Politics of Singapore
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“YOU CAN DO NOTHING TO STOP ME. MUAHHARHARHARHAR!!!”
“Tyranny rocks, you white imperialist pigs! All places in the UNIVERSE should be like Singapore and my sacred land!”
Politics in Singapore is, well, like Singapore, very boring and not worth talking about. All there is is, well, a communist one-party system, unfair elections where the results are faked and, idiotically, the mass brainwashing of people. These were all created by self-proclaimed king Lee Kuan Yew, who controls everything, so that he and his puppets could ensure that they would continue to be the supreme rulers of the tiny and barely noticeable island of Singapore, which most people regard as a total joke.
edit The tyrannical government
edit The way Singapore is governedSingapore follows a communist one-party system, in which all Singaporeans are properties of the supreme ruler Lee Kuan Yew, and his puppets. Lee Kuan Yew and his puppets are a "political party" called the "Proud Arrogant Puppets", or the "PAP", although the mindless people of Singapore think it stands for "People's Action Party". This party, which rules Singapore with an iron fist, strives to use all means possible to subdue their enemies. The methods used by the PAP range from ones as childish as throwing baskets of rotten tomatoes at a hapless victim to severe ones, such as using either the corrupt army or themselves to brutally beat opposition leaders to death. The PAP is also known for randomly murdering people, resulting in Singapore having one of the highest mortality rates in the universe. The reason for 100% of these murders is unknown, as only a few organisms in the entire universe have witnessed these murders, and of these, nearly 100% of them are bacteria, and only a few are human.
edit The Laws
The laws are tools used by the PAP to allow them to do whatever they like. The people are given no freedom and rights at all, and the PAP is allowed to do anything they like, such as randomly murdering and kidnapping people. Lee Kuan Yew initially wanted Singapore to be a lawless military state, but he felt that that would be extremely boring, so he decided to make some shitty laws to make things more interesting and also to increase his authoritarian power. An example of a Singaporean law is the so-called Internal Security Act (ISA). This law, passed by puppet emperor Lee Hsien Loong, allows the PAP to randomly recruit foreign people to go on a killing rampage, and whoever kills the least number of people would receive a fine of S$ 4 trillion and receive 5000 strokes of the cane in 1 minute before being culled. Since this law was implemented, Singapore's reputation as a fine tourist destination has declined, and the competency of the PAP has been in doubt.
edit The "elections"
Elections in Singapore are just total crap. They are unfair and the results are faked. The elections were created by Lee Kuan Yew in order to appease the already brainwashed Singaporeans so that they would be more easily exploited by him.
edit Before an election
Before an election, there would be a "cooling off day". This day is infamous as all Singaporeans are forced to stay in their homes "to think about who to elect" while being bombarded by X-rays. However, this day is most infamous for being the time where the PAP hunts down opposition leaders and members and deport them to Zimbabweland, where they are killed by Robert Mugabe for entering his sacred country.
edit During an election
During an election, the people of Singapore are invited to a random building, where they are hypnotised by members of the PAP. They are then led to a "polling station" in the building to throw pieces of scrap paper into a box. After that, they are escorted out of the building by the retarded and pro-government Singaporean Mafia, which nearly all Singaporeans fear.
edit After an election
After the election, the pieces of scrap paper thrown into the box by the people are burnt and the ashes blown into neighbouring countries for no reason, where they cause air pollution. Lee Kuan Yew and his fellow puppets then think of a convincing election result, and then the state-owned and state-controlled media broadcasts the "election results". This way of faking election results has been met with much disgust from the world, especially from aliens. However, Lee Kuan Yew does not give a damning shit about it as long as he and his puppets stay in power.
edit Mass brainwashing of people
The mass brainwashing of people is the major factor in the so-called success of Lee Kuan Yew's tyrannical dictatorship. This ensures that the people of Singapore do not know or care about anything other than him and his orders because they are too brainwashed to do so.
edit How the mass brainwashings are carried out
Firstly, Lee Kuan Yew would self-replicate and produce clones of himself. These clones would then break into the homes of unsuspecting Singaporeans. Then, these clones would beat the living shit out of these people with a stick and then use the pain inflicted to try to force the Singaporeans to accept mind-control. After all that, these clones, using their mind control over the helpless Singaporeans, would then brainwash them totally as demanded by "the superior and divine" Lee Kuan Yew. The reason why Lee Kuan Yew does not want to do it personally is still a mystery. Perhaps he is lazy and wants to idle in his palace all day long doing nothing but throwing tantrums. Another method implemented by the PAP is using fake soccer matches. The people would be cunningly tricked into going into a large and noisy stadium and watch a soccer match which does not exist. Once the large stadium is completely filled, the "referee" would hypnotise the people into believing that the Lee Kuan Yew and his retarded and shitty PAP is "all powerful".
edit Results of the mass brainwashings
Wait a moment, who the hell has just popped up?
Relax, and let's ignore him for now. He has no weapons. Besides, what he is saying is utterly wrong, typical of brainwashed Singaporeans. Anyway, these mass brainwashings are regarded as a total success by Lee Kuan Yew, who oversees this crappy operation. However, a small percentage of Singaporeans, which happen to have strong wills, managed to resist Lee Kuan Yew's brainwashing programme and remain in full control of their minds. These people then realised how "shitty and useless" the PAP really is and were inspired to revolt. They formed opposition parties (see below), which continue to bother the PAP till this day.
edit Opposition PartiesMost opposition parties in boring Singapore are short-lived, as they are quickly destroyed by the barbaric PAP. But, against all odds, several opposition parties have managed to survive: one of them is the Worker's Party, which was formed in 2010.
edit PAP's reaction to opposition partiesUpon hearing about the presence of more than 3 opposition parties in Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew shouted "WAAAAAA!!!" and started crying like a sissy. He then picked up one of his numerous clones, named him "Lee Hsien Loong", which is "Son of a Great Dragon" in Singlish, and placed him as puppet emperor in a bid to cause the opposition parties to lose orientation and start behaving like a bunch of idiots. However, this turned out to be the most epic failure in the history of the universe, as it not only had no effect on the opposition parties, it also inspired them to work harder as they saw Lee Hsien Loong as a sign of weakness and despair in their enemy, the PAP.
Several years later, in 2011, the Worker's Party knocked all the stuffing out of the PAP by freeing 2 Singaporeans from the useless brainwashing and mind-control of the PAP. An outraged and crying Lee Kuan Yew then ordered all his puppets to hunt down the leader of the Worker's Party, which he labelled as a terrorist. However, his puppets, which were hopelessly idiotic and demoralised, killed the wrong person, who turned out to be a key ally of Lee Kuan Yew and his clones. They then tried to kill him all over again but could not do so as he was dead. Fortunately for the puppets, Lee Kuan Yew immediately forgot all about the opposition parties and started to party in a lame manner, in the process wasting his time and allowing his puppets to wage a shitty civil war on each other, as they try to decide which of them was responsible for their failure to kill a dead ally of Lee Kuan Yew. This war continues to this day, with no end in sight.
edit The PAP and its history
The PAP is the most successful party in Singapore, having existed for 60 years, but that is because almost all the other parties have been destroyed by it. It currently has only two key allies: Robert Mugabe and the president of China; a third one had been wrongly murdered by its members. There have been many incidents that have tarnished the PAP's reputation, and these are partially responsible for the PAP's lack of allies. These incidents can also let you better understand how politics in Singapore works.
edit Reporter Slaying Incident
Singapore is well-known for its absolutely lousy healthcare and hygiene, and the mortality rate of hospital patients is 100%. However, the PAP refuses to acknowledge this fact. One day, when a BBC reporter confronted him with evidence of the high mortality rate among hospital patients, an embarrassed Lee Hsien Loong shouted "The people are replaceable! Stop insulting me, you bitch!" and killed the BBC reporter on the spot with a pistol. However, this incident is still almost unknown to the public, as there was only one witness, who became so traumatised that she committed suicide shortly after.
edit Puppet Betting IncidentThe PAP has long been criticised by opposition parties for passing ridiculous laws, such as the ISA, that helps it and itself only, and also for its extensive use of brainwashing to stay in power. However, the PAP denies this, saying that the opposition parties are full of bullshit and noobs. In order to prove this point and make the PAP appear more superior, one of the puppets of Lee Kuan Yew bet the opposition parties its life that the aliens would call them idiots. However, the puppet was soon found destroyed on an alien spaceship after the aliens criticised the PAP for betting with and criticising the opposition. Upon hearing this, Lee Kuan Yew flew into a terrible rage. He got so angry that he had to go for extensive quack surgery in China (the quack doctors in Singapore are to cowardly to operate on him), leading to further tarnishing of the PAP's already pathetic reputation and the build-up of shit in Lee Kuan Yew. Ironically, this incident has temporarily saved the PAP (see next section).
edit The Great PAP Civil War and its effects on the PAP
In 2011, which was several years after the puppet betting incident, the puppets of the PAP waged civil war as already mentioned. This war is the bloodiest war among puppets known to history although there were only 3 casualties. This is because it is the only war among puppets ever. In fact, at first glance, the war looks just like a petty fight. This war has further tarnished the PAP's reputation, and it is also threatening to tear the PAP apart. The only reason why the PAP still exists is because of Lee Kuan Yew. If a severe injury is inflicted upon Lee Kuan Yew, his clones would commit suicide and the puppets would split the PAP apart like typical dickheads would, effectively ending the PAP. This is why the opposition parties of Singapore are trying to get Lee Kuan Yew to throw a terrible tantrum, like he did after the disappointing puppet betting incident. However, Lee Kuan Yew is too full of shit from the quack surgery and as a result has too little power to throw such a terrible tantrum, unknown to the opposition parties. This has saved the PAP temporarily.
edit Imminent end of the PAP
Despite this, the PAP will soon end after Lee Kuan Yew has suffered enough damage due to the shit that he has after undergoing quack surgery. However, it is not known when this would happen. One thing that is certain is that Lee Kuan Yew would only hibernate and not die, as he is an immortal, but it would take at least 20 years for Lee Kuan Yew to get out of his hibernation, which is enough time for the PAP to destroy itself totally. Interestingly, neither Lee Kuan Yew's puppets nor his clones and the PAP know about this, as they are too preoccupied with boring stuff that only losers do and mass brainwashings on the order of Lee Kuan Yew.