Princess Peach

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“I'm not really into white guys right now...”
~ Princess Peach
“I would plow that.”
“She looks like that one girl I did while I was drunk.”
Princess Peach

A portrait of the princess. Note how her eyes are wild with unlimited power.

Princess Bitch Peach (b. June 23, 1991) as Princess Pauline Euphonica Toadstool) is the queen of the Mushroom Kingdom. It is widely thought that she is powerless and overly-reliant on others, with frequent kidnappings by King Bowser of the Koopaia nation. However, these "kidnappings" are mere propaganda; excuses for the ruthless Peach to frequently invade Koopaia territory and take valuable resources in her frequent wars. Led by Maj. Gen. Mario Tortolini and his brother, Lieutenant Gen. Luigi Tortolini, the feared Imperial Toadstool Army (ITA) is one of the most powerful in the world. In reality, she is a super-saiyan dominatrix whose breaths are hurricanes and whose footfalls are earthquakes. She is a commander of the evil video game corporation known as Nintendo. It is heard she had sex at a nudist club.

edit Early/Late Life

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Princess Peach.

Princess Pauline Euphonia Toadstool was born one sunny June 23, 1991 in eisengard. First, She was chosen to be princess of jackpot joy bingo and also molested by Bowser,having selected the sword when made to choose between the apron, the rake and the sword in question. She was born to King Tiberius Stalin Toadstool and Queen Zenobia Aryana Toadstool, the most peaceful rulers in the history of the Mushroom Kingdom. They grew and raised her to be a peaceful ruler as a child, but when she was a teenager she feel madly in love with an older human officer in the Toadstool Army. She started secretly seeing him, and he taught her how to fight in their spare time (when they weren't angrily making out, of course). But over time, the young man grew higher in rank in the army, and he and Peach had less time for each other. This led to a very sad and defining event in Pauline's life about a year later.

One day, while out on border patrol, the young man was ambushed by a gang of illegal immigrant Koopas trying to get into the prosperous Mushroom Kingdom. He was beaten and killed on duty, and the perpetrators were never identified. The Princess was never the same after this incident. She has a secretly relative who died at birth named Pamela Toadstool(a supposed twin of Peach)but never known in the series. Later on, Bowser gets coma and Pyro Sincarta replaces him as the new antagonist(brother of her true love)to avenge his brother's death and accuses Peach for his death per se. She got really mad and decides to battle against him but died during of explosion. Unknown to others, Peach survive the explosion and now known as the evil Anastasia Sincarta who came back from the dead to get revenge to those who ruined her life. Next, Anastasia/Peach's plans were actually not working out and the only thing left for her to do is surrender to Pyro Sincarta leading her to her very death of her head being slayed off and that's how the life of Princess Peach is. Furthermore, a mysterious lady who supposly died from birth, Breach Toadstool (Pamela Toadstool per se) has come back in attempt to get revenge to those who ruined her life. What will everybody do? Is Peach really dead? And the biggest question is who is Breach and how will she affect people around her?

edit Ascension to the Throne

Mario koopa

A picture of the assassin.

Princess Pauline, 10 years old and grief-stricken by the loss of her lover, became queen of the Mushroom Kingdom on a dark, rainy September 11, 2001. She didn't do much for several years; she merely acted as a puppet monarch for the Council, who "guided her to the right choices", often to their own benefit. Peach's parents both died from poison mushroom intake in what was deemed an assassination; the culprit was found to be a rebellious Koopa nationalist named Koopes who wanted more rights for the Koopa minorities in the Kingdom. This is believed to be what pushed Pauline over the edge, into an insane, yet brilliant, revival of the Mushroom Kingdom not seen since King Toady III. She had him executed, and ever since she had a vicious hatred of all Koopas. She enacted segregatory laws against them, and exerted her powers over the Council until finally, on March 17, 2002, she declared war on the neighboring Koopa nation, Koopaia. She started spreading anti-Koopa propaganda and attempted to make herself look like the victim to win over people. She went so far as to change her name to "Princess Peach," despite the fact that she was no longer a princess nor yet a peach.

edit Leadership

Japan map

A map of Peach's empire as of now.

Peach's rule is a very belligerent one fraught with military action and discrimination against Koopas and their ilk, but it has also brought a level of prosperity to the kingdom not seen in ages. While her parents' rule wasn't bad, Peach dramatically increased the size of the ITA, increased the level of imports to the country, and even installed her own sister, Daisy, as a puppet queen of the neighboring Sarasaland; thereby increasing her influence in the world even more.

edit Culture

The culture of the Mushroom Kingdom has thrived under Peach's rule, but at a cost to minority Goombas and Koopas, who are regularly discriminated against. While this is not immediately evident to any passer-by or tourist, it becomes more obvious upon looking at the living conditions and rights of Toads and comparing them to the minorities; Goombas and Koopas are segregated from wealthy and middle-class Toad neighborhoods and put into separate townships. They are still allowed in the same public spaces, but they live at a lower standard at home.

edit Military

Mario and luigi general

The ITA's finest generals, glorified in this pro-military poster.

After the death of her parents, Peach increased the size of the army by almost 620,000 infantrymen (mostly Toads and Goombas), cavalry (mostly Toads), and heavy artillery (mostly Flying Koopas and cannons) units. She also increased security in Toadyo, the capital city, and used her armies to declare many wars on neighboring nations. While her country started out small, it engulfed the other small countries around it and grew to be a major power. Peach then split her country into different sectors, or "worlds," as she carved her empire, and gave them very creative and original names such as World 1, World 2, etc. These "worlds" were then subsequently divided into sub-sectors, i.e. World 1-1, World 1-2, and so on. This ensured that her country was as difficult to govern as possible, because nobody but her would want to memorize all the provinces she made; thus nobody wanted to have her throne. This tactic wasn't necessarily good, of course, but it all made sense in her head.

The commander of the ITA is Toadsworth Kinoji (キノ爺), adviser to Princess Peach after her parents died. Toadsworth was responsible for the genocide of Koopas in Koopaia in a campaign in 1978, where 30 million Koopas, Goombas, and other non-Toads are gassed, tortured, placed in cruel experiments, beheaded, de-shelled, crushed or sliced in Koopatraz Island, 160 km (100 miles) off the south east coast of Toadyo. Thousands of Toads who opposed Princess Peach's regime ended up in the same fate or escaped to neighbouring Sarasaland, seeking asylum to enter the country.

edit Industrialization

Princess Peach accelerated the rate of industrialization with enormous five year plans the first in 2008. Under her watch, the Mushroom Kingdom became the worlds most industrialized country. Among the companies founded were US Steel, GM, and Howard Johnson, symbols of the Kingdom's industrial might.

edit Princeess Peach's Death

Princess Peach had lost Breach (twin) since they were 5. Tynka a.k.a. Pyro's wife, Tyque and Peach had grown against each other. Peach always wanted to convince everyone the truth that her father is Bowser who married Melanda Sierra on the cruise. Consequently, she has no evidence and the only evidence she only had is her fiance, Adrian Sylvania. Peach found Adrian's documents that stands as proof of her parents marriage certificate on the cruise and Tynka's crimes. Furthermore as both go into trouble, both finally found each other and yet Breach was kidnapped by the NBI who wanted evidence to show that Adrian is a criminal. Afterwards, Peach gets into trouble when she realizes that she is followed by Tynka who angrily wants to get the documents she was holding and soon fights over it. As both fight over it, Breach escapes and saw the 2 were fighting. Then, as both fought, Peach finally chokes her with her own hands until Tynka gave up the documents unintending to push Peach off the bridge. Finally, it was revealed that Peach was dead on sea and was cremated. In conclusion, Breach felt so mad so she went with the NBI who helped her get revenge by being in her sister's shadow.

edit Video Game Appearances

Peach nearly appears in every Mario Bros game ever made. It all started around 1985 when she was the damsel in distress captured by the evil monster Bowser. The game was so popular that Nintendo realized they could cash in on that same plot premise over and over again. In every Mario Bros sequel, Peach ends up being captured by Bowser and Mario has to jump on turtles and eat mushrooms that make him 50 feet tall to rescue her. However,in some games she gets a different role. Like, in Super Mario Bros. 2 you can actually play as her (but I'm not going to tell my brother).

Here are just a few of the many games she was in.

  • Super Mario Bros.
  • Super Mario.Bros. 2
  • Super Mario Bros. 3 (Which Never Happened)
  • Super Mario Bros. The Movie (This never happened either)
  • Super Mario World
  • Yoshi's Safari
  • Peach's Pornographic Playpen
  • Super Mario Kart
  • Mario Tennis
  • manhunt 2

edit Super Mario Sunshine

Mario, Peach, Samus Aran and an entourage of Toads went to Disney World on Peach's private plane. Luigi didn't come because he was partying too much at a club with Lil Kim the night before and he had a hangover. However, Bowser Jr., in the disguise of Shadow Mario, had filled the island with graffiti. The crimes were blamed on Mario, and he was sentenced to clean the entire island with his blood. Eventually, Bowser Jr. kidnapped Peach while Mario was away, and took her to Pinna Park, where he revealed his true identity. Bowser had told him that Peach was his mother and that the evil Mario had kidnapped her. After Mario destroyed Bowser Jr.'s Mecha-Bowser, in which the princess was held captive, Bowser Jr. used a balloon, with Peach still inside, to take the still intact head of the Bowser robot to Corona Mountain. Later, Mario made his way to the top of the active volcano and found Peach and was forced to battle with Bowser and Bowser Jr. in a pool of green acid. This was described by Bowser as a "family vacation". Mario managed to rescue Peach, and later they were able to enjoy their vacation together chilling in a hot tub and smoking blunts. Bowser admits that Peach is not Bowser Junior's real mother but his real mom cheated on Bowser.

edit Super Mario Bros 2 Controversy

Controversy arose when Peach was represented as an ineffective novelty character in Super Mario Bros 2. Theories on the cause differ, from the game being a remake of Doki Doki Panic to Mario being unaware of Peach's true omnipotent nature and not dreaming of her as powerful. Who dreams about their girlfriend picking vegetables for four hours, anyway?

edit Peach's Anime Debut: Princess Power!

Sometime later, on another unknown date, Peach and her friends Daisy and Rosalina started up their own anime series called Princess Power!, made by Nintendo and the same studio behind Powerpuff Girls Z. During the show's initial run, it was widely well-received. While there were no plans for a second season, Nintendo soon enlisted Retro Studios to make a game based on it.

Princesspower
PeachBeach

All of that could be yours, Mario.

edit Filmography

  • Peach and Daisy's Wild Adventure
  • Peach and Daisy's Wild Adventure II: Guilty Pleasures in Paridise
  • Peach Plowers
  • Peach Plowers II
  • Peach Plowers III
  • Forbidden Pleasures in the Mushroom Kingdom
  • Forbidden Pleasures in the Mushroom Kingdom II: More Forbidden Pleasures
  • Forbidden Pleasures in the Mushroom Kingdom III: Even More Forbidden Pleasures
  • Forbidden Pleasures in the Mushroom Kingdom IV: Peach and Daisy must be Horny!
  • A Night with Peach
  • A Night with Peach II: Princesses in Love
  • A Night with Peach III: Hard like Bowser's Shlong
  • A Night with Peach IV: Harder like Donkey Kong's Shlong
  • A Night with Peach V: Hardest like Koopa Troopa's Shlong
  • Peach and Daisy on Yoshi's Island
  • Peach and Daisy on Yoshi's Island II: Peach does Daisy
  • Peach and Daisy on Yoshi's Island III: Daisy does Peach
  • Peach and Daisy on Yoshi's Island IV: Yoshi does Peach and Daisy
  • Peach and Daisy on Yoshi's Island V: Peach and Daisy do Yoshi, but terribly regret it

edit See Also

SUPER MARIO TEMPLATE
Protagonists MarioPrincess PeachToad
Russia mario
Antagonists Donkey KongGoombaWario
Luigis Gay LuigiMama Luigi (Luigi's sojourn)WeegeeWaluigi
Locations Mushroom KingdomAnother Castle®Yoshi's Park
Games Mario PartySuper Mario BrothersSuper Mario World
Whatnot Getting pushed into bananas (Mario Kart)Magic mushroomMariologyRaccoon Tail v. Super Mario CapeThe Mushroom Kingdom (band)
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