Princess Leia

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Leia

This shot, and the scene it appears in, is all that remains of George Lucas's planned Star Wars movie Jedi Gone Wild

Nasa spaceship

A hamburger somewhere in a Galaxy a Long Time Ago and far far Away

VaderStormies

Daddy took a strict approach with regard to boyfriends

“There is no underwear in space.”
~ George Lucas on Princess Leia's bra
“But we..... oh SHIT!!!”
~ Luke Skywalker on finding out Princess Leia was his sister

Princess Leia Organa Solo was the star of three children's films about violence, incest, and shiny swords. She was princess of planet Alderaan of the Mushroom Kingdom. The daughter of elected queen Padme Amidala, Leia was adopted by the royal family of Alderaan; and as her cousin Princess Peach reminds her, does not actually belong to a royal bloodline. The only thing she ended up inheriting from her mom was her personal servant LSD2, who would put her to sleep with his tales of clean and bloodless PG warfare.

At the ripe old age of 13 she became a member of the imperial senate, serving a six year term during which she developed a severe addiction to magic mushrooms and the spice Melange just to keep up with the demands, leading to her gaining the ability to open warp pipes with her mind, grow twice as tall and shoot fireballs. While in office she secretly sold blasters to rebel guerrillas who may have sold glitterstim to fund the overthrow of the empire. Her second term in office was marred by scandal over her drug use and suspected ties to terrorists, but her career was cut short with the dissolution of the imperial senate.

edit Career

In the first film she is kidnapped from her boat by the dragon Darth Vader who brings her to his castle in the sky to try and make her his bride through the use of foot massages, comfy chairs, and the serving of tea and crumpets. Buckling from the enhanced interrogation forced her to reveal her home world town as the fake location of the rebel base; she built a small palace from the resulting asteroid belt floating islands in the sky to rule over the remains of her home. She was rescued by a battle mage, a rogue, a barbarian, and a peasant.

In the other two films films she played the field: kissing the newly knighted Jedi Luke; his best friend Han, the smuggler with a heart of gold; and a four ton green worm named Jabba the Hutt. Jabba was a top tier spice dealer whom Leia sold her self to as a sex slave after her addiction spiraled out of control following the arrest of Han during a drug deal gone bad in the streets of Cloud City. She strangled Jabba using her bondage chain in a fit of orgiastic violence during abelly dance in a bondage bikini that got children all over the world seriously hooked and begging for more woman on worm hardcore BDSM.

edit Debate with her brother Luke

Danica-mckellar-02

Not Princess Leia. But she'll do. Oh, yes, she will...

Princess Leia had a big debate with her brother Luke Skywalker over why she should date Han Solo instead of him.

Leia: "I have to dump you and date Han now."
Luke: "Han? What does he have that I don't?"
Leia: "He's brave."
Luke: "I blew up the death star with only basic training."
Leia: "He has a job."
Luke: "I have a farm."
Leia: "He doesn't whine."
Luke: "Awwwwwwwwww, come on throw me a bone here!"
Leia: "He has a large penis."
Luke: "I have a glowy sword."
Leia: "He's mature."
Luke: "I lost my family and hand in war."
Leia: "He's handsome."
Luke: "Master Yoda says I'm handsome."
Leia: "He's not my brother."
Luke: "Yeah, well...I can do back flips."

edit See also

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