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Lets see, Heinz beans (beep), Heinz beans (beep), budgie kernels (beep), clear nail lacquer (beep), Aero bar (beep), Aero bar (beep), Aero Bar (beep), Whats this? That time of the month, eh love? Oh, dear, no price on this is there?
Thanks Ernie - just give me a holler when you find it.
Oh, no - its no trouble at all, really, this is why we have Ernie. Dearie, you mustn’t worry, this type of thing happens all of the time. All sorts of people need all sorts of things in the world and thats why we at Uncyclopedia Mart believe in tip top customer service.
What was that Ernie? No, you have the wrong item. Excuse me, Ernie's a bit deaf, I’ll have to use the microphone...no microphone? Deary don't you worry, they can hear it in the next store. I SAID: YOU HAVE THE WRONG FUCKING THING. I SAID PRICE CHECK FOR SAHARA VAGINAL MOISTURIZER; THE STUFF YOU USE WHEN THE TIDES GO OUT OF A WOMAN'S PORT OF CALL! Just between you and I deary I dread the coming menopause - the idea of my twitchet feeling all dry and gritty isn't something to look foraward to, is it. The microphone is still one you say?
There we go, just took a minute. So, do you have any coupons, love? Oh, here he comes now. Oh, thank you Ernie.
Here, what are all of you looking at? Go back to you own business - if the customer wants to buy Lords of Leather gay porno magazine what business is it of yours?
That’ll be 25.11, Vicar. Paper or plastic?
Thank you and have a blessed day.
Oh, dear, Jimmy - the dirty old Vicar has forgotten his bag with the Ladies Who Drink Piss Quarterly
Good afternoon Madam. Such a sweet lad our Jimmy. Well then, were you able to find what you were looking for today? No? Oh, you'll find cases of penicillin in back in our Jumbo Generic Department. Let just page Ernie and he'll escort you back there...