Princess Peach

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Princess Peach

A portrait of the princess. Note how her eyes are wild with unlimited power.

Princess Peach (b. June 23, 1983 as Princess Pauline Euphonica Toadstool) is the queen of the Mushroom Kingdom. It is widely thought that she is powerless and overly-reliant on others, with frequent kidnappings by King Bowser of the Koopaia nation. However, these "kidnappings" are mere propaganda; excuses for the ruthless Peach to frequently invade Koopaia territory and take valuable resources in her frequent wars. Led by Maj. Gen. Mario Tortolini and his brother, Lieutenant Gen. Luigi Tortolini, the feared Imperial Toadstool Army (ITA) is one of the most powerful in the world.

Early Life

Princess Pauline Euphonia Toadstool was born one sunny June 23, 1983 in the Mushroom Kingdom. She was automatically selected at birth to be a ruler for Mushroom Kindgom,having selected the sword when made to choose between the apron, the rake and the sword in question. She was born to King Tiberius Stalin Toadstool and Queen Zenobia Aryana Toadstool, the most peaceful rulers in the history of the Mushroom Kingdom. They grew and raised her to be a peaceful ruler as a child, but when she was a teenager she feel madly in love with an older human officer in the Toadstool Army. She started secretly seeing him, and he taught her how to fight in their spare time (when they weren't angrily making out, of course). But over time, the young man grew higher in rank in the army, and he and Peach had less time for each other. This led to a very sad and defining event in Pauline's life about a year later.

One day, while out on border patrol, the young man was ambushed by a gang of illegal immigrant Koopas trying to get into the prosperous Mushroom Kingdom. He was beaten and killed on duty, and the perpetrators were never identified. The Princess was never the same after this incident.

Ascension to the Throne

Mario koopa

A picture of the assassin.

Princess Pauline, 18 years old and grief-stricken by the loss of her lover, became queen of the Mushroom Kingdom on a dark, rainy September 13, 1985. She didn't do much for several years; she merely acted as a puppet monarch for the Council, who "guided her to the right choices", often to their own benefit. Peach's parents both died from poison mushroom intake in what was deemed an assassination; the culprit was found to be a rebellious Koopa nationalist named Koopes who wanted more rights for the Koopa minorities in the Kingdom. This is believed to be what pushed Pauline over the edge, into an insane, yet brilliant, revival of the Mushroom Kingdom not seen since King Toady III. She had him executed, and ever since she had a vicious hatred of all Koopas. She enacted segregatory laws against them, and exerted her powers over the Council until finally, on March 17, 1987, she declared war on the neighboring Koopa nation, Koopaia. She started spreading anti-Koopa propaganda and attempted to make herself look like the victim to win over people. She went so far as to change her name to "Princess Peach," despite the fact that she was no longer a princess nor yet a peach. It just sounded more innocent.


Japan map

A map of Peach's empire as of now.

Peach's rule is a very belligerent one fraught with military action and discrimination against Koopas and their ilk, but it has also brought a level of prosperity to the kingdom not seen in ages. While her parents' rule wasn't bad, Peach dramatically increased the size of the ITA, increased the level of imports to the country, and even installed her own sister, Daisy, as a puppet queen of the neighboring Sarasaland; thereby increasing her influence in the world even more.


The culture of the Mushroom Kingdom has thrived under Peach's rule, but at a cost to minority Goombas and Koopas, who are regularly discriminated against. While this is not immediately evident to any passer-by or tourist, it becomes more obvious upon looking at the living conditions and rights of Toads and comparing them to the minorities; Goombas and Koopas are segregated from wealthy and middle-class Toad neighborhoods and put into separate townships. They are still allowed in the same public spaces, but they live at a lower standard at home.


Mario and luigi general

The ITA's finest generals, glorified in this pro-military poster.

After the death of her parents, Peach increased the size of the army by almost 620,000 infantrymen (mostly Toads and Goombas), cavalry (mostly Toads), and heavy artillery (mostly Flying Koopas and cannons) units. She also increased security in Toad Town, the capital city, and used her armies to declare many wars on neighboring nations. While her country started out small, it engulfed the other small countries around it and grew to be a major power. Peach then split her country into different sectors, or "worlds," as she carved her empire, and gave them very creative and original names such as World 1, World 2, etc. These "worlds" were then subsequently divided into sub-sectors, i.e. World 1-1, World 1-2, and so on. This ensured that her country was as difficult to govern as possible, because nobody but her would want to memorize all the provinces she made; thus nobody wanted to have her throne. This tactic wasn't necessarily good, of course, but it all made sense in her head.

Relationship With Mario

Peach knew Mario for a long time. They first met when they were babies and played together. Mario and Luigi were chosen by fate to be royal protectors of the princess, so Peach's parents made sure they were well prepared. They had great fighters such as Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker to personally train them, so they grew very skilled. They then grew up to be her royal advisors and protectors when she became a leader. They were responsible for creating the law that there would be free spaghetti for everyone in the kingdom. Mario and his brother were successful protectors of Peach. They rescued her several times from Bowser. The first time was in the game Super Mario Bros and the countless sequels and spin-offs. Mario and Peach are best friends and Mario is said to be Peach's boyfriend. She does like him but she also cheats on him with his brother Luigi. She is usually grateful to both of them for rescuing her and she is sometimes seen kissing Mario or Luigi after they have rescued her. It has been alleged that Mario and Luigi have been bribing Bowser to pretend to attack Peach, so that they can pretend to rescue her, but the man who made this allegation has disappeared.

Becoming Evil

Around 2000, Peach decided to become evil for a while. She wanted to have a new image for herself because she was tired of being a damsel in distress. She got some powers from Emperor Palpatine and went on an evil and psychotic rampage, killing many of her own citizens with her double-bladed lightsaber. She eventually got tired of this and became good again. She realized her damsel in distress role was very important for the development of the Mario Bros video games. Hell, nearly all of the games follow the same plotline: "Peach gets captured by Bowser and Mario and Luigi have to rescue her".

Video Game Appearances

Peach nearly appears in every Mario Bros game ever made. It all started around 1985 when she was the damsel in distress captured by the evil monster Bowser. The game was so popular that Nintendo realized they could cash in on that same plot premise over and over again. In every Mario Bros sequel, Peach ends up being captured by Bowser and Mario has to jump on turtles and eat mushrooms that make him 50 feet tall to rescue her. However,in some games she gets a different role. Like, in Super Mario Bros. 2 you can actually play as her (but I'm not going to tell my brother).

Here are just a few of the many "horrible" games she was in.

Super Mario Bros. Super Mario.Bros. 2 Super Mario World Yoshi's Safari Peach's Pornographic Playpen Super Mario Kart Mario Tennis

Super Mario Sunshine

Mario, Peach, Samus Aran and an entourage of Toads went to Disney World on Peach's private plane. Luigi didn't come because he was partying too much at a club with Lil Kim the night before and he had a hangover. However, Bowser Jr., in the disguise of Shadow Mario, had filled the island with graffiti. The crimes were blamed on Mario, and he was sentenced to clean the entire island with his blood. Eventually, Bowser Jr. kidnapped Peach while Mario was away, and took her to Pinna Park, where he revealed his true identity. Bowser had told him that Peach was his mother and that the evil Mario had kidnapped her. After Mario destroyed Bowser Jr.'s Mecha-Bowser, in which the princess was held captive, Bowser Jr. used a balloon, with Peach still inside, to take the still intact head of the Bowser robot to Corona Mountain. Later, Mario made his way to the top of the active volcano and found Peach and was forced to battle with Bowser and Bowser Jr. in a pool of green acid. This was described by Bowser as a "family vacation". Mario managed to rescue Peach, and later they were able to enjoy their vacation together chilling in a hot tub and smoking blunts. Bowser admits that Peach is not Bowser Junior's real mother but his real mom cheated on Bowser.

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