Primeval: The Miniseries
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The Primeval: The Miniseries is an (as yet) unbroadcast Australian-American adaptation of the ITV cult series Primeval. Starring Zachary Levi and Stephen Colbert, it was co-produced by NBC Studios and Nine Network Productions in association with BBC Worldwide, and filmed mainly on La Graciosa in the Canary Islands. The first two episodes premiered recently at ComicCon. It should air in Britain sometime in Spring 2012 on ITV4 and then air on ITV1 shortly afterwards.
While the original Primeval was dark yet fun-filled family entertainment crudely turned into yet another ridiculous piece of science fiction crap, NBC/Nine Network's version combines the original's fantastical premise with a controversial, allegorical commentary on the anxieties about globalization, government control, biotechnology, terrorism, and environmentalism.
After escaping certain death during a CIA pet project gone wrong, a government scientist nicknamed 'Connor' (Zachary Levi) finds himself in an incredible prehistoric world of enigmatic portals through time called anomalies, having no prior memory of how he got there. The anomalies - and the people who study them - are under 24/7 surveillance by an modern-day organization called the ARC (Anomaly Rsearch Center), hiding in the Canary Islands after an outbreak of ferocious predators destroys their London headquarters. Connor is mistaken by the ARC's new leader, a troubled American named Lester (Stephen Colbert), for the infamous ARC scientist Connor Temple who disappeared three years while trying to infiltrate the anomalies and alter the course of history for the better.
The new Connor soon learns from an old cleaner, Gus (Captain Awesome), that Connor Temple was actually retracing the steps of his long-dead mentor Professor Nick Cutter (Douglas Henshall), who claimed that the ARC was simply the reuslt of a mysterious timeline change shortly after the return of his estranged wife Helen. In an attempt to solve the mystery once and for all, Connor organizes an undercover expedition to a legendary hub of anomalies called Spaghetti Junction that few people have ever seen. Along the way, he recruits a support team of fellow ARC personelle: Ben (Jordan Rodriguez), a new teenage technician who is taking drastic measures to hide his illicit sexual affair with Lester's married adult daughter Susan (Ellen Page); Carribie (Deborah Mailman), an imprisoned Australian Aboriginee who can communicate telepathically with a group of Future Predators dubbed 'Believers'; Jess (Marzena Godecki), a field biologist and widowed mother of two who Connor believes is the Russian double agent that nearly took his life before he arrived at the ARC; and Becker (Jonny Pasvolsky), a former military captain who became obsessed with the anomalies after the murder of his parents by conspirating stooges.
All quickly discover that the terrifying dinosaurs and other beasts on the other side of the anomaly have their teeth sharpened to counter their efforts to decipher the clues they find. With each new episode, they and the creatures are pitched against each other in a battle of brains and brawn. Connor and his newfound friends realize that they must not only battle the monsters in order to save their world, but also answer some deep psychological questions about the monsters within...
edit Episode List
Episode 1: "Everything" - inspired by original Primeval episode "Everything Changes but Professor Cut-em-up's Jacket (whatever that means...)" Connor wakes up in a late Cretaceous desert, where is chased by a pack of ''Tyrannosaurus rex'' through an anomaly leading directly to the new ARC, where is mistaken by the local staff for the Connor Temple (much to his annoyance). While searching through Gus' archives, he discovers Helen's notebook that contains valuable information on the anomalies, the old ARC, Nick Cutter, the timeline change, and Cutter's missing love interest Claudia Brown (Lucy Brown). His quest for answers is interupted, however, when the Tyrannosaurus pack attacks the ARC, followed by a giant 'predatory' anomaly that ambushes unwary animals. Meanwhile, Carribee, arrested for suspicious behavior, tries to break lose from her containment cell to find out more about the new Connor, only to be caught by Ben. Carribee threatens to expose Ben's affair with Susan to her husband - Carribee's handler Yarden (Diarmid Heidenreich) - if he doesn't help her escape the ARC.
Episode 2: "Deposit" - inspired by original Primeval episode "£99 Or Any Old Car With Or Without An MOT As A Deposit" Upon returning to the ARC after the encounter with the predatory anomaly in Episode 1, Connor is assigned as an A.C.E. (ARC Children's Educator) by Lester, who wants him to "stop causing so much damn trouble". At the Kids' Workshop, he soon befriends Jess's son and daughter, Ada (Fletcher O'Leary) and Adalena (Holly Gibbs), who are suffering from severe depression. Becker explains that his brother, Jess's husband and the father of her children, was kidnapped by an anonymous band of hitmen during a failed expedition to Spaghetti Junction. Hoping to reach home, Connor plans his own expedition to Spaghetti Junction and, under the cover of darkness, brings Jess, Ada, and Adalena to an Middle Jurassic anomaly surrounded by swarms of feathered Guanlong and flying Sericipterus pterodactyls. Back at the ARC, an infuriated Lester sends out troops to every anomaly site in the Canary Islands in search of Connor and the other missing team members. Meanwhile, Becker notices that Ben is constantly spying on Gus from a converted outhouse.
Episode 3: "Creature" - inspired by original Primeval episode "The Creepy Guy's Creature Collection" On their expedition to Spaghetti Junction, Connor and his friends are ambushed by a pack of stray Future Predators, who take their new victims to a large underground cave in a futuristic desert environment. Throughout this episode, the Predators are constantly in contact with the rest of their pack (hiding in two twin towers out on the horizon), which are revealed to carry secrets about the anomalies. When Jess becomes attached to a Predator that attempted suicide, Connor deems her a traitor. Back in "the present day", the anomaly leading to the future opens near the ARC grounds. As they run out of options while the ARC troops combat the Future Predators coming through, Ben and Becker finally persuade Lester to release Carribee so that she can ward off the attackers with telepathy and summon the Believers. In the future, the wounded Future Predator, nicknamed "Shadow", is show to make intricate sand drawings of various places and artifacts associated with the anomalies - the telltale signs of a Believers. To save Shadow from getting screwed, Connor, Jess, Ada, and Adalena blackmail the other Predators into surrendering the directions to Spaghetti Junction and assuring Shadow's safety.
Episode 4: "Premiere" - inspired by original Primeval episode "This Season Premiere Just Sucks Ass!" In an extensive flashback sequence following Connor's "resignation" from the CIA, Jess' real life doppelganger, suffering from severe psychosis, has one mission on her mind: to kill Connor's mute wife (Ruth Wilson)!
Episode 5: "Bat" - inspired by original Primeval episode "Bat F*** Insane" Nick Cutter mysteriously comes back from the dead just as the predatory anomalies start forming sinkholes on the ARC grounds. The only solution to stop the sinkholes is revealed in Cutter's reunion with his beloved Claudia (now under the alias "Jenny Lewis" due to the timeline change).
Episode 6: "Tree" - inspired by original Primeval episode "Barking Up the Wrong Tree" Cloned doppelgangers of both creatures and humans continue to tamper with the anomalies - including evil versions of Connor, Cutter, and Claudia. When Lester suddenlly become powerless, it is up to Ben and Becker to initiate a monumental reform of the ARC.
Episode 7: "Fuck You, Dick Cheney" - inspired by original Primeval episode "Fuck You Dick Cheney" There are those who will live and those who will die. Will Connor and the others survive entrapment among the anomalies?