLo     ngBat     tlesB     oring

AsHel     lBatt     lesBe     tween     Nerds

"What     IsPro     gAndW     hatIs     Not"

[edit] Coda: T-T-T-T-T-That's All Folks! (featuring vocalist: Porky Pig)

Expressionistic soundscapes (or: the Sound Engineer yawns, farts, scratches his stomach, walks into the playing room, missteps on the dwarfed flautist of the band because of thick smoke covering the room and falls on the drum set cursing like a seaman)

"Well At Least It's Fucking Boring And Corny!" - Mr. Obvious (1974)

(fanfares and fade out)

(unfortunately (or not, depending on your preference,) the recorder ran out of tape 17 minutes before the band stopped playing)

[edit] Tabulature

Band: Uncyclopediarium
Song:  The Progressive Rock Article Suite Intro

.  - palm mute            /  - slide up to
\  - slide down to        ~  - vibrato
h  - hammer on            b  - Bend
p  - pull off                Suffixes for bend
t  - tap                     f  - full bend     h - half bend  
ph - pinched harmonic        q  - quarter bend  t - tap bend   
*  - see comment             ^  - Hold bend     r - release bend
x  - Succatto                ~  - vibrato bend  e - bend with string breaking
S  - Stutter                 g  - get bent
,  - slight palm mute      () - ghost note, sustained note
(X_X) Ghost face Killa note
"  - tremolo note          <> - Trill
%  - pose                  &  - pluck with an eyebrow 
U  - unintentional action  Y  - really unintentional action
@  - bang the guitar against the monitor
a  - have and acid attack
q  - do something really fucking stupid.
!  - run in circles, waving the guitar in the air 
     while uncontrollably picking the strings
u  - untie vocalist's hair from strings
T  - try to tune the string, unsuccessfully
s  - soil yourself on cue and call it avant-garde
F  - set fire to drummer
T- Tab your song while performing it ( this requires a thrid arm)

WARNING: Do not try playing the guitar by banging the strings with your nuts!

       (silence actually because the guitarist is missing)
e ||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
B#||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
Hb||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
Db||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
A#||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
Bb||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|

                                           sound eng: snoring 
e ||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
B#||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
Hb||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
Db||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
A#||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
Bb||-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|

        drums: rabadabadam bamdam
e ||-------------------|---------U0--------|-0-----------0-----|-0------------0----|
B#||-------------------|-------------------|---6-----6----6----|---6bf^^^^^r-------|
Hb||-------------------|-------------------|-----0-----0----0--|-----565-65--------|
Db||-------------------|-------------------|-------7----------7|--------4----------|
A#||-------------------|-------------------|-8-----------8-----|-8-----------Y9----|
Bb||-------------------|-------------------|------------U0-----|-------------------|

                          drums: dumdurum dumdum           vocal: D A Ab Wb Щ#
e ||-6\0/7-------------|-5\4---------------|-0-----------%-----|----2--3\2---3-5---|
B#||-------3\0/4\pi----|---4/5-------------|-2U,-3h22Y,--%-----|-----3--4\3-2------|
Hb||-------------------|-----3\i-----------|-0U,----3Y,--%-----|------2----3--4----|
Db||-------------------|--------&5\&4------|-2U.---------%-----|--0-------4---5---T|
A#||-------------------|-------------&3h2--|-0U.---------%-----|---1---------------|
Bb||-------------------|-------------------|-0U,---------%-----|-------------------|

                sixth string: Zb J# µb @!^#* ouch, it hurts [goes to her mom]
e ||-1\2---4--4--------|-3---5-3-3\2-------|-16h14---10\2------|-24h23-----23h20---|
B#||---2--3-2----------|--4-4-34----3\4----|----15h10---3h4----|-----16h12---------|
Hb||---3\2--3----------|---2--4-------24h23|--------------14h5-|---------7h5--8h6--|
Cb||------4----2-------|----4-5------------|-------------------|-------------------|
A#||---------5--2------|-------------------|-------------------|-------------------|
Bb||-----------2-2be   |                   |                   |                   |

        drums: undistinguishable from line noise    audience: [wakes up]
e ||-24-----------!--!-|-!20--------@6--@-@|@Googol@--@--0-----|--Y8--7h3----------|
B#||--23h20---23---!-!-|---!---------@3-@--|-@                 |                   |
Hb||--22---22h20----!--|---!-!!!u----@4@-@4|--@8--@-@          |                  F|
Cb||---------------!---|-!--!---u---@-2@@2-|--@5-@-@-@---0-----|--Y9h5---7b~e      |
A#||---------------!-!-|-!--!---u-----@69--|----@20@-----------|-------------------|
Bb||                   |                   |                   |                   |

[edit] Bankruptcy

One common side effect of Progressive Rock is bankruptcy. This can be caused by the following:

• Hiding behind 1 million dollars worth of effects boxes on a stool while high paid session musicians jam right next to you.
• Touring with a 50/9 - piece orchestra
• Utilizing 37 session musicians
• Why does your keyboard player have 27 keyboards and an electronic percussion set-up? Why does your guitar player have 15 guitars up on stage? Why does your singer need to play the Mandolin? Can't he just sing? And why is your drummer using a set that would make Neil Peart hold a garage sale?
• Roger Waters
• Holding a concert on a floating stage in Venice.

Most of this can be alleviated by contracting a different virus such as Punk or Indie.

[edit] See Also

• Prog Archives
• HowTo:Write a Progressive Rock Song
• HowTo:Be Awesome
• Kate Bush
• Eddie Van Halen
• Britney Spears
• In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida
• Two Humps
• The 4 Scientists
• Never Been Laid Syndrome
• How to Write Music for Dungeons and Dragons

   

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