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“0mG 1'm g0nn4 pwn dat Poring1!1!1!111”
“OmG 17 5t0l3 mine 3qu1pps!111!!1!1!”
“I just like them, that's all...”
“System failure. Recommend reboot.”
The Poring is a non-existant creature, featured in the unpopular game Ragnarok Online. It also had a star role in many popular animes and video games, such as Star Wars (where it was genetically manipulated into a big, green, slimey creature).
Some say the Poring was created when the game developper was smoking Maplestory, and saw the Slime monster walking by. This is, in fact, not true. The real method of development was as such:
1) Developper is walking down the street.
2) Aliens come in a UFO and suck him in.
3) Aliens tie him up to a table.
4) Developper has his first sexual experience with an anal probe, and also has every single thing he had on him removed, leaving him helpless and naked.
5) Anal probe resembles a pink, slimy creature.
6) Developper returns to Earth and decides to let the world know of the existence of aliens.
7) Developper smokes too much pot.
8) Developper creates the Poring monster.
There is no debate possible about this, as everyone supports this theory fully.
Even though the Poring is one of the most common monsters and can be found wherever you look, its powers are amazing none the less. Should you ever have an encounter with a Poring, do not attempt to fight it. Instead, run away before it notices you. If it does notice you, it will hop behind you, making sure that every time you kill something, it gets to the items before you can and then stores the items in its tummy. The only way of retrieving the item is to kill the Poring, which is nearly impossible because of its incredibly high HP. If the Poring is in a bad mood, it will suck every single item you have out of your inventory, and then proceed to strip you off your equipment. All of it. Once you are butt-naked, it will summon your spouse, who will then go "y helo thar buttsekz? LOLOLOL". See the Ragnarok Online article to find out how to deal with him/her.
edit Type of monster
Fortunately, the Poring is not an aggressive monster, in that it will not do any damage to you unless you provoke it. Instead, it falls under the passive category, meaning that it'll only come after you when you anger it. In order to anger it, you can use several techniques. Popular techniques involve shooting an arrow at it, throwing a burning leaf at it, hitting it with a blunt butter knife (while thinking it's actually a bigass 2H sword), making ice cubes fall from the sky and hitting it, or using Katars to make a cut in your own arms. Either way, it'll end in a drama. Angering a Poring will cause it to hop in your direction and body slamming you, taking off 2 HP every time. Seeing as it is an incredibly durable monster (it IS made out of jelly, after all), it'll take hours before either of you is dead. Around 99% of the time, the Poring will be the winner of the fierce battle.
If it kills you, it will proceed to take every single item you have on you away from you. Even your equipment. After it's done doing that, it will summon your spouse, who will go "y helo thar buttsekz? LOLOLOL". If you are female, your spouse will rape your dead body. In that case, you must quickly click respawn to escape. If you are male, she will turn you over, only to find that that piece of equipment is also gone.
After its death, it'll blow up, leaving several items. These include a small piece of jelly, a weird liquid, and often several pieces of equipment. If you are lucky, you can collect those items. If you are not lucky, a second Poring will come out and take everything that has been dropped on the floor with it.
There aren't any. except those 9 other variations.