Preps
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“I dress like every other one of my friends to express myself!”
~ Preps on the only thing important in life
Contents |
[edit] What IS a Prep?
Preps are much less dangerous, and reek, not of crude oil and toxic waste, but of perfume, tiny puppies, and Daddy's yacht. You can distinguish a Prep from other high school cliques, like Goths, Jocks, and Potheads, due to their excess wearing of Aberzombie & Bitch, American Evil, Ralph Allovertheflooren, , and Whorister. If that's not enough to identify these putrid creatures, you can also use your ears. Preps are easily heard by their shrill, piercing screech of "Liek oh my gaaawd!!!" or "Liek, I so totally looove your new purse, is it Chanel?" Preps are a mix between Valley Girls and Sluts, and the formula for their creation can be shown through this equation: 
Preps have a range of hobbies and interests, including
- Being rich
- Admiring their reflection
- Saying "like" a lot
- Saying "totally" a lot
- Saying "Whaaatt eveeeeerrrrrrr" for 5 seconds
- Becoming Paris Hilton
- Cheerleading
- Spending money
- Usually have their thumbs up their asses, looking very vain
- Listening to one kind of terrible music or another
- Going to prom as much as possible
- Making others feel inferior
- Thinking that everybody is constantly checking them out
- Putting out
- Gazing at themselves in the mirror
- Being super loud and obnoxious in public
- Sucking up to AP Euro teachers
- Thinking that they're so cool an anybody different is a muthafuckin freak
- Laughing at completely unfunny things stated by their balding World History teachers
- Laughing too much
- Advertising Abercrombie & Fitch on their boobs
- Being a member of the school dance team and thinking that they're better than the cheerleaders
- Constantly baring their midriffs
- Being blonde
- Saying their favorite phrase "Like, OH MY GOOOOOOOD, NO WAYYYYYYYYY!!!"
- Having children
- Eating children
- Making a scene in public and then wonder why people are looking at them
- Flaunting their enormous amounts of cash
- Criticizing Rockers, Emos, Hippies, Goths, Old people, Toddlers, Libertarians, Hackers, Geeks, Nerds, Peacenicks and anyone they consider inferior. Okay, everyone.
- Saying "eww" to perfectly nice people.
- Making fun of people with accents (ex. Asians "CHICKEN-FRIED RICE FOR YOU?!?")
- acting either gangster or extremely BABYISH.
- complaining about how everyone is mean to them
- Wearing attire usually reserved for serious athletes, such as rowers or sailors, without actually participating in said event.
- Hangs with Ricers.
- Being from Juneau.
- Wearing clothes with holes in them that were purchased that way for obnoxious sums of money (as opposed to hippies and poor people, whose pants are only like that because they've been wearing them for twelve years)
- Lacking a soul
- Getting rewarded greatly for raising their grades to D's.
- Talking about their "friends" behind their backs.
- Taking over otherwise great youth groups.
- Dating a new TOTALLY HAWT guy every two days.
- Making fun of people with mental disabillities.
- Brutally insulting someone and then saying, "Just Kidding!"
- Following a "Queen Bee".
- Actually LIKING Hannah Montanna, High School Musical, and other things that are aimed at preteen girls.
- Having to be around their cell-phone 24/7.
- Making fun of internet geeks while spamming Facebook with their JA-RAMA!
- Either being obsessed with Twilight, or mocking Twilight lovers while obsessing over the movies.
- Listens to today's bitchy terrible music
- Does not like meat
- Brings in elmo, barney, sesame street characters to school
- Gives free hugs
- Cannot wait to attend the PREP rallies
[edit] Groups of people that preps hate
- Metalheads
- Hippies
- Rockers
- Goths
- Geeks
- Real Gangstas
- People richer than them
- People who don't use windows
- Their Friends
- Anyone who doesn't fit into a group
- Kakashi
- Emos/anyone who listens to anything but rap
- Chuck Norris.
- Uncyclopedia Users (see above)
- You
- FAT ASSES!
In fact...Look out your window (if you use one), if you see anything that is NOT a prep, they hate it....in fact, they hate other preps as well.
Mall of America, after an extreme Prep-Burping massacre
[edit] Reproduction
Preps are among the most shallow creatures on the planet, they can reproduce at a extremely fast pace. To them, the appearance of a potential mate takes precedence over all other aspects. The female prep will try to seek out the male prep (jock)who is the most morally and intellectually bankrupt individuals they can find,(the dumber the better). The mating ritual can take place in the backseat of an SUV, in the parking lot at the prom, in the bathroom of an expensive restaurant before the prom, in a limousine on the way to the prom, on their mate's lawn after the prom, or anywhere else that they're just barely likely to be caught by another prep with a camera phone. The material from these videos can boost the popularity with other preps and cause rivalry between partners.
[edit] How To Destroy a Prep
- You MUST destroy their reputation and sabotage their life!
- For ideas check out the movie Mean Girls =)
- Don't correct them when they say "Is that the one where we go outside", regarding a tornado drill.
- Compressed-Gas Nail Gun to the face!
- Close down Taco Bell.
- Close down American Eagle
- Light Aeropostle on fire. With them wearing it.
- Play Slayer on a loudspeaker.
- Play Cradle of Filth on a loudspeaker.
- Take them to any of the above bands in concert or feed them to the members of GWAR.
- Poison their pot.
- Sing "I write sins not tradgedies" (panic! at the disco) until the prep jumps of a cliff.
- Turn them emo by forcing them to listen to fall out boy or Panic! At The Disco
[edit] History of the Prep
Baby Anita Polo, at 5 monthsThe very first Prep was born, October 97th, 1458, when Queen Elizabeth and Oscar Wilde had their secret love child, whose name is not officially documented, but is rumored to be named Anita Polo. Anita Polo leaped out of Queen Elizabeth's ... and loudly proclaimed "I AM THE MOVIE!", to which the doctor replied, "Which movie?" "Mean Girls" replied the baby, and in just 18 short years, Preppiness had spread throughout the entire world, especially America. Also, the biggest preps in the world live in Weatherford, Texas. Therefore, visit, point, and laugh at them while making clever jokes that they have no hope of understanding.
[edit] Becoming a Prep
First you have to win the lottery. Then you have to buy a lot of scrap that no-one really likes but is expensive (i.e. polos, yachts, Volvos, Bmws, polos, stocks, polos, Britney Spears albums, polos, etc) Then have you have to pepper your speech with intelligent phrases such as "Oh my god!" and "like totally!" Then you have to walk beneath a falling piano, because you no longer have any chance to benefit society, and should do us all a favor and die.
[edit] See Also
