Princess Zelda

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo8
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Princess Zelda.
Zelda and Peach sex other girls

Zelda learns new things about sex everyday. But I can't believe it took her this look for her to learn that.

Princess Zelda of Hyrule is one of the main characters in The Legend of Zelda series. The series is named after her despite the fact all she does is get kidnapped every game she's in, usually by Ganondorf. Attempting to make her look like a strong, independent princess is usually a big waste of time on the creators' part: in Ocarina of Time and SSBB she preforms as a a male ballet ninja named Sheik, but this never helps Link and she gets abducted anyway. In The Minish Cap, she possesses the light force, but gets turned to stone anyway. Holds the Triforce of Wisdom, meaning all she does is speak in poetic riddles instead of getting to the damn point. Zelda has tried explaining to link many times they are just friends but he just keeps bringing her magic trinkets, and she feels really bad for him.

edit Biography

Zelda was born in youngest princess of the Kingdom of Hyrule when the communists overthrew the monarchy following the assassination of court wizard Ganon with a big Goron's knife on the steps of the castle. The rest of the royal family died as now the hard working agriculturalists of Lon Lon ranch held their own destiny by the reigns.

edit Hobbies

Zelda often enjoys being captured by evil arabian villains and taken to their castle. Link often mistakes these sexual fantasies inspired from attending too much orientalist ballet as a cue to save her, constantly ruining her sex life, and making Ganondorf leave her again because "There's just too much baggage".

edit Zelda's Relationship with Link

It's been a torrid affair, since childhood in fact, and when things get boring Zelda lets herself get captured by power mad despots. Link would always go out to save her, battling his way through dungeons and hordes of monsters leaving deep emotional scars every time. Zelda would repeat this cycle every time she bored, spanning several dozen games. More recently, Zelda has stopped this, and her and Link's life has become more mundane.

edit Return from exile

Zelda was eventually allowed to return to her ancestral castle but democracy had already overtaken Hyrule and the monarchy continued to exist only as a symbol of national heritage exercising only ceremonial power with the actual political authority lying with the state Duma. is never really able to perform her royal duties to any real capacity.

edit See also

Personal tools
In other languages
projects