Prime Directive
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“Prime Directive? Psshaaaaah...”
~ Captain Kirk on Prime Directive
“The Prime wha...?”
~ Col. Jack O'Neill on Prime Directive during every episode of SG-1
The Prime Directive is one of the guiding principles of the future global earth one-world government, which forces Starfleet members to not interfere with any alien culture that they run across. Of course, this directive is usually ignored in the best interests of North American centric theories on moving the plot along. Captains may shoot, murder, disintegrate, mutilate and dismember any member of any alien species and destroy their homes and cultures with impunity, just so long as StarFleet doesn't find out about it before the end of the episode. This is especially true if the pransdemic alien species offer up alternative forms of life-care, cloning, religion, or clothing styles that jar the sensibilities of Madison Avenue churches. This directive is most notably ignored by captains like James T. Kirk when there's a really hot girl involved that he wants to shag. (This doubles if the girl is green.) This is ALWAYS true unless said alien species are either icky-sick, dying, at risk of Genocide by a even more violent race, or one of their females get knocked up by Kirk; then the prime directive is strictly observed at all costs.
Some captains, such as Jean Luc Picard do try to obey the Prime Directive, and rather enjoy berating all violators with 90 hour lectures on the subject of non-interference. This is made all the worse because he's French and no-one likes being lectured to by the French, especially when they're Bald French military officers who are speaking in perfect upper class RP English accents, bar the odd Americanised pronunciation of English words; like math rather then maths, or aluminum, lieutenant, data, master and so on. (Some limeys take comfort in the trivial pronunciation of the last letter of the alphabet as "Zed".)
The most notable corollary to the Prime Directive is the Kathryn Janeway Rule, which states, "When stranded 70,000 light-years from home, the Prime Directive must be obeyed unless there is a possibility of getting it on with a borg dominatrix." However as pointed out later there are further exceptions to the "Janeway rule" as on evaluation she has broken it on least 47 occasions in a one month period alone.
Such additions as denying ever having broken the Prime Directive even if, in the astronomically improbable event of meeting a fellow Starfleet captain of an even SMALLER ship then your own, whose all but confessing to you to his committing acts of genocide to get his crew home. when asked if you've broken the Prime Directive, simply take the high ground, put your hands on your hips, look his squarely in the eyes, and deny EVERYTHING you've done since the caretaker abducted you. Remember, a woman is allowed to lie through her teeth."
The Prime Directive has helped solve many interstellar problems such as the need for plot devices, protecting religious freedom, plot devices, providing French captains something to lecture about, protection of the innocent and plot devices. On the other hand, if the situation calls for high ratings, say "aw hell with it!" and break it as much as you like with no fear of repercussions.
Captain Kirk is allowed some discretion to ignore the Prime Directive WHENEVER he feels like time traveling for the sheer hell of it. Normally so he can get some ponn.
[edit] Prime What?
The Prime Directive should not be confused with the Optimus Prime Directive (the governing body of the Autobots), prime numbers (which are numbers that have joined the mafia and fire guns stored in pencil cases not unlike those used by school children) or Prime Rib (tender, mouth-watering, delicious, juicy beef used to piss-off vegans).
The breaking of the Prime Directive is similar to ignoring the U.S. constitution. Never a George Bush on a Federation starship? (There was believed to be one in office at the time of the Dominion war, just under heavy alien make up.)
The Klingons, Romulans, Cardassains and other assorted bad guys such as the Borg, pay no heed to the Prime Directive, and therefore will do whatever the hell they like to anyone else. However they are all perfectly protected FROM the Federation Starfleet as they are members of other cultures, post warp or not, and therefore subjected to the non interference laws of the Prime Directive meaning the Federation Starships should not do a blessed thing to their starships. Obviously this means that in times of war, EVERY single member of the Federation Starfleet has broken the Prime Directive by committing brazen acts of aggression to wards another culture. Strangely, there have been ZERO court martials of Starfleet officers and non coms, despite the blatant disregard of the most precious law of the Federation towards alien races.
This simply prove Starfleet can't practice what it preaches.
[edit] Key Events Involving the Breaking of the Prime Directive
- Kirk beams down, does a hot green alien chick, and makes a baby who grows up to be that planet's Adolf Hitler
- In a sad attempt to be as cool as the other captains, Archer gives tactical nukes to cavemen... who use it as a gigantic paperweight.
- Capitan Picard Beams a collection of Cher CDs onto an unsuspecting planet.
- The Prime Directive is created by an Alien Race who interfered with the natural course of evolution for humans
- Henry Kissinger teaches the French how to invent the table
- Brian Adamas "Everything I do, I do it for you" staying at no 1 in the charts for half a year, despite the movie it was part of the OST for no longer being screened and at the time, not yet released on video.
