Polonium 210

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Polonium 210 is carefully stored in protective food packaging


Alpha Pac-Man radiation under an electron superduper science thingy microscope

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Polonium in its stable form

Polonium 210 (IPA: /pə(ʊ)ˈləʊniəm/ 210) is a radioactive substance and is sometimes called balonium 210, a special kind of novelty sausage that is 210mm in length. Its colour is green and is extremely light as the internal nucleus is dislocated into a form much similar to helium. Polonium 210 is eaten in sandwiches and in specially prepared sushi bars, and is an excellent show stopper when it glows bright blue due to the absolutely 100% safe alpha radiation it emits. It occurs naturally in nuclear reactors, particle accelerators and enemies of Vladimir Putin.

edit Unique Properties

It has certain psychological properties, much like how gold makes people feel rich. Polonium 210 on the other hand make people feel ill and has the uncanny ability to make people claim they are a secret agent being killed by their own government; or can make people totally hysterical about their health when they feel they have been in its presence. Under normal circumstances people should feel honoured by its majestic ability to tap into the force of the universe, and is taken as an aphrodisiac and as an alternative medicine to kino-therapy.

edit Radiation Type

Polonium 210 is an alpha Pac-Man emitter which means that tiny congealed Pac-Men throw themselves from microscopic catapults, and this type of radiation can be stopped by any household containers shaped like coloured ghosts, but make sure they don't contain big sized peas, as this will make the container melt as the Pac-Men make the pea radioactive.

edit Stable Polonium

Polonium 210 is very poor at video games. For example, it took 138.376 days to complete Half-Life. Then in shame it decomposed into the Polonium form, depicted at right. Queen Elizabeth the Second decided to produce the product 'Polo' when she discovered a gap in the market (which also included the hole!), thus making Polonium the most praised of all elements.

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