Poop Cuisine

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For those obsessed with so-called-experts, Wikipedia has an article about:
Poop Cuisine.

Food from Poop?

There are many lovely dishes that can be made exclusively with poop. During the war, people discovered the great advantages of eating their excrements. Successful poop cuisine preparation depends a great deal on the quality of the poop, as well as detailed attention spent in the presentation of the dish. Displayed below are several examples of popular poop dishes.

File:CHOCOLATE-PUDDING.JPG
CHOCOLATE-PUDDINGPOOPOO

Square Turd surrounded by Poop Mousse

CHOCOLATE-PUDDINGTOO

Hot Poop Pudding

Ingredients: Varieties of Poop

Of course, not every dish can have any kind of poop, that would just be a load of shit. Every poop must be carefully selected before preparation, and divided into one of the following categories:

Poo4dummies

Poop Cuisine for the Culinarily Challenged

Soft and easy

Of course, this one's the all time's favorite, and every chef loves it when he can use it on his special dishes. It's usually used to make the most astounding desserts, like Moose Mousse, Poopsicles and Crappe Frappe.

Dur et Dur: Constipated Fecoliths

A bit on the savory side, this poop variety is more commonly incorporated into the main course. It is rarely used in a dessert. Occasionally, for breakfast, it may be served as a side item in the same manner one might serve sausage or bacon.

Geesh: Quasi-diarrheic/Diarrhea

Quality geesh makes a divine ganache, and goes well with ice cream, cake, tortes, along with a number of other dessert items. It can also be used as a sauce for Hard and hard based meals. Legend has it that geesh posseses powerful aphrodisiac qualities, though the author is unaware of any scientific studies substantiating these claims.

"I can't believe it's not Poop"

Faux rubber poops, often sold in novelty shops. These poops should be discarded as they are inappropriate for food preparation.

Poocake

Delicious turdcake with diarrhea on the side

Poop Emerges in the Commercial Food Industry

Schnering's Baby Ruth

File:Babyruth.jpg

In addition to the many Poop dishes commonly prepared in the home, there a number of commercially prepared poop food items available in the food industry today, the most ubiquitous being the Baby Ruth candy bar. The percentage of actual poop content in this venerable brand has fluctuated a great deal since it was first introduced to consumers almost a century ago. Otto Schnering, founder of Curtiss Fine Candies and creator of the Baby Ruth candy bar, demanded that all bars bearing the Curtiss name contain at least 75% genuine organic poop if they were to go to market. In the mid 1920’s Schnering went on a great publicity blitz; flying over major U.S. cities and dropping candy bars from the sky. Throughout the remainder of his life, rather than referring to him by his Christian name, people simply called Schnering The Flying Dookie.

In 1981, when Curtiss Candy was acquired by the Nestlé company, the poop content in the bars dropped to down into the 2-3 % range. The primary reason was that in relocating the factory, laying off a majority of Curtiss employees or forcing them into early retirement, nobody was able or willing to share the Baby Ruth Candy Bar recipe with their new parent company. Nestlé reverse engineered the bar, but decided to leave out much of the valuable poop that made this candy bar so unique. Sales plummeted, and it wasn’t until a huge outcry from consumers that Nestlé agreed to raise the poop content up to an acceptable level: 51%. Sadly Nestlé never did adopt the 75% poop content standard originally set by Otto Schnering.

Bean-Burrito

51% Poop

Taco Bell's "Bean Burrito"

In today's fast food industry the most well known food item made from poop is Taco Bell's bean burrito. Taco Bell, following the Nestlé standard, states that all of their bean burritos must contain at least 51% poop if they are to be sold to the public. [The remaining 49% of the burrito is made up of a variety of filler items including pinto beans, onions, guar gum, and taco sauce.] Though Taco Bell's product doesn't have the same history behind it as the Baby Ruth candy bar, it is yet another example of successful commercially produced Poop Cuisine.

Interestingly, one of Taco Bell's first mass promotional campains involved giving any customer who pulled up to the drive-thru in a crapmobile a free bean burrito.

Eating Poop: The Health Benefits

Elijah-Wood-Consumes-Feces

Elijah Wood's Shit-Eating Grin

Got-poop

It's healthy and it tastes good.!

One of the most exciting developments, in modern times, is the scientific validation of what poop eaters have known for millennia: eating poop makes you happy. Independent double-blind studies, performed in the United States, Germany and the Philippines, have provided evidence that consumed fecal matter acts as a powerful selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor somethingorother with comparable efficacy rates to prescription medications such as Prozac or Paxil. This, combined with a remarkably low incidence of harmful side-effects, led to a significant increase in poop consumption worldwide starting in the late 20th century, continuing up to the present day.


When consumed in large quantities on a daily basis over an extended period of time, poop can elevate ones mood to the point that one enters a state of undifferentiated bliss. It is fairly easy to determine when someone attains this level of poop consciousness due to the telltale shit-eating grin.

Coprophageous Quotations

  • "That poop is yummy in my tummy!!" ~ Carman
  • "Dude! I've got a serious shit buzz right now." ~ Elijah Wood

External Links

See Also


Spinquisition


NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

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