Probiotic

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Evil jerks in a bottle

Probiotic is often advertised in yoghurt commericals as “friendly germs” and prebiotic is advertised as “promoting the growth of friendly bacteria”. They are becoming increasingly common in dairy products and are seen as essentials for a healthy lifestyle. Both of these are lies. Infact, both probiotic and prebiotic are exactly the same thing: a marketing scam.

edit The origins of Prebiotic

Prebiotic originates from a spelling mistake on a label of a new type of yoghurt. The company was trying to cash in on the “probiotic craze” of the 21st Century. The mistake wasn’t noticed until a large batch was exported, and so many people now believe that ‘prebiotic’ is a legitimate word, or term.

edit The Truth

These companies would have you believe that a probiotic yoghurt is full of lots of little microorganisms. They frolic and laugh and generally have a good time. However, this is simply a ruse, to lure unsuspecting consumers into consuming the strain of bacteria, Turnum Evilis. These bacteria quickly colonise in the stomach and before long, they are marching around in columns, arms outstretched with swastikas on their uniforms. From here, they spread to the rest of the body, purging it of cells deemed to be unworthy, until the host person becomes truly evil. The host is completely unaware of this change, and for the most part, neither is anyone else.

edit Ways to spot a victim

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Probiotic.

Fortunately, there are ways to spot victims of Turnum Evilis. Common traits include:

• Eating cheese
• Surrendering
• Smoking cigarettes
• Developing a ridiculous accent
• Having a fondness for berets
• Smoking more cigarettes
• Poaching snails
• Going on strike

See here for a full description of the symptoms.

edit Cures

Unfortunately, there is only currently one cure for Turnum Evilis.