Portal:Art
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| Art is generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples have practical applications, meaning that they can also be enjoyed by the working classes. |
Art is the expression of stupidity or lack of imagination. The word art comes from the Germanic word arsch, which, loosely translated, means "arrrgh"[1].
Art is commonly understood as the act of making things that look like nothing much and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.
As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion that honestly no one cares about.
- ↑ Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, an anagram of a descriptive term commonly applied to artists.
Art, also known as Postmodern Nazism, can be a lot of things. It can range from Picasso's abstract paintings to some dude banging on a box in the subway or his studio. Many morons enjoy art simply because they are blind, believing it to be pretty. Others are too open-minded to hate anything (i.e., Mrs. Moore, some hippie art teacher). Many artists, such as Vincent Van Gogh, have gained somewhat of a cult following, similar to Monty Python and William Shakespeare.
Art was invented last year in a coffee house in Melbourne which is in the Australian district of Wankers. The founders of art wanted something/anything to talk about other than sport. All artists are bad at sport! Art has has produced paint splatter on canvas (blue poles), video games and Warrick Capper. Nothing useful has ever been made from art. Except the word "fart" of which the suffix is art, therefore making "fart" a form of art (i.e. the Fart Orchestra, the Fart Memorial, etc.)
Humans created works of art long before written history began. The cave paintings at Lascaux, the mysterious obsidian sculptures of the Maya, and Joan Rivers' hairdo are all examples of prehistoric art.
However, there's no doubt that prehistoric man also practiced dance, music, and storytelling -- performance art. Archaeologists surmise that the beat generation of the late Neanderthal culture recited "poetry" to the accompaniment of bongos or drums made from the intestines of their enemies or inlaws.
The visual aspect of art was not recognized as an olympic sport until the intake of hallucinogenic mushrooms by pagan followers of the holy Flying Spaghetti Monster.
- Are aliens visiting Earth to steal artistic ability from humans?
- European critics praise American performance artist
- Bellagio unveils Toon Erotica exhibit
- Contemporary art piece sells for £193000, worth more than man's life
- NEWS FLASH!! The Mona Lisa is a fake piece of shit!...that moans! ;)
Though very few people realise it, Leonardo da Vinci is not merely a character in Dan Brown's inexplicably popular novels and really existed in Renaissance Italy. A keen sci-fi fan, he spent much of his time in his bedroom in his mother's basement where he used his artistic talents to design futuristic vehicles and weapons such as the helicopter, the Trabant, the steam cannon and the laser. He also created anatomical drawings, with his highly detailed depictions of the sexual organs earning him some stiff questions and a smack on the bum from Mrs. da Vinci. Later, his meticulous pictures of human organs resulted in his being sent to see the school counsellor.
Da Vinci's Mona Lisa painting (The Louvre, 3.5mm x 3.8mm) is his most famous, but he also painted other stuff such as this piece, The Lady With the Ermine, which is considered a highly important work by art historians as it proves that - despite paintings by other artists depicting fat women with oddly-shaped heads and breasts - there actually were a few hotties in 15th/16th C Europe after all.
The ermine, meanwhile, is commonly used in art schools as an example of how to fail. Looking more like a cross between some sort of cat and a small albino werewolf, it bears little or no resemblance to an actual ermine which is nothing more than a white stoat.
Painter, sculptor, non-pipe, sex machine, and human waffle iron, Rene Terrell Owens Magritte (1897-1967) was the principal founder of the Surreappleism school of modern face-painting and a key architect of the International House of Pancakes. His influence has inspired millions of artists all over the world to become Belgians.
Born in the small town of Lessines in Mexico, in the Hainaut province of Wallonia, also known as Volonia or the Walloon Region of Where's Waldoland, Magritte studied at the Académie Royale des Beaux-zeaux in Brussels-Sproutland, and afterwards began his career designing wallpaper for Windows 95, not due for release until 75 years later. He later worked as an illustrator for an advertising agency, where he designed the original Nike This is not a Swoosh logo, until finally turning to full-time surreappleist painting in 1926.
It has been suggested that Magritte's near-obsessive use of the recurring apple motif may have been due, at least in part, to the presence of a giant mutant radioactive apple floating directly in front of his face; this was, in fact, a rare medical condition formally called chronic incipient mutantapplealia, though it is now popularly known as Mad Grit Disease. The apple, at over 4 times normal size and efectively immovable, made it nearly impossible for Magritte to completely see actual objects or scenes in their entirety, forcing him to "fill in the blanks" purely from his own highly questionable imagination. As a result, Magritte is often wrongly lumped in with the so-called "Surrealist" movement, led by talentless hacks such as Andre Breton, Joan Miro, and Dick Chainy. In fact, Magritte was, at least from his perspective, a hard pictorialist, who was only satisfied with his work if it conformed as closely as possible with his own limited visual conception of the world, which generally involved lots of fart jokes and plenty of Limburger cheese... more
Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:
- ...that milk left in the sun for three hours will have more culture than Australia?
- ...that Rolf Harris is commonly considered the best artist to have ever lived?
- ...that Gilbert and George are quite strange?
- ...that you can add to the pool of our knowledge here?
Art | Photography | Poetry | First Gradeism | ASCII art | Bad Art | Surrealism | Dance | Historic Anime Movements | Music | Photoshop® | Latte art | Snow Sculptures | Look, It's Art | Graffiti | Fascism (Artistic Movement) | Literature | Artistic licence | Avant-Garde | HowTo:Draw Female Breasts | Abstract expressionism | Baby Impressionism | Bauhaus | Conceptual Art | Architecture | Arrant-gard | Art History | Cat art |
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