Prairiecornmissourentuckeewadialand
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“Who ISN'T from a suburb of chicago?”
Well apparently it's all of those gay hating, goat roping, "downsouthers" that live in Prairiecornmissourentuckeewadialand, (read PRAYER EEEE CORN MI SUR EEN TUCK EE WAD IEEA LAND) another suburb of the cest pool called Chicago. This wonderful cornfield filled place is noted for their booze, barefoot and pregnant trailer trash, and their Southern Babtist churches. Wait isn't Illinois in the north, you say? yes!, but nobody in this region even cares, they are blindly led to think with mind-control machines beaming from the top of The Sears Tower towards the south, that they are all from Kentuckistan.
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[edit] Geography
Lots of prairies "up yander", and in the deep, deep, south, or "little Ho-Bag Egyptian Chick", there are a few hills oddly shaped like Janet Jackson's breasts. Most of the state is teetering precariously on one giant underground empty coal mine that is about to collapse at any moment. Most hopefuls in Chicago would like that to be during the massive earthquake due from the New Madrid Fault.
Prairiecornmissourentuckeewadialand is also known for the tornado plague that sucked out the remaining coal and shipped it to Iraq.
[edit] Monarchy and Rule
King Rod Blagojevich a.k.a Blow-me-B**** is the mighty ruler of the great white trash land of Prairiecornmissourentuckeewadialand. Lately Blow-me-B**** has been threating to move the capital of the State of Illinois to Chicago and force the south part of the state to secede from the North. He then plans on exiling all Christian Right members to this part of the state. This new state, which would be run by the Christian Right party.
Prairiecornmissourentuckeewadialandians aren't represented well in the Illinois government. Hopefully Judy Barr Topinka will have a greater say in this.
UPDATE: Topinka got PWNED!!
[edit] Major Cities (Major being a relative term)
Springfield, Home of The Simpsons, is a small city with lots of pollution. The town was founded by politicians in 1984. It is the home of Lincoln's Brothel and Whore House. Springfield is led to believe by Chicagoans that they are the "real" state capital of Illinois.
Decatur, Also known as The Stinkiest Town in America thanks to a giant pile of soybeans sitting on the side of the Interstate. Decatur is home to Millikin University, and Abraham Lincoln. He seems to be everywhere in this state. Decatur was the original home of the Chicago Bears, as well as an actual population, until Chicago ate them up too. The best people in the world live here. We are all awesome.(Wait this city sucks)
Cairo, The Egyptians settled here before Abraham Lincoln did. The 2008 economy is a bit sluggish, with an average per capita income of -$246.00, which they need quick before the electricity is shut off again.
Carbondale, slave camp in Southern Illinois run by the Ku Klux Klan. Asian exchange students and hippies are put to work in the nearby Shawnee timber mines and picking grapes in local vinegaries.
Champaign, A.K.A The official beginnings of Chicago. There are endless unaffordable homes that grace this once pristine landscape. Champaign is home to Ludacris and strangely enough, REO Speedwagon]
East St. Louis, The little town that wants to be St. Louis, but can't thanks to a high level of "people of color". The crime rate is so high here that you'll get shot just driving through the place. There are reported Elvis sightings in the area as well as aliens . . . oh wait, that's just B.B. King coming back for some Popeye's Chicken. There seems to be one on every corner.
Marion, Does this town ever stop growing? They are in constant competition with their massive neighbor to the north, but I highly doubt they will win. Every so often Marion Ross will come to town and try to "promote" the city, being that that is the only job she can get after her sexual encounter with Fonzie. Marion at one time wanted to be part of the south, and actually tried to leave for the confederation, they just might get their wish. A little known fact about Marion is that it is not, contrary to popular belief, Carbondale. The two towns are in fact separated by some 15 miles of smaller towns, forests and lakes.
Harrisburg, A town filled with ignorance, corrupt leaders, drugs, and prostitution. The Vegas of Southern Illinois, Harrisburg is currently in the process of building the largest Wal Mart(AKA Concentration Camp) in the world. Built for the torture and murder of Harrisburg's people of color.
Ottawa, A small town that thinks it's a major city and exaggerates everything that ever happened to it. There once was a debate between Lincoln and Douglas there. They then proceeded to make 600 murals, a statue, and a slogan out of it.
Makanda, A.K.A. Woodstock, meeeeeaaaaannnnn.... This little burg nestled below Hwy 51 and Giant City State Park is the home to all that is leftover from every acid-trip and Greenpeace meeting that was ever held at SIU Carbondale. Aside from the quaint little Main Street-style boutiques (count 4) these little patchouli-farmers love to come up to various town festivals and rain their hippie-love all over the town folk. Another benefit of having old and new Dead Heads living nearby is that they do perform the occasional Freakout on the squares by riding their bikes up and down the strip in packs of 30 or more.
Newman, Is the only sane place, yet has a nearby insane asylum called "Shiloh".
[edit] Agriculture & Economy
Prairiecornmissourentuckeewadialand is the leading producer of corn, corn, and oh yeah, more corn! There is an endless supply that runs the entire length of the state. Proven Fact: It would be virtual suicide to take a walk in a cornfield here. They plan on becoming the future producer of ethanol, because George Bush says so.
[edit] Trivia
Blow-Me-B**** does not know where the capital of Illinois is.
