Power Rangers

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{{Q|Alpha, get me 5 teenagers with attitude, a cannoli, and the latest issue of Hustler, this is an urgent situation!|Zordon|the Power Rangers}}
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{{Q|Alpha, get me 5 teenagers with attitude, a cannoli, and the latest issue of Hustler! This is an urgent situation!|Zordon|the Power Rangers}}
   
'''Power Rangers''' (aka '''Mighty Morphin' Wild Zeo Power Rangers Turbo Overdrive Force in Space II: Electric Boogaloo''') was an award winning 16 season [[television]] series. The series follows the titulating adventures of a group of [[teenager]]s (none of whom are [[emo]]) as they cope with [[homework]], bullies and [[sex]]; while they are called upon to do what the [[America|American]] [[military]] can't do: Deal with illegal aliens.
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'''Power Rangers''' (aka '''Mighty Morphin' Wild Zeo Power Rangers Turbo Overdrive Force in Space II: Electric Boogaloo The Sequel the Series''') was an award winning 16 season [[television]] series. The series follows the titulating adventures of a group of [[teenager]]s (none of whom are [[emo]]) as they cope with [[homework]], bullies and [[rape]]; while they are called upon to do what the [[America|American]] [[military]] can't do: Deal with illegal aliens.
   
 
==History==
 
==History==
 
[[Image:RitaRepulsaRatings.jpg|250px|thumb|"[[AAAAA]]! At last! No more "13+" ratings!"]]
 
[[Image:RitaRepulsaRatings.jpg|250px|thumb|"[[AAAAA]]! At last! No more "13+" ratings!"]]
In [[1992]], [[NASA]] decided to demothball an [[Apollo]] spacecraft to purely de-mythify the [[Moon hoax|Moon Landing Hoax]]. Upon arriving on the Moon, Apollo 23 discovered that the moon had an [[Earth]]-like sky and contained a disposed [[Pizza Hut]] dumpster. Although going completely against Houston's orders, they opened the dumpster to reveal [[Hurricane Rita|Rita Repulsa]] and her fellow Pizza Hut employees. The fate of the astronauts and the revived Apollo is unknown due to a lack of mentioning of the United States government and it's actions against Rita during the whole series.
+
In [[1992]], [[NASA]] decided to demothball an [[Apollo]] spacecraft to purely de-mythify the [[Moon hoax|Moon Landing Hoax]]. Upon arriving on the Moon, Apollo 23 discovered that the moon had an [[Earth]]-like sky and contained a disposed [[Pizza Hut]] dumpster. Although going completely against Houston's orders, they opened the dumpster to reveal [[Hurricane Rita|Rita Repulsa]] and her fellow Pizza Hut employees. The fate of the astronauts and the revived Apollo is unknown due to a lack of mentioning of the United States government and its actions against Rita during the whole series.
   
 
The Pizza Hut manager who originally canned Rita, [[Zordon]], now stuck in a transdimensional tube without a body, asks his robotic assistant, [[Alpha]], to gather 5 teenagers with attitude, a cannoli, and an issue of Hustler. Alpha gets the teenagers, the cannoli, but doesn't have legal age ID to get the [[magazine]].
 
The Pizza Hut manager who originally canned Rita, [[Zordon]], now stuck in a transdimensional tube without a body, asks his robotic assistant, [[Alpha]], to gather 5 teenagers with attitude, a cannoli, and an issue of Hustler. Alpha gets the teenagers, the cannoli, but doesn't have legal age ID to get the [[magazine]].
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==The Power Rangers==
 
==The Power Rangers==
===Jason aka José Canseco===
 
 
[[Image:RedRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|I'm José Canseco, Bitch!]]
 
[[Image:RedRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|I'm José Canseco, Bitch!]]
  +
===Jason aka José Canseco===
 
:''"Jason, bold and stunning. Stop [[masturbating]] to Alpha!"''
 
:''"Jason, bold and stunning. Stop [[masturbating]] to Alpha!"''
 
Jason, known as José Canseco to his military buddies, was the initial leader of the Power Rangers group. Assigned as the Red Ranger due to his impressive [[Tomato]] Sauce au Naturél recipe by Zordon, he also received the leading Zord, the [[Tyrannosaurus]]-X. Throughout his journeys in Power Rangers, he assisted in defeating numerous enemies and preventing Rita's attempts at destroying the Pizza Hut franchise, mainly the one owned by his [[Italian]] parents.
 
Jason, known as José Canseco to his military buddies, was the initial leader of the Power Rangers group. Assigned as the Red Ranger due to his impressive [[Tomato]] Sauce au Naturél recipe by Zordon, he also received the leading Zord, the [[Tyrannosaurus]]-X. Throughout his journeys in Power Rangers, he assisted in defeating numerous enemies and preventing Rita's attempts at destroying the Pizza Hut franchise, mainly the one owned by his [[Italian]] parents.
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:'''''Famous Line:''' "José Canseco don't get fucked by no crab!"''
 
:'''''Famous Line:''' "José Canseco don't get fucked by no crab!"''
   
===Trinity===
 
[[Image:TrinityGun.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Grow your monster Rita. I dare you.]]
 
 
[[Image:YellowRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|Saber-Toothed Dentist!]]
 
[[Image:YellowRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|Saber-Toothed Dentist!]]
  +
===Trinity===
  +
[[Image:TrinityGun.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Grow your monster, Rita. I dare you.]]
 
:''"Trinity, fearful and slow. Why did I choose you?!"
 
:''"Trinity, fearful and slow. Why did I choose you?!"
 
Trinity, known as the Matrix Gal, was the [[karate|martial arts guru]] of the Power Rangers group, teaching the others the art of Sannse, albeit unsuccessfully. She was assigned as the Yellow Ranger by Zordon because he's "racist, so shoot me. Oh wait, you can't!". With her martial arts and gravity-defying skills, she was a great asset to the team, especially when she was given a gun in season two (despite parental concern, ignored by [[FOX]]), replacing her plastic [[Chinese]] $2.99 Egg Roll Daggers. With her catch-phrase "Me love you long time!" she won the hearts of viewers.
 
Trinity, known as the Matrix Gal, was the [[karate|martial arts guru]] of the Power Rangers group, teaching the others the art of Sannse, albeit unsuccessfully. She was assigned as the Yellow Ranger by Zordon because he's "racist, so shoot me. Oh wait, you can't!". With her martial arts and gravity-defying skills, she was a great asset to the team, especially when she was given a gun in season two (despite parental concern, ignored by [[FOX]]), replacing her plastic [[Chinese]] $2.99 Egg Roll Daggers. With her catch-phrase "Me love you long time!" she won the hearts of viewers.
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:'''''Famous Line:''' "I don't get it."''
 
:'''''Famous Line:''' "I don't get it."''
   
===Billy Cranberry===
 
 
[[Image:BlueRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|Nerd Hat Tops!]]
 
[[Image:BlueRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|Nerd Hat Tops!]]
  +
===Billy Cranberry===
 
:''"Aim right above the fuel cells!"
 
:''"Aim right above the fuel cells!"
 
Billy Cranberry was the [[nerd]] of the Power Rangers group, always solving '''all''' the technical problems encountered by the Power Rangers, namely Alpha's constant [[Blue Screen of Death]] problem. He was continuously poked fun of by other members of the Rangers group until he got [[blowjob|laid]] by Bulk and Skull while [[drunk]].
 
Billy Cranberry was the [[nerd]] of the Power Rangers group, always solving '''all''' the technical problems encountered by the Power Rangers, namely Alpha's constant [[Blue Screen of Death]] problem. He was continuously poked fun of by other members of the Rangers group until he got [[blowjob|laid]] by Bulk and Skull while [[drunk]].
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<br clear=all>
 
<br clear=all>
   
===Kimberly Fart===
 
 
[[Image:PinkRangerMorpher.JPG|250px|thumb|[[UnTunes:You're Not Thinkerer!|PTHINKERER!]]]]
 
[[Image:PinkRangerMorpher.JPG|250px|thumb|[[UnTunes:You're Not Thinkerer!|PTHINKERER!]]]]
  +
===Kimberly Fart===
 
:''"Kimberly, graceful and cute. Lube my tube."''
 
:''"Kimberly, graceful and cute. Lube my tube."''
Kimberly Heart, the heart-throb of pre-adolescent boys, was the [[blonde]] of the Power Rangers group. In times where Billy Cranberry will be going on with his technobabble, Kimberly will always interrupt with a "huh", "what?" or "Durr". Her strengths come in her flexibility (not counting her "times" with Jason) and advanced bow weaponry in battle. She was considered the [[redshirt]] of the group, just without all the death. She had a relationship with Tommy Oliver to attempt to surpass Trinity in group seniority, but failed when, as stated by Tommy, "She bit too hard".
+
Kimberly Heart, the heart-throb of pre-adolescent boys, was the [[blonde]] of the Power Rangers group. In times where Billy Cranberry will be going on with his technobabble, Kimberly will always interrupt with a "huh," "what?" or "Durr." Her strengths come in her flexibility (not counting her "times" with Jason) and advanced bow weaponry in battle. She was considered the [[redshirt]] of the group, just without all the death. She had a relationship with Tommy Oliver to attempt to surpass Trinity in group seniority, but failed when, as stated by Tommy, "She bit too hard".
   
 
Kimberly was replaced by the hotter Katherine Hillard, as pre-adolescent boys were entering [[puberty]] and needed to learn what a [[boob]] was.
 
Kimberly was replaced by the hotter Katherine Hillard, as pre-adolescent boys were entering [[puberty]] and needed to learn what a [[boob]] was.
   
 
:'''''Famous Line:''' "Let go of me!"''
 
:'''''Famous Line:''' "Let go of me!"''
  +
<br clear=all>
   
  +
===Zordon===
  +
:''"I AM ZORDON. Wait... What do you mean who's Zordon??"''
  +
Zordon is some sort of fucking wizard. The guy was awesome until some mutha fucka came out of fucking space and stole him. Then The Power rangers went to space... it was pretty fucking stupid.
  +
However Zordon created the power and distributed it based on race. The typical asian was Yellow, the negro was Black, The Techie was Blue, The Girl was Pink and the leader, who was native american, was red. "No one will ever notice", my ass...
 
<br clear=all>
 
<br clear=all>
   
===Zachary Tailor===
 
 
[[Image:BlackRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|Black to the Future!]]
 
[[Image:BlackRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|Black to the Future!]]
  +
  +
===Zachary Tailor===
 
:''"Zach, clever and brave...bro."''
 
:''"Zach, clever and brave...bro."''
 
Zachary Tailor was the [[Token Black Guy]] of the Power Rangers group. In a time of increased focus on races in television, Zachary was chosen by Zordon to prevent lawsuits from local [[racism]] groups. Prior to Trinity receiving the main gun of the group, Zachary was the one who manned the missile and laser station on the Zords. When the going went tough, Zack would often exclaim something like "DAMN!" or "That's right, bitch" to confuse the enemy, then defeat them with a slice of his <s>gun</s> [[axe|power axe]]. According to Power Ranger fan groups, Zack was considered the sexiest Power Ranger next to [[User:Zombiebaron|that other sexy guy]].
 
Zachary Tailor was the [[Token Black Guy]] of the Power Rangers group. In a time of increased focus on races in television, Zachary was chosen by Zordon to prevent lawsuits from local [[racism]] groups. Prior to Trinity receiving the main gun of the group, Zachary was the one who manned the missile and laser station on the Zords. When the going went tough, Zack would often exclaim something like "DAMN!" or "That's right, bitch" to confuse the enemy, then defeat them with a slice of his <s>gun</s> [[axe|power axe]]. According to Power Ranger fan groups, Zack was considered the sexiest Power Ranger next to [[User:Zombiebaron|that other sexy guy]].
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<br clear=all>
 
<br clear=all>
   
===Tommy 'Twist' Oliver===
 
 
[[Image:GreenRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|Dragonshit!]]
 
[[Image:GreenRangerMorpher.jpg|250px|thumb|Dragonshit!]]
  +
===Tommy 'Twist' Oliver===
 
:''"Tommy, you cannot enter the Command Center without a Power Coin. Please insert one Credit."''
 
:''"Tommy, you cannot enter the Command Center without a Power Coin. Please insert one Credit."''
Tommy 'Twist' Oliver was the ratings-booster of the Power Rangers group, introduced in an [[redundancy|over-elaborate 5-part story]] to introduce his character. After he was freed from the tyranny of Rita Repulsa, he joined the Power Rangers as the Green Ranger, bent on ridding the world of [[global warming]] and saving the [[rainforest]]s. Anytime the Rangers would threaten to destroy plant life with their Zords during a battle, he would call upon his DragonZord to negotiate between Rita and the Rangers. This typically ended in failure and the DragonZord returning to its ocean base with some major league dents.
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Tommy 'Twist' Oliver was the ratings-booster of the Power Rangers group, introduced in an [[redundancy|over-elaborate 5-part story]] to introduce his character. After he was freed from the tyranny of Rita Repulsa, he joined the Power Rangers as the Green Ranger, bent on ridding the world of [[global warming]] and saving the [[rainforest]]s. Anytime the Rangers would threaten to destroy plant life with their Zords during a battle, he would call upon his Dragonzord to negotiate between Rita and the Rangers. This typically ended in failure and the Dragonzord returning to its ocean base with some major league dents.
   
Tommy Oliver was the longest lasting Ranger, and the oldest (which raised the television ratings of [[MILF|older women]]), lasting through many seasons. Despite all his appearances, he never retrieved the Dragon Dagger back from Jason, leaving the DragonZord in the ocean to rust and to never see its lover, Titanus, again.
+
Tommy Oliver was the longest lasting Ranger, and the oldest (which raised the television ratings of [[MILF|older women]]), lasting through many seasons. Despite all his appearances, he never retrieved the Dragon Dagger back from Jason, leaving the Dragonzord in the ocean to rust and to never see its lover, Titanus, again.
   
 
Tommy was also a master flute-dagger player,one of only four people worldwide to perfect [[Awesome|Stairway To Heaven]] on said instrument.
 
Tommy was also a master flute-dagger player,one of only four people worldwide to perfect [[Awesome|Stairway To Heaven]] on said instrument.
  +
  +
He was also the only ranger prone to losing his powers (although under certain circumstances, it wasn't his "[[sarcasm|fault]]"); except for Zeo, which is still a mystery unto itself.
   
 
:'''''Famous Line:''' "Like, peace dude, take a chill pill Rita..."
 
:'''''Famous Line:''' "Like, peace dude, take a chill pill Rita..."
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[[Image:LordZeddVision.jpg|thumb|left|When Lord Zedd used his 'Zedd Vision' to view 'certain' things, parents complained. The imagery was replaced with him looking for his next meal.]]
 
[[Image:LordZeddVision.jpg|thumb|left|When Lord Zedd used his 'Zedd Vision' to view 'certain' things, parents complained. The imagery was replaced with him looking for his next meal.]]
 
:"''THAT'S LORD ZEDD!''"
 
:"''THAT'S LORD ZEDD!''"
Lord Zedd was the offspring of Lordiness Why and Lord .Exe and was the direct superior in the Department of Evil and Fun of Rita Repulsa. When Rita was unable to defeat Pizza Hut and the Power Rangers with her predictable tactics, Lord Zedd arrived and took up shop, selling her land as well and making a new base.
+
Lord Zedd was the offspring of [[Why?|Lady Why]] and [[8.3|Lord.Exe]] and was the direct superior in the [[Uncyclopedia:Departure of Fun|Department of Evil and Fun]] of Rita Repulsa. When Rita was unable to defeat Pizza Hut and the Power Rangers with her predictable tactics, Lord Zedd arrived and took up shop, selling her land as well and making a new base.
   
 
His main ideal was just purely to defeat the Power Rangers, then turn Earth into one large Evil Empire [[sex]] slave corporation. His plan was thwarted when Rita returned to reclaim her territory with her lawyers. Instead of counter-countersuing, Zedd joined forces with Rita to destroy the Rangers once and for all. Before they could perform the final blow, the Machine Empire destroyed their base and sent them running to Alpha [[Gamma]] V to set up their own family cafe.
 
His main ideal was just purely to defeat the Power Rangers, then turn Earth into one large Evil Empire [[sex]] slave corporation. His plan was thwarted when Rita returned to reclaim her territory with her lawyers. Instead of counter-countersuing, Zedd joined forces with Rita to destroy the Rangers once and for all. Before they could perform the final blow, the Machine Empire destroyed their base and sent them running to Alpha [[Gamma]] V to set up their own family cafe.
   
:'''''Famous Line:''' "IT'S LORD ZEDD! NOW <s>DIE</s> PREPARE TO BE SENT TO ANOTHER DIMENSION!"''
+
:'''''Famous Line:''' "IT'S LORD ZEDD! NOW PREPARE TO <s>DIE</s> BE SENT TO ANOTHER DIMENSION!"''
   
 
==Episode Summaries==
 
==Episode Summaries==
  +
[[Image:Voltron_girl.jpg|thumb|152px|It's MORPHIN' TIME!]]
 
* One to three of the Rangers are trying to achieve something. May or may not involve Bulk and Skull.
 
* One to three of the Rangers are trying to achieve something. May or may not involve Bulk and Skull.
 
* Any number of the above mentioned Rangers will suddenly be attacked by Rita's minions. They're gray.
 
* Any number of the above mentioned Rangers will suddenly be attacked by Rita's minions. They're gray.
 
* They win this battle, usually. It's hard to tell.
 
* They win this battle, usually. It's hard to tell.
 
* There's a crisis. Red, Pink, Blue, Yellow and Black Ranger (RPBY&B) will meet with Zordon (not to be confused with Zaltar, Zordon's cousin) and be sent out to defeat an ugly monster. Green Ranger can't come, 'cause he has "limited power".
 
* There's a crisis. Red, Pink, Blue, Yellow and Black Ranger (RPBY&B) will meet with Zordon (not to be confused with Zaltar, Zordon's cousin) and be sent out to defeat an ugly monster. Green Ranger can't come, 'cause he has "limited power".
* Red Ranger shouts "MORPHIN' TIME!". They then do a campy little dance before pressing a button on what looks like a wristwatch, meaning they didn't have to do the dance in the first place. They then change into their "power armor", which consists of skin-tight garishly-colored spandex and a motorbike helmet.
+
* Red Ranger shouts "MORPHIN' TIME!". They then do a campy little dance before pressing a button on what looks like a wristwatch, meaning they didn't have to do the dance in the first place. They then change into their "power armor", which consists of skin-tight garishly-colored spandex with the magical power to not show a lump near the crotch.
 
* Japanese [[Super Sentai]] (pronounced "Souper Sent-aye") stock footage of monster fights...or American footage with EXPLOSIONS EVERY TIME THEY BREATHE.
 
* Japanese [[Super Sentai]] (pronounced "Souper Sent-aye") stock footage of monster fights...or American footage with EXPLOSIONS EVERY TIME THEY BREATHE.
 
* They fight the monster. They lose.
 
* They fight the monster. They lose.
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* Nobody expects this.
 
* Nobody expects this.
 
* The monster walks around without doing anything.
 
* The monster walks around without doing anything.
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[[File:Turboranger.jpg|thumb|left|262px|The Power Rangers. Note that the only one with a dick is the female one(yellow).]]
 
The following happen in any order -
 
The following happen in any order -
   
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| width="30%" align="center"| Hey, it's [[Zordon]]!
 
| width="30%" align="center"| Hey, it's [[Zordon]]!
 
| width="40%" bgcolor="#aaaaaa" align="center"| [[Image:White light 0175.jpg|200px]]
 
| width="40%" bgcolor="#aaaaaa" align="center"| [[Image:White light 0175.jpg|200px]]
| width="30%" align="center"| Who's the [[Jay Leno|big-chinned]] floating head in the tube?
+
| width="30%" align="center"| Who's the [[Jay Leno|big-chinned]] floating head in the tube? Is that who the Americans call Bulk?
 
|-
 
|-
 
| width="30%" align="center"| TOO SCARY FOR KIDS! METAL! BONES! VEINS! SUE!
 
| width="30%" align="center"| TOO SCARY FOR KIDS! METAL! BONES! VEINS! SUE!
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==Cast==
 
==Cast==
*[[Madonna]] as Rita Repulsa. [[Image:Voltron_girl.jpg|left|thumb|152px|When in peril the power rangers jump into action by forming a giant robot...that gets sidetrack when he sees little girls at wedings.]]
+
*[[Tom Cruise]] as gay giant robot
  +
*[[Madonna]] as Rita Repulsa.
 
*[[David Letterman]] as [[Lord Zedd]].
 
*[[David Letterman]] as [[Lord Zedd]].
 
*[[Jay Leno]] as [[Zordon]].
 
*[[Jay Leno]] as [[Zordon]].
 
*[[Bob Saget]] as the Blue Ranger.
 
*[[Bob Saget]] as the Blue Ranger.
 
*[[Mariah Carey]] as the Pink Ranger.
 
*[[Mariah Carey]] as the Pink Ranger.
  +
*[[Rudy Van Der Saniei]], as himself
 
*[[Martha Stewart]] as the Scented Light Aqua Turquoise Ranger.
 
*[[Martha Stewart]] as the Scented Light Aqua Turquoise Ranger.
 
*The voice of [[Vash the Stampede]] as the Asian Black Ranger, not to be confused with the Black Asian Ranger.
 
*The voice of [[Vash the Stampede]] as the Asian Black Ranger, not to be confused with the Black Asian Ranger.
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*[[David Suzuki]] as the Green Ranger.
 
*[[David Suzuki]] as the Green Ranger.
 
With special cameo appearances by:
 
With special cameo appearances by:
*[[Lewis Hamilton]] as Putty Patrol member #1, #2, #4, #5.
+
*[[Lewis Hamilton]] as Putty Patrol member #1, #2, #4.
 
*[[User:Famine|"Famine"]] as Putty Patrol member #3.
 
*[[User:Famine|"Famine"]] as Putty Patrol member #3.
  +
*[[User:Twister1337|"Twister1337"]] as Putty Patrol member #5.
 
*[[Lou Dobbs]] as a grumpy, socially-conservative old man calling for tighter border security between the earth and the moon.
 
*[[Lou Dobbs]] as a grumpy, socially-conservative old man calling for tighter border security between the earth and the moon.
  +
*The five new [[Daleks]] as the latest ranger team
   
==Other Items Un-Morphin' Related==
+
==2011 Revival==
   
  +
In May 2010, [[jew|Haim Saban]] (the original creator of the show) had bought back the rights to Power Rangers (whoot!), and thus brought the show back to life in the form of ''Power Rangers: Samurai'', which started airing on Nickelodeon (why?!) in February 2011. Despite the fact that the show should have been using the current Super Sentai footage, it's great to know that Bulk came back to the show after a 9-year absense.
  +
  +
==Other Items Un-Morphin' Related==
 
{{UnMedia}}
 
{{UnMedia}}
   
[[Category: Industrialists]][[Category: Conspiracies]]
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{{FA|date=17 November 2007|revision=2569056}}
[[Category:TV shows]][[Category:television]]
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[[Category:Superheroes]][[Category:Not Evil]]
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[[Category:American television series]]
[[Category:Men claiming paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's Daughter]]
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[[Category:Industrialists]]
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[[Category:Conspiracies]]
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[[Category:Superheroes]]
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[[Category:Not Evil]]
 
[[Category:Things George Bush doesn't care about]]
 
[[Category:Things George Bush doesn't care about]]
[[category:Rips Off Super Sentai]]
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[[Category:Rips Off Super Sentai]]
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[[Category:Things That Were Better in the 90s]]
   
 
[[es:Power Rangers]]
 
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[[pt:Power Rangers]]
 
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[[tr:Power Rangers]]
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[[zh-tw:金剛戰士]]

Latest revision as of 18:18, July 25, 2012

Bouncywikilogo10
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Power Rangers.
“Alpha, get me 5 teenagers with attitude, a cannoli, and the latest issue of Hustler! This is an urgent situation!”
~ Zordon on the Power Rangers

Power Rangers (aka Mighty Morphin' Wild Zeo Power Rangers Turbo Overdrive Force in Space II: Electric Boogaloo The Sequel the Series) was an award winning 16 season television series. The series follows the titulating adventures of a group of teenagers (none of whom are emo) as they cope with homework, bullies and rape; while they are called upon to do what the American military can't do: Deal with illegal aliens.

edit History

RitaRepulsaRatings

"AAAAA! At last! No more "13+" ratings!"

In 1992, NASA decided to demothball an Apollo spacecraft to purely de-mythify the Moon Landing Hoax. Upon arriving on the Moon, Apollo 23 discovered that the moon had an Earth-like sky and contained a disposed Pizza Hut dumpster. Although going completely against Houston's orders, they opened the dumpster to reveal Rita Repulsa and her fellow Pizza Hut employees. The fate of the astronauts and the revived Apollo is unknown due to a lack of mentioning of the United States government and its actions against Rita during the whole series.

The Pizza Hut manager who originally canned Rita, Zordon, now stuck in a transdimensional tube without a body, asks his robotic assistant, Alpha, to gather 5 teenagers with attitude, a cannoli, and an issue of Hustler. Alpha gets the teenagers, the cannoli, but doesn't have legal age ID to get the magazine.

With their new-found powers, the teenagers, the Power Rangers, battle Rita's monsters while keeping their identity secret and humiliating their local bullies through means that distract parents from the violence in the episodes.

edit The Power Rangers

RedRangerMorpher

I'm José Canseco, Bitch!

edit Jason aka José Canseco

"Jason, bold and stunning. Stop masturbating to Alpha!"

Jason, known as José Canseco to his military buddies, was the initial leader of the Power Rangers group. Assigned as the Red Ranger due to his impressive Tomato Sauce au Naturél recipe by Zordon, he also received the leading Zord, the Tyrannosaurus-X. Throughout his journeys in Power Rangers, he assisted in defeating numerous enemies and preventing Rita's attempts at destroying the Pizza Hut franchise, mainly the one owned by his Italian parents.

On various occasions, Jason would have to homesit Alpha while Zordon was out of his tube coordinating Pizza Hut deliveries from his local call center in a secret room in the Command Center. Jason considered this chore to be tedious due to Alpha running on a Windows 3.1 system.

Jason was replaced as leader by Tommy Oliver after losing a bet at the Angel Grove Race Track, moving to number two spot, gladly giving up his job as the Command Center babysitter.

Famous Line: "José Canseco don't get fucked by no crab!"
YellowRangerMorpher

Saber-Toothed Dentist!

edit Trinity

TrinityGun

Grow your monster, Rita. I dare you.

"Trinity, fearful and slow. Why did I choose you?!"

Trinity, known as the Matrix Gal, was the martial arts guru of the Power Rangers group, teaching the others the art of Sannse, albeit unsuccessfully. She was assigned as the Yellow Ranger by Zordon because he's "racist, so shoot me. Oh wait, you can't!". With her martial arts and gravity-defying skills, she was a great asset to the team, especially when she was given a gun in season two (despite parental concern, ignored by FOX), replacing her plastic Chinese $2.99 Egg Roll Daggers. With her catch-phrase "Me love you long time!" she won the hearts of viewers.

Trinity was replaced by Aisha Campbell after she received a contract for a major movie trilogy that was released some years after her replacement.

Famous Line: "I don't get it."
BlueRangerMorpher

Nerd Hat Tops!

edit Billy Cranberry

"Aim right above the fuel cells!"

Billy Cranberry was the nerd of the Power Rangers group, always solving all the technical problems encountered by the Power Rangers, namely Alpha's constant Blue Screen of Death problem. He was continuously poked fun of by other members of the Rangers group until he got laid by Bulk and Skull while drunk.

Billy Cranberry was one of the longest lasting original Rangers, due to his expertise in hacking into Rita Repulsa's server, allowing the Rangers to defeat her monsters the same way every week. He had to leave the Rangers when he suffered from uromisotisis poisoning when he realized Zordon didn't install toilets in his new command center.

Famous Line: "I think I landed on my dick."


PinkRangerMorpher

PTHINKERER!

edit Kimberly Fart

"Kimberly, graceful and cute. Lube my tube."

Kimberly Heart, the heart-throb of pre-adolescent boys, was the blonde of the Power Rangers group. In times where Billy Cranberry will be going on with his technobabble, Kimberly will always interrupt with a "huh," "what?" or "Durr." Her strengths come in her flexibility (not counting her "times" with Jason) and advanced bow weaponry in battle. She was considered the redshirt of the group, just without all the death. She had a relationship with Tommy Oliver to attempt to surpass Trinity in group seniority, but failed when, as stated by Tommy, "She bit too hard".

Kimberly was replaced by the hotter Katherine Hillard, as pre-adolescent boys were entering puberty and needed to learn what a boob was.

Famous Line: "Let go of me!"


edit Zordon

"I AM ZORDON. Wait... What do you mean who's Zordon??"

Zordon is some sort of fucking wizard. The guy was awesome until some mutha fucka came out of fucking space and stole him. Then The Power rangers went to space... it was pretty fucking stupid. However Zordon created the power and distributed it based on race. The typical asian was Yellow, the negro was Black, The Techie was Blue, The Girl was Pink and the leader, who was native american, was red. "No one will ever notice", my ass...

BlackRangerMorpher

Black to the Future!

edit Zachary Tailor

"Zach, clever and brave...bro."

Zachary Tailor was the Token Black Guy of the Power Rangers group. In a time of increased focus on races in television, Zachary was chosen by Zordon to prevent lawsuits from local racism groups. Prior to Trinity receiving the main gun of the group, Zachary was the one who manned the missile and laser station on the Zords. When the going went tough, Zack would often exclaim something like "DAMN!" or "That's right, bitch" to confuse the enemy, then defeat them with a slice of his gun power axe. According to Power Ranger fan groups, Zack was considered the sexiest Power Ranger next to that other sexy guy.

Due to the fact that Zack was Black, and was the Black Ranger, racism jokes was on the top of the list of things to avoid by the Power Rangers, right after Zordon's bedtube.

Famous Line: I be lovin' me some grits!"


GreenRangerMorpher

Dragonshit!

edit Tommy 'Twist' Oliver

"Tommy, you cannot enter the Command Center without a Power Coin. Please insert one Credit."

Tommy 'Twist' Oliver was the ratings-booster of the Power Rangers group, introduced in an over-elaborate 5-part story to introduce his character. After he was freed from the tyranny of Rita Repulsa, he joined the Power Rangers as the Green Ranger, bent on ridding the world of global warming and saving the rainforests. Anytime the Rangers would threaten to destroy plant life with their Zords during a battle, he would call upon his Dragonzord to negotiate between Rita and the Rangers. This typically ended in failure and the Dragonzord returning to its ocean base with some major league dents.

Tommy Oliver was the longest lasting Ranger, and the oldest (which raised the television ratings of older women), lasting through many seasons. Despite all his appearances, he never retrieved the Dragon Dagger back from Jason, leaving the Dragonzord in the ocean to rust and to never see its lover, Titanus, again.

Tommy was also a master flute-dagger player,one of only four people worldwide to perfect Stairway To Heaven on said instrument.

He was also the only ranger prone to losing his powers (although under certain circumstances, it wasn't his "fault"); except for Zeo, which is still a mystery unto itself.

Famous Line: "Like, peace dude, take a chill pill Rita..."

edit Villains

edit Rita Repulsa

RitaRepulsa

YES GOLDAR! YES!

"I got a headache! Somebody give me some acetaminophen, codeine or something!"

Rita Repulsa was the main villain of the Power Rangers. Originally a Pizza Hut delivery driver, after failing to make 10 deliveries in a row, and threatening to bomb the Hut, her manager, Zordon, threw her into the dumpster and launched it into space, at the expense of the company. When she was released from her dumpster in the late 20th century, she focused her attention on destroying Pizza Hut, then to take over Earth. Along with her minions, she launched numerous attacks of the exact same magnitude in the exact same area every time against the Rangers when they were fully awake and ready for battle. Rolling Stones Magazine rated her tactics as "Predictable as a Star Trek rerun."

When her new superior, Lord Zedd, found out about her failures, he married her purely for the profits of selling her primetime Moon land area. After selling the land, he put her in another dumpster and threw her out into space. She sued Zedd later for legal shortcomings from the marriage.

Famous Line: "Why won't my plants growwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?!"

edit Lord Zedd

Lord Zedd

Not Zee! Zedd!!

LordZeddVision

When Lord Zedd used his 'Zedd Vision' to view 'certain' things, parents complained. The imagery was replaced with him looking for his next meal.

"THAT'S LORD ZEDD!"

Lord Zedd was the offspring of Lady Why and Lord.Exe and was the direct superior in the Department of Evil and Fun of Rita Repulsa. When Rita was unable to defeat Pizza Hut and the Power Rangers with her predictable tactics, Lord Zedd arrived and took up shop, selling her land as well and making a new base.

His main ideal was just purely to defeat the Power Rangers, then turn Earth into one large Evil Empire sex slave corporation. His plan was thwarted when Rita returned to reclaim her territory with her lawyers. Instead of counter-countersuing, Zedd joined forces with Rita to destroy the Rangers once and for all. Before they could perform the final blow, the Machine Empire destroyed their base and sent them running to Alpha Gamma V to set up their own family cafe.

Famous Line: "IT'S LORD ZEDD! NOW PREPARE TO DIE BE SENT TO ANOTHER DIMENSION!"

edit Episode Summaries

Voltron girl

It's MORPHIN' TIME!

  • One to three of the Rangers are trying to achieve something. May or may not involve Bulk and Skull.
  • Any number of the above mentioned Rangers will suddenly be attacked by Rita's minions. They're gray.
  • They win this battle, usually. It's hard to tell.
  • There's a crisis. Red, Pink, Blue, Yellow and Black Ranger (RPBY&B) will meet with Zordon (not to be confused with Zaltar, Zordon's cousin) and be sent out to defeat an ugly monster. Green Ranger can't come, 'cause he has "limited power".
  • Red Ranger shouts "MORPHIN' TIME!". They then do a campy little dance before pressing a button on what looks like a wristwatch, meaning they didn't have to do the dance in the first place. They then change into their "power armor", which consists of skin-tight garishly-colored spandex with the magical power to not show a lump near the crotch.
  • Japanese Super Sentai (pronounced "Souper Sent-aye") stock footage of monster fights...or American footage with EXPLOSIONS EVERY TIME THEY BREATHE.
  • They fight the monster. They lose.
  • They morph back and metaphorically talk about the conflict from the beginning. The monster stands around in the same area, proclaiming terror and not doing much while the Rangers plan. The Power Rangers morph back and apply their lessons to fighting monsters.
  • They combine their weapons and fire some beam. They get a good hit in, but Rita interferes, throws her staff thing down from the sky and says "GROW!". The enemy grows to precisely the size of the Ranger's Zords.
  • Nobody expects this.
  • The monster walks around without doing anything.
Turboranger

The Power Rangers. Note that the only one with a dick is the female one(yellow).

The following happen in any order -

  • RPBY&B will jump into an toy robot made out of dinosaurs. This is always as big as the fully grown monster.
  • Green Ranger arrives. He blows his dagger-whistle. Green Ranger's toy robot, also a dinosaur, arrives and fights alongside the other toy robot.
  • Sometimes the monster will kick the shit out of their blown out of proportion toy robot dinosaur and they all combine into an even bigger and more blown out of proportion toy robot dinosaur. Otherwise they use a cheap plastic sword that appears from lightning to kill the monster.
  • Sometimes their even bigger and more blown out of proportion toy robot dinosaur will get it's ass kicked and will step onto this titanium scooter and fire electric sparks. Otherwise, they drill a hole in the monster causing it to explode in a fury of electrical sparks and fire.
  • Something fortunate happens. The monster dies. (this is generally rare due to lack of interest in non-violent deaths of enemies)

After the enemy dies -

  • The plot from the beginning comes to a conclusion.
  • There's a moral, Nobody pays attention to it.
  • Bulk and Skull do something funny/stupid. (optional, usually involves messy food)
  • The city that was partially levelled in the fight is rebuilt overnight, sleeping soundly despite the fact the same event happens every time "Kids Up In The Attic" comes on.

edit Power Rangers' Theme Song

The Power Rangers' Theme Song is the single most important piece of music ever. The very essence of all existence is captured in this short but very precise song. Having the almighty Slash play this reaffirms the power of this song. To deny this power is to deny God himself.

edit Irregularities Between the American and Japanese Rangers

Little do people know is that Power Rangers is based off a Japanese show and uses sentai and robot scenes from it. Unfortunately, with all remakes, the Americans mess up with something...

The Americans The Japanese
Hey, it's Zordon! White light 0175 Who's the big-chinned floating head in the tube? Is that who the Americans call Bulk?
TOO SCARY FOR KIDS! METAL! BONES! VEINS! SUE! Lord Zedd What a pathetic excuse for an inserted villain!
ROFLMFAO! Dfd6f2ab298f36a4887ed6e0563d23 Darn Americans, screwing with our show.
Hey, it's that floating head dude that appears every-so-often. Lokar Cool! It's Great Satan who was called upon by Bandora from Hell to wreak havoc on Earth!
That's news to me... Zordpwned I remember that! That's when Dora Talos totally destroyed the robots, destroying one of Daizyujin's arms and the Guardian Beast Dragon Caesar's tail! Man, too bad Bandora's son died in the Dora Talos mecha, made her lose her power, which ended up with her being locked away and never be seen again until she turned good.

edit Cast

With special cameo appearances by:

  • Lewis Hamilton as Putty Patrol member #1, #2, #4.
  • "Famine" as Putty Patrol member #3.
  • "Twister1337" as Putty Patrol member #5.
  • Lou Dobbs as a grumpy, socially-conservative old man calling for tighter border security between the earth and the moon.
  • The five new Daleks as the latest ranger team

edit 2011 Revival

In May 2010, Haim Saban (the original creator of the show) had bought back the rights to Power Rangers (whoot!), and thus brought the show back to life in the form of Power Rangers: Samurai, which started airing on Nickelodeon (why?!) in February 2011. Despite the fact that the show should have been using the current Super Sentai footage, it's great to know that Bulk came back to the show after a 9-year absense.

edit Other Items Un-Morphin' Related

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