Porcelain Altar
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The Porcelain Altar is an important spiritual shrine for Christians.
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[edit] Location
The location of the Porcelain Altar is a closely guarded secret in the Christian Community. Many young christians go on a spiritual pilgrimage (see later) to find it. There are rumours that strange hidden signs may be seen on streets around the world with directions to the Porcelain Altar.
[edit] Pilgrimage
Every year thousands of young people go on a pilgrimage to find the Porcelain Altar, this is often done on the person's eighteenth birthday. It is a highly ritual affair that is usually started in the early evening.
The ritual begins by consuming large amounts of an alcoholic beverage. Any such drink will do, in biblical times wine was usually used nowadays lager is probably the most frequently used drink.
After the correct amount of the drink has been consumed (usually around 3 am) the pilgrim is ready to pray at the Porcelain Altar. The amount to be consumed varies from person to person, there is no specified amount but the pilgrim always knows when the time is right for them to go and pray at the Porcelain Altar.
[edit] Praying at the Porcelain Altar
Once the pilgrim finds the Porcelain Altar they will kneel down on the floor in front of it, lay their hands upon it and lower their head to it. They will then commence chanting "Oh God! Oh God!" repeatedly until such time as they feel sufficiently close to their Lord.
The whole experience is extremely personal and moving. In fact most people praying at the Porcelain Altar are physically sick they are so moved by the ritual.
[edit] The Porcelain Altar in Modern Society
Praying at the Porcelain Altar is a joyous occasion for all involved. Parents of young pilgrims are often heard to remark things along the lines of "Well, thank God they made it here!" whilst watching their offspring pray.
Pilgrims often find their friends have taken photographs of them praying at the Porcelain Altar (but only if they have really good friends.
Praying at the Porcelain Altar is a common way to pass the evening among students and other young people, dispelling myths that the youth of today isn't religious and lacks morale guidance.
[edit] Biblical References
"And Lo! Jesus did turn the water into wine. It was a joyous occasional and all drank much wine. By the morning many of the disciples and other guests had been praying at the Porcelain Altar."
--Mark 3:10
