Portal:Film

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Film portal.

Film noir 0028
Film is a term that encompasses individual motion pictures, the field of film as an art form, and the motion picture industry. Films are produced by recording images from the world with cameras, or by creating images using animation techniques or special effects.

Film is an important mechanism; films entertain, misguide, confuse, and distract audiences, thus producing a society of sheep that industry and politics require on to keep those dollars rolling in. However, to avoid panic, it's commonly just lumped under the category of art.

The visual elements of cinema need no translation, giving the motion picture a universal power of communication. This is why that breasts, explosions, and car chases are as deeply cherished and understood in the United States as they are in Wherethefrickistan.

Films are also artifacts created by specific cultures, which reflect those cultures, and in turn, affect them. It is commonly agreed however that none of these will be worth digging up and featuring in the Smithsonian, regardless of the number of years old.

Traditional films are made up of a series of individual images called frames. When these images are shown rapidly in succession, a viewer has the illusion that motion is occurring. The viewer cannot see the flickering between frames due to a combination of physiological and psychological effects. One is known as persistence of vision — whereby the eye retains a visual image for a fraction of a second after the source has been removed. The other is known as hooch — whereby audiences sneak in potato vodka and other homemade alcohol under their jackets, to save money at the concession and to increase the enjoyment of the movie.

The origin of the name "film" comes from the fact that photographic film (also called film stock) has historically been the primary medium for recording and displaying motion pictures. Many other terms exist for an individual motion picture, including picture, picture show, photo-play, flick, and most commonly, movie. Additional terms for the field in general include the big screen, the silver screen, the cinema, and the movies.

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Breakfast1
A Day In the Life of Armond White is a 3rd person novel written by a Rolling Stones editor as part of a story. The books details encounters with people by skilled film critic Armond White and his reactions to these situations. Hailed by critics, one wrote "a different tone...we rarely see someone so laughable". The entire text is preserved below:

Foreward

In a strange, roundabout way, we can all relate to Armond White. The stuffy Englishman from the 1940s, the high class man at the Opera...all of the things that seem like they don't belong can be traced back to Mr. White. In this book, provided by Mr. White's personal journals, we detail what it would be like to be Armond White for a day. I hope you enjoy this book as much as I laughed while writing it.

Armond's alarm buzzed on his dresser. Grudgingly, he got up from his bed. Another day with the minimalists and capitalists that are destroying the movie industry, he thought. After putting on his clothes, he ascended the stairs to his kitchen.

"Honey!" His wife called. "I made you breakfast before you go to work. What do you think?"


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Doctor Zhivago
Doctorzhivago

In Sovet Россия, Zhivago Doctors YOU!

Image theft credit: Ogopogo

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Main Page FADE IN

EXT. LONDON STREET - DAY

From high above the bustling city, the
foreboding calm of a breezy Alfred
Hitchcock day looms. Slowly
approaching street level, the sights
and sounds of a busy, bright London
day fill the eyes and ears.

At length, a lone sheet of paper - an
Uncyclopedia article about a great
English suspense film maker - flaps
in the breeze, stuck temporarily in
the damp gutter.

Presently, the wind carries the article
away. It slaps at the face of a busy
London commuter as he tries in vain to
hail a taxi. He bats at the article in
frustration and it flies away.

        COMMUTER
    Taxi!

He checks his watch.

A young lad tugs at his coat. The
man impatiently brushes him away -
but the lad is persistent.

        COMMUTER
    What is it, boy? I'm late for
a meeting!

        LAD
    Please sir. I wondered if you
have seen an article flying past
in this wind.

        COMMUTER
    A what? 


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  • Nicolas Cage started life as Nicholas Coppola, but became known by his current surname because famous film director Uncle Francis Ford Coppola used to keep him confined for protection. Ours. There's no official explanation as to how he was released, but the results have only confirmed Coppola's original wisdom.


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