Prog Archives

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“WTF? A whole site for the WHOLE thing?? Damn!”

~ Pop music on Prog Rock

“the whole point of this website is to receive comments from noobs and conquer the minds of stupid people”

~ User number #34567 on Himself

“ There is no thing such as The Oscar Wilde Blood-Sucking Metal Band, no, wait...there is!It just slip my mind for a second”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Oscar Wilde Blood-Sucking Metal Band

“In Soviet Russia Prog Rock plays You!”

~ Russian reversal on You

Prog Archives is a page dedicated to mind blowing, awesome, Roger Waters, Prog Rock. As we know, prog rock is a style that includes weird tempo changes, dark chords, mellotrons, voices in the background, as well as walls, furry animals, may queens, octavariums, hot rats and 21st Century schizoid men.

This site shows the main characteristics of Prog Rock, links to different bands, albums, ratings and other stuff like forums discusing topics such as "Why Chubby Checker left the Beatles in 1972" or "Are frogs considered primates?" It includes variated styles of blowing people's heads out to the sky.

Contents

[edit] Styles

  • Synthphonic prog
  • Polyphonic prog
  • Crossfire prog (old fart rock)
  • Eclesiastic prog
  • Heavy prog (not to be confused with Healthy frog)
  • Not-really-prog (not to be confused with "Not related to a frog")
  • Proggish (not to be confused with Irish frogs)
  • James Blunt prog
  • Epileptic Prog
  • Progressive Mental
  • Alien Prog
  • Proto-Prog(not to be confused with protozoo frog)
  • Psychotic-Spice rock.

[edit] Synthphonic Prog

This style is the ultimate prog. It consists of prog bands/artists that played rock in a way that was pretty symphonic, that is to say that they took violins and cellos and turned them into guitars and drums via magic. It also includes keyboards, mainly the synth. A lot of bands were synthessious and symphonic at the same time, so they were called "synthphoinc". It is said that if you plug a guitar to a radio and then put it in a microwave, you can hear the words "I'll be the Roundabout", pronounced by Al Gore. Other artists claim that you can also levitate. Bands included here can either be very symphoniousious and synthcrosious at the same time (eg. Camel and The Marlon Brando Band of Merry Men), only symphonic or some people who used syths a lot such as varius DJs and people working in different factories and Brian Eno. This is the mind sucking music 70's bands used to do, such as:

[edit] Key albums

  • In Da Kart Ou Du Toillete (King Crimson/1969) rating: 6.3142547137459237593475/5
  • Thick as a prick (Jethro tull/1972) rating: 5.89/5 stars
  • Selling England by the pound (Genesis/1973) rating: 4.98/5
  • I've selled my new land for a pound (Genegig/1974) rating: 4.09/5
  • Close to The Edge (Yes/1971) rating: 4.06/5
  • My Fairy God-uncle (Brother Collin/1967) raiting:4.891/5
  • Setro Toll III (Setro Toll/1970) raiting: 4.57/5
  • Kethro Tell Live I (Kethro Tell/1972) raiting: 4.99001/5
  • Marlon Brando is the man (Marlon Brando's Band of Merry Men (without Marlon Brando)/1989) raiting: 3.98/5
  • This is a bitch (People working in different factories/1981) raiting: 0.98/5
  • Imma Chargin Ma Lazah! (Orange guy screaming/2050) rating: 0/0

[edit] math not prog

This type of prog ditches all the masturbatory techinique founded by the wizards and druids of the keyboards but keeps the odd time signatures like 52/4 and 9/17

[edit] Key Albums

  • Discow E.P. (Deaf To Van Gogh's Ear/2004) rating: 4.5/4
  • Reg-ay (The Police/1984) rating: 1/5

[edit] Polyphonic Prog

This is a type of prog that can either consist of choirs or mellotron cannons, or just music written on mobile phones (e.g. polyphonic ringtones and cowbell melodies). Very few bands actually do this style.

[edit] Key Albums

  • Cowbells, cowbells and more cowbells (Cowbell dude/1981)rating: 6.79/5 stars
  • The Cowbell dude (The Movistar personnel/2007) rating: 4.21/5
  • The hideous hits (concept album) (Kraftwerk/1978)rating:4.61/5
  • Electrolisis (Gary Numan/1984) rating: -2.89/5
Sufficient Cowbell This article has exactly the right amount of cowbell.

You can help by not doing anything.

[edit] Crossfire prog

Crossfire prog contains bands that, although 100% progressive, may have some connection with popular music, or may have burst into flames, thus giving it the "cross-FIRE" tag. This was created when Supertramp (initially a sythphonic prog band) released their hit single "Dreamer"(containing "My strawberry bush" on side b). Their fans thought they'd sold out, but Roger Hodgson claimed: "We didn't sell out...we just want our music to reach pop-jerks to make more money". The difference between this and selling out is debatable. Years later, someone claimed that Supertramp's case was the one of a fully progressive band that wanted to reach the maintream audience. That's why they are included in this sub-genre. The other reason of their inclusion is that, when their hit single came out, a lot of prog fans set fire to it, to show their dissaproval. Other bands' discographies have crossed fire many times, due to this same reason. Prog Archives has collected this records from the fire, cleaned them and put them in the market again...hoping no further burning ocurrs.

This category had its name changed from Fart Rock to Crossfire prog, because it caused quarrels among experts, claiming that it was not 100% accurate to call it Fart Rock, since not all fires were lit by intense farting.
Crossfireing in the 90's was really frequent

Bands include:

  • Supertramp (not to be confused with "Superman trap")
  • Mike Oldfield
  • The Moody Blues(not be confused "The Monday Shoes")
  • Tony Banks
  • John Oboiste(whose albums in the 80's were all burnt by old fans, especially "A Guitar Way to Throw", in 1985)
  • Bris Walter(whose most burnt record was "Pop Tart & a Guitar to Throw Away")
  • Back Walkman
  • Buzz Yogurtlight (not to be confused with Buzz Lightyear nor with Boz Burrell)
  • Phil Collins's more popular brother than the one featuring in Synthphonic prog.
  • Marillion
  • Ice Cube Crossfired many times, as seen in picture.
  • Maroon 5 (though their progressiveness is debatable, all of their records have been burnt at one time or another, by everyone of us).

[edit] Key Albums

  • Crime of the Century (Supertramp/1974)rating:5.02/5
  • A Curious Feeling (Tony Banks/1979) rating: 4.01/5
  • I'm more popular than my brother, but not as popular as my more popular brother, whom you all know (Phil Collins's more popular brother than the one featuring in Synthphonic prog/2005)rating:78.98/5
  • Into the Future (The Moody Blues/2019) rating: 4.9987.67&1987.78/5....$
  • A Slash (John Oboiste/1976) rating:4.77/5
  • Phantom Afternoons (John Oboiste/1979) rating: 4.89/5
  • Back to the String Tour '82 (John Oboiste/2005) rating:4.33332/5
  • The trip of the Archibald Right(not to be confused with "The Voyage of the Acolyte") (Bris Walter/ 1975) rating:103/5
  • This Love (Gisel, good-bye) (Maroon 5/2005)rating:-28.90/5
  • I do not sound like Peter Gabriel (Marillion/ 1984) rating: 6.09/5

[edit] Eclesiastic Prog

This is a subdivision from Fart Rock. Bands in here were taken out of the F.R category because they didn't have any connection to popular music whatsoever and all had certain relegious contents in their music (most bands here are actually formed by priests or monks). This style came from the high mountains of Nonthapting, were Monsenior Beckenburgerbauer started writing lyrics based on visions he had of the Apocalypse and was accompained by his monks, who played percussion on some rocks or skeleton remains of dead priests. Such bands include:

[edit] Key Albums

  • Sola Scriptura (Neal Morse/2007) rating: 56.908/5
  • Walk in Procession (Procession/1974) rating: 4.09/5
  • Walk like a Procession (A walk with a priest/2155) rating:7.8/5
  • Hey, stop walkin'! (Procession/ 1976) rating: 3.56/5
  • Keep Walkin in procession (A walk with a priest/2156) rating: 4.99/5
  • Fuck "A walk with a priest" (Procession/1977) rating: 5/5
  • Apocalypse (based on The Apocalypse) (The Monsenior Beckenburgerbauer project/1420) rating: 16.78/5
  • God is my Pooper Scooper (Fallen Angel Turds/1982) still not rated

[edit] Heavy Prog

Heavy Prog defines progressive rock music that draws as much influence from hard rock as it does from "thrown away to the trash" beavers. Although heavy prog has caused much controversy , some pepole think it is, somehow, related to healthy frogs. This association is, of course, erroneous. It is, however, very common that people confuse the term "Heavy Prog" with "Healthy Frog", but this is, may I repeat, a complete misunderstanding. So it is, thus, a terrible mistake to relate this music style with amphibian health conditions. You shan't mistake Prog Rock that is heavier with frogs that can breath normally and live happily without having to suffer diseases. Mistake Heavy Prog with Healthy Frog is what individuals (like you or myself) shall not, by any means, do. So, thus, consider yourself informed that thinking heavy prog and healthy frog are the same thing is a complete misconception. Anyway, bands included here can either be 70's prog bands highly influenced by hard rock or late 80's/90's bands that are more influenced by heavy metal. Rush, for example, was a progressive rock act that got hit by a very hard stone (or rock) in 1973. It was then confirmed by Geddy Lee that the rock was incredibly heavy. This same stone was to hit Queensrÿche and Dream Theater in the mid 80's. Bands include:

[edit] Key Albums

  • Da Noob Cummin On Da Latina! (Mars volta/2002) rating: 42.2.../5
  • In the bed with david and goliath(giant penis) (Mars volta/2007) rating: 69/69
  • Live Scenes from Newark (Dream Theater/2001) rating: 55.11/5
  • Octafingers (Masterbatory Dream/2007) rating: ~64.68564321/5
  • My Chops are Better than Yours (Spooge Theater/2009) rating: 99.999%/5
  • Be (Pain of Salvation/2004) rating: 4.68/5
  • Operation Nursery Cryme (Queensrÿche/1989) rating: 6.20/5
  • 2111112 (Rush/1976) rating: 5.67/5
  • Hold Your Helium (Rush/1986) rating: 1.67/5
  • W/C (Flush/1977) rating: 4.52/5


DANGER!!  
Abusive Progressive Rock listening can lead your head to A SPLODE!!!! Nevertheless, Jimmy Hendrix, JIm Morrison, Grover and Ned's Lizard will congratulate you for trying to do it without dying.

[edit] Not-really-Prog/ Proggish

This category includes bands that are not really prog, but are close to it (proggish) and bands that are, actually, not really prog at all. The Proggish style begun into the early 1970's, when bands like Queen, Roxy Music and Led Zeppelin took elements from real prog, like weird sounds, odd themes, mellotrons and foxtrots, and mixed them with their music. Other proggish bands came out like Iron Maiden (who are pretty much metal, but share some traits with prog, such as extreme mellotronning), and dudes from real prog bands went solo, like David Gilmour, Jon Lord, Santa Claus, Leutennant Steve and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Bands that are not-really-prog at all were added here just to fill the blanks or just to waste both space and time. Bands include:

[edit] Key Albums

  • Queen II (Queen/1974) rating: 5.44/5
  • Led Zeppelin IV (or Soso, or ZaZi, or WTF? or Whateveryoumightcallit) (Led Zeppelin/1971) rating: 20.67/5
  • Face Value (Phil Collins/1981) rating: 2.87/5
  • I broke my fucking fingers (Andrew Lloyd Webber/1992) rating: 4.23/5
  • A distastrous play (Andrew Lloyd Webber/2007) rating:4.76/5
  • Pet Samatary (The Ramones/1987) rating: -1.89/5
  • We're so gay (Erasure/1985) rating:-1344/5
  • I am not Madonna, I am Ozzy Osbourne! (Luetennant Steve/ 1991) rating: 6.45/5
  • Jingle Bells (Santa Claus/somewhere in time) rating: 44.13/5

[edit] James Blunt Prog

Now, this is an odd one. To begin with, we have to know who James Blunt is to understand what we are actually talking about when we say "James Blunt Prog". James started his career aspiring to be a huge pop star. He released his single "you're beautiful" sometime in the 2000's and gained much success. Then, he noticed that that was the only song of his that people actually listened to. Shortly after that, he realised he was just another one-hit-wonder. Thus, he went away to the catacumbs of "Wellyabetercumopuithsumthin" and stayed there for about 267 days. There he composed music using nothing else but old and broken cowbells dropped on the way by various ass-backpackers. He had iniciated a new, progressive sound. It was different from normal prog...it was, in fact different from music, itself. His style was so James Blunt, that he decided to call it "James Blunt Prog".

[edit] Key Albums

[edit] Epileptic Prog

This category is filled up by bands that, using their music, make you suffer instant epilepsy attacks every 2 and 1/56 hours on the same day. This music is, somewhat obsolete in the media because all of the countries in the world, except, of course, the Cannibal United Butt-heads Alliance (a.k.a. CUBA), have prohibited it for the extremeasploding of peoples' heads. Bands included are:


[edit] Key Albums

  • How much cocaine do you need to kill a Horse? (Gabriel Recoleta/1970) rating: infinite/5
  • Captain Beefheart's Band of Merry Men pt. I: Enduring the Painless enema (Captain Beefheart's Band of Merry Men/1975) rating: 6.0923478/5
  • DNA proof (Phil Collins's Unrecognized Brother/2004) rating: 0+65/12
  • My Sister is Phil Collins's 56th wife (The Progressive Abuelos de la Nada/1985) rating: ratin' crazin'/5
  • More Cowbell (Christopher Walken/ 2016) rating: 8+Q/5
  • I know Our Name Sounds like Deep Purple, but we are Another Band (The Betels/ 1978) rating: 4.21/5
  • Right Hand Says What Left Hand (Severed Corpus Callosum/Date Unknown) Rating PG-13

[edit] Progressive Mental

Progressive mental defines bands that draw as much influence from prog as they do from metal, but were taken away from the Heavy Prog (not to be confused with Healthy Frog) category because of various reasons. Firstly, the term Heavy Prog is a combination between Heavy Metal and Progressive Rock. The sound was pretty much prog only that heavy, that is why it was decided to use the word "heavy" rather than "metal". In opposition, this bands use to concentrate more on the "metal" aspect of heavy metal, to show their music is made of pure solid metal ( we can identify some of these bands for the use of metal underwear, usually over their pants, and sometimes even whole metal asses). But this genre is not called "prog metal", it is called "prog meNtal". This is due to the severely problematic state of mental health that this bands posses (or at least show in their music). They include such elements as really dirty distored guitars, Cookie Monster vocals or agonizing insect vocals, spiral riffs, insecticides, pesticides, rotten foxtrots, rotten wool or leather jackets, rotten smell of sweat and shit (steeming through the night), inverted crosses, inverted inverted crosses, pig heads and spikes with a fluffy edge. These are some of the sub-genres included here (all are considered mentally ill): Prog Black Metal, Prog Super Black Metal, Prog Scandinavian Nu Metal, Vegetarian Progressive Grindcore, Norwegian Prog Folk Metal, Prog Unblack Metal, Eclesiastic Hell Metal, Progressive Asswipe and Lounge. The creator of the whole prog mental category is Chuck Schuldiner. He did it when he started screaming the lyrics of Metallica's Fight Fire With Fire while driving his van at a tremendous speed inside his old school's kinder garden. This was taped by his friend Rogel. Lyrics deal with such topics as death, mutilation, philosophy, Satan worship, Santa worship, hate, constipation, dark dragons, ghosts, zombies and some shit whispered in some Scandinavian dialect.... and lower intestines.
Common expressions related to Progressive Mental illness
  • Opeth (not to be confused with Oprahdeath)
  • Myung's Constipation
  • The Oscar Wilde Blood-Sucking Metal Band
  • Death
  • Stinkhole
  • Borknagar
  • Valterstrog
  • Emperor
  • Progressive Horde
  • Father Moldoone's Fucked Up Metal Band
  • The Marilín Monzon Project
  • Othron
  • Ass-ylum
  • The Nextel Employees
Those Bastards are gonna Pay

[edit] Key Albums

  • Blackwater Park (Opeth/2001) rating: 1,000,000,000,000,000/5
  • Death by Mentol (Death/1987) rating: Carlos/5
  • Brown Fury (Stinkhole/2007) rating: 4.100/5
  • The MetroPølis Attacked pt II: The Blacke Cyrcl (The Marilín Monzon Project/666) rating:-2,565,241,456/5.32
  • Bee (Myung's Constipation/2005) rating 8345786/5
  • Semi-Architectural flying corpse in the Water (Ass-Ylum/1999) rating: 6/5
  • The Ghost of Cantertouille (The Oscar Wilde Blood-Sucking Metal Band/1997) rating: 8.2312514/8.24
  • The Ghost Reveries (Opeth/2005) rating: 5.01/5
  • Fuck the Movistar Personnel (Father Moldoone's Fucked-up Metal Band/1999) rating: 125/123
  • Sex & Religion (The Nextel Employees/2002) rating: 2.88/2.87
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