Politically Correct

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First of all, if you're a retard, or Asian, piss off. Thank you. Now then, political correctness is a form of constrained expression, based on the valid idea protected under principles of a civilized society proposed by progressive elements of society and empathic and sociable interest groups to promote civilized behavior and prevent exclusion towards minorities, disadvantaged members of society, and fellow human beings outside of one's own particular society. This responsible code of conduct prevents offensive or otherwise undesirable projections towards persons of specific demographics.

It is slightly more popular than other forms of constrained writing, such as palindromes, omitting the letter "e" or "your mom" poetry. The most common definition is that it is a form of writing where political incorrectness also known as the truth is outlawed. Political incorrectness is extremely offensive to minorities, gays, disabled people, and women. The reason for this is because these people are wussies and can't handle the truth. A bunch of gutless, cowardly liberal politicians, (predominantly Democrats), invented Political Correctness (PC for short) in order to win votes and protect people's wussy feelings.

Political correctness is also defined as the act of altering the wording of a statement that refers to a certain group of people so that they feel better about themselves; for example foreigners and overweight people. However, over time, society has decided that the truth is rude and unacceptable, so we are made to sugar-coat reality.

Political correctness is generally considered a taboo trait, but the Daily Mail, shown to the right (the extreme right), has supported the practice of political correctness for many years now.

It is defined by politically correct people as follows...note the way that no possible entity in this universe could possibly be offended, except maybe the blind or illiterate:

Political correctness is making sure not to offend any ~~person~~ ~~human~~ ~~living~~ thing that is capable of ~~thinking~~ ~~feeling~~ existing.

The movement for political correctness has spent many years researching the most neutral way to address a group of people, without stepping on any toes. Phrases such as "souls", "brothers and sisters", "carbon-based lifeforms", "sentient protein chains", "spatial distinctivenesses", "not-self" and "friends" have all been found insensitive. originally the word "Love" was the only universally acceptable form of communication, but it was found this could be used to insult an individual by expressing it to everyone BUT them, those wishing to conform to current standards of acceptability, should follow the guidelines of shut up you fucking nazi!!!

Political Incorrectness activists frown on the term 'politically incorrect', seeing it as politically correct in the same way they see pretty much everything they don't like. It was therefore universally agreed that they shall henceforth be known as 'cunts'.

[edit] Examples

Politically Incorrect	Politically Correct
Bad	Morally Exotic
Stupid Atheists	Freethinking Intellectuals
Woman	Genitally-Inverted People
Man	Genitally-Outverted People
Pimp-mobile	Culturally responsive transport
Useless, Lazy, health-budget-draining, Fat people	Livemore
Indecent Exposure	Jamie Lee
Ugly	Aesthetically Challenged
Midgets	Vertically Challenged
Fat midget bastards	Bidimensionally Challenged
Useless old people	Chronologically Advanced
Bum	Financially Challenged
Republican	Humanity Challenged
Democrat	Opinion Challenged
Half-homo	Metrosexual
Ho	Sex worker
Slut	Promiscuous Woman
Prostitute	Financially compensated reproductive organ stimulation assistant
Cunt	George W Bush
Player	Male sex worker
Cunt Flaps	Squids favourite
Sodom	San Francisco
Retard	Intellectually special
Censorship	Selective Speech
Jesus Christ/Jesus/Christ	Ross Peachment(or is it...)
Dead	Vitality Challenged
Gamers	Socially challenged
Uncyclopedia Editors	Extremely socially challenged
Wikipedia Editors	Suicidally socially challenged
Food
Cattle Ranch	Moo-schwitz-Burger-nau
Crunchy Nut Cornflakes	Crunchy Testicle Cornflakes
Deep-fried shit factory	McDonald's
Root beer	Sexual intercourse beer
Peanuts	Urine testicles
Spotted Dick	Acne Penis
Meatloaf	Penis Excrement
Disability
Arrogant assholes	Neurotypical syndrome
Idiot	Michael Moore
Religious Wingnut	Jerry Falwell
Blind	Visually challenged
Deaf	Audially challenged
Crippled	Physically immobile
Annoying	Twelve Year Olds
Race
Black	Pigmentally diverse
Coons	Koories
Leprechauns	Irish
Cheese-eating surrender monkeys	French people
Colored People	People Of Color
Stupid call centre pricks	Indians
Jew	Jew
Wops, Dagos and Guinees	Italians (considered "white" and a race!)
Criminals	Lawfully Challenged
Boongs	Indigenous Australians
Whingeing fops	Tories
White trash	white peoples' waste
Rednecks	Toby Keith
Niggers
Lard-arsed nationalistic trigger-happy religious pricks	American
Crumpet eating pussies	Complaining Britons
Imperialists	Russians
Illegal Immigrants	Mexicans
Orientals	Asian People
Politics
Slaughter of innocent people	Jihad
Hearts and Minds of the people	The stuff they don't show you on CNN
Torture	Extraordinary rendition
War on Terror	Intrusion of Muslims' rights
Morons	Iranians, Mormons
Abortion	Near Life Experience
Pro-life	Anti-choice
Pro-baby killing	Pro-choice
Electoral Fraud	Voting Irregularities
Pussies	Democrats
Psychopaths	Democrats
Civilized People	Modern Christians
Uncivilized People	Modern Muslims
Phrases
Any joke.	"A non-prejudiced white heterosexual male walked into a bar and got arrested because he made a facetious comment. What a narrow-minded oppressing asshole! I hate white heterosexual males. And Jews."
"Baa baa black sheep"	"Baa baa ethnically-diverse sheep
"Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs"	"Snow Caucasian And The Seven Vertically Challenged People"
"Every Tom, Dick and Harry"	"Every Tom, Penis and Harry"
"Pot calling the kettle black"	"Marijuana calling the kettle pigmentally different"
"Your momma's so fat..."	"Your Home Engineer is so full-figured..."
"Black coffee"	"Rainbow coffee"
"I think political correctness has gone mad"	"I am a bigot"
"Rusty and dented heap"	"Metallurgically challenged late model automobile"
"Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!"	"Sex worker, sex worker, sex worker! Merry Festive Period, if you are not a Christian we respect your life choices. But you do get presents..."
"Dot or Feather?"	"Indian-American or American Indian?"
Religion
Terrorists	peace un-inclined Muslims
The Nativity Scene	The holiday home deprived family
Bible bashers	Christians
Repressed Homosexuals	Evangelicals
Jew	Jew (it's a race and a religion!)
Religious nuts	People of faith
Morons	Mormons (it's a religion and a separate Christian sect)
Goths, Emos, Satanists and Witches.	Pagans
Cult	Scientologist
Christmas	Non-specific wintry gathertime in which people spend horrendous ammounts of money because 'its the spirit' of things
People
Dennis Prager	Sanity impaired
Jack Thompson	Asshole
Gary Glitter	Paedophile

[edit] Rules to remember

Only white males are required to be politcally correct.
It's only racist if white people say it.
All native populations lived in absolute idyllic happiness until White people showed up.
Societal aspects like slavery and imperialism are immoral when white people do it, but when anybody else does it then it is "cultural differences."
If somebody is making life harder for women then they're being oppressive.
If somebody is making life easier for women then they must be assuming women are weak and need help.
Find any excuse you can to write a nasty letter to a TV station, newspaper, or other such media outlet for alleged displays of political incorrectness.
- For instance, "this page is offensive to people who don't like lists. How could you be so insensitive?"
When you see Christmas decorations, the first thing you must think of is all the disenfranchised non-Christians.
Bitch and cow are politically incorrect as they compare people to animals, and if you use these terms then you are a male chauvinist pig.
Severely chastise people if they are eating any living thing (no, plants and ugly animals like fish don't count).
NEVER criticize a politician who is not a white Christian male. Doing so makes you a hateful pig.
Even if it is technically true, it is racist and therefore politcally incorrect (for example, "filthy Jew" is offensive, even if used to describe a Hebrew who never showers).
If a book, TV show or other entertainment source depicts a minority character that isn't perfect in any way, then they are perpetrating unfair stereotypes.
It is okay to harshly criticize the worldviews of white men, Christians, and Republicans. They are all bigots, so their opinions make them biased.
- If anybody tries to point out hypocrisy in this, tell them that they're horrible racists.
Using the term "African-American" is offensive because they might not identify themselves as Africans.
Using the term "American" to describe a person from the US is offensive to people from Canada, central and South Americans.
Using the term "black" is also offensive for some reason.
The Lord of the Rings is racist because white wizards are better than any others.
Pianos are racist because the white keys are bigger.
Tell others how to be politically correct and nag them excessively about how it's wrong to preach about one's worldview.
Look up any word in the dictionary. If you try hard enough, you will find some kind of xenophobic connotations.
Be ready to accuse people of saying something offensive after every sentence.
Find a hidden racist history behind every insult known to man. The phrase "heebie-jeebies?" Make up something about it being related to Jews, even though it isn't. In fact, go ahead and make every seemingly innocuous insult offensive to Jews.
Use the word "tolerance" excessively, even though the word usually implies only reluctant acceptance. Remember, that kind of logic only applies to hateful white men, not to you.
Even if your family just moved to the US a generation ago, you are just as responsible for slavery as every other white person in the US.
The best way to create racial understanding is to single out people of different races and have them discuss race issues. Nothing helps a problem like making people think about it and discuss it.
Even if a group isn't offended (which of course isn't possible, such as how we all know how horribly offended African Americans are when they're called "black") it's the job of every white person to stick up for them as if they're sticking up for themselves.
Never, under any circumstances, use the word "hate." For instance, instead of saying, "I hate this horrible migraine," say, "I strongly do not agree with the actions and point of view presented by this migraine."
NEVER discuss gender differences, you may be "sexist" and women think you hate them. Wrong...you love women, that's why you wanna flirt with one, but that's now considered "sexual harrassment" and be lucky you're not fired, sued or registered a "sex offender".

By following these rules and using the chart above, we can turn the world into a utopia where the only criticisms are directed at white Christan male southerners and where the entire language has been replaced by completely non-offensive wording!

[edit] Example of Politically correct Q & A session

Q: WHAT IS P.C.?

PC stands for Politically Correct. We of the Politically Correct philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures, race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles. Political Correctness is the only social and morally acceptable outlook. Anyone who disagrees with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.

Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC?

Being PC is fun. PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way of life! The PC movemeent offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social evils of centuries of oppression.

Q: HOW DID THE PC MOVEMENT HAPPEN?

This was part of the Cultural revolution of the 1960's and "Open mindness" that grew in the 1970s, now known as the "second age of ignorance". By the 1980's, it was the "in thing" to become workplace policy in the 1990's, and now it's the law of the land, in the bible or sketched in our heads.

Q: I AM A WHITE MALE. CAN I STILL BE PC?

Sure. You just have to feel very guilty.

Q: WHY?

If you are a white male, your ancesters were responsible for practically every injustice in the world ...slavery, war, genocide and plaid sportcoats. That means that YOU are partially responsible for these atrocities. Now it is time to balance the scales of justice for the decendants of those individuals whose ancestors your ancestors pushed down.

Q: HOW?

It's simple. You've got to be careful what you say, what you think, and what you do. You just don't want to offend anyone.

Q: YOU MEAN I SHOULD GUARD AGAINST OFFENDING ANYONE?

That's right. Being offensive is destructive, and will not make the world a harmonious utopia, like in John Lennon's IMAGINE.

Q: HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC?

Oh, there are lots of ways. For example, why buy regular ice cream when you can buy ``Rain Forest Crunch?

Segrega ... whoops ... separate all of your garbage into different containers: glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic, etc. Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals. Try to find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your teeth at the same time. Then don't let the water go down the drain, use it to irrigate your lawn. Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden. Don't use aerosal. By all means, don't burn American Flags! If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part! Don't do drugs. You should listen to at least one of the following PC musicians: U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang. Harrass people who wear fur coats. Remind them that an innocent baby seal was mercilessly clubbed. Or just yell, ``FUR. They hate that.

And don't EVER eat meat.

Q: DON'T EAT MEAT? WHY NOT?!

Cows are animals, just like humans are animals. That means that they have rights. When you eat meat, you're oppressing animals!

Q: SO ALL KILLING IS BAD?

No, not always. Sometimes killing can be justified, like in the Persian Gulf. You have to be able to tell when an animal has rights, and when it doesn't.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS?

The general rule is as follows:

   IF AN ANIMAL IS RARE, PRETTY, BIG, CUTE, FURRY, HUGGABLE, OR LOVABLE, THEN IT HAS RIGHTS.

Examine the following lists:

RIGHTS: Cows, cute bunnies, dolphins in tuna nets, whales, red squirrels, harbour seals, pandas, dogs, cats, all non-White/Caucasian Humans and mice.

NO RIGHTS: Cockroaches, rats, tuna in tuna nets, flies, sharks, grey squirrels, loggers, barnacles, Native Americans and lobsters in high-end restaurants.

Q: WOW. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC?

Hug a tree. Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what gives flavour to our great country. Get in touch with your sexual identity. Check your refrigerator for freon leaks. Subscribe to National Geographic. Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes. After you read it, use the paper as an alternate fuel source.

Q: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL OF THIS.

If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember. YOU ARE RIGHT. It's that simple. You are right.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC?

Good question. It's important to know when someone is saying something insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society. The

guideline is as follows:

    Is the confrontation between two white people?
    The liberal is right.
    Is the confrontation between a white person and someone pigmentally different?
    The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.

Here's a fun practice drill for you: See how many newspaper articles you can make into race bias stories. It's fun! Some PCers are so good they can make the weather report look like a KKK pamphlet! Or a workplace sensitivity training class like Nazi indoctrination courses! ZEIGH HEIL! Oops...that's offensive to Jewish people...or is it People of the Jewish religion...or Jewish ancestry?

Q: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC?

It all depends on the situation. If you are not in a position of authority, by all means report this activity immediately to whomever is in charge. If your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90's, she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender disciplined.

Q: BUT ISN'T THAT CENSORSHIP?

The Constitution never meant for racism, sexism and insensitivity to be espoused by anyone. That's not what free speech is about. Some call it censorship. PCers call it ``selective speech. Saying something negative about a particular race or gender is just as damaging as, say, punching them in the face. We just can't allow that kind of verbal assault.

Q: I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT PC WORDS TO REPLACE ``BLACK, ``INDIAN, ETC.

Yes. That's part of the PC movement. You see, part of the way we think about people comes directly from the words we use to describe them. Take "black"' for instance. Why should a person be judged by the color of their skin?

Q: YOU MEAN THEY SHOULD RATHER BE JUDGED BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER?

No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors are from. If your great-grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, or wherever, then you should be identified by that fact. You can even apply for special scholarships!

Q: I'M A MIXTURE OF FRENCH, GERMAN, ENGLISH, AND RUSSIAN. CAN I GET ONE?

No, there are no scholarships for any of those. Sorry. If you are a woman, however, there should be plenty.

Q: HEY, WOULDN'T A WHITE PERSON FROM LIBYA OR EGYPT, OR SOUTH AFRICA TECHNICALLY BE AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN?

Technically, yes. But that's not the kind of African-American we mean. That is, we're REALLY talking about skin color, but we're pretending that we aren't. Another example: a white South-African U.S. immigrant is not an African-American either.

Q: WHY DO THE PC HAVE TO HYPHENATE EVERYONE, BUT NO SINGULAR TERM "AMERICAN"?

Well...the right-wingers are known to fight hard to preserve racism, promote the official use of racial categories, ethnic insensitivity by insisting all ethnic groups become "Americanized" and ethnic discrimination against "Non-Americans" by espousing patriotism. This is what the Nazis did: Nationalists, but we left out the notion they were Socialists, as in their original name: National Socialists. Also we don't use the word "Nazi" that may offend (time to be PC): Jewish-Americans, German-Americans, Polish-Americans, African-Americans, and other "Non-White" Americans. You gotta remember the Krauts are Nazis, they are fat stupid blonde blue-eyed white swine.

Q: HOW CAN I LEARN TO MAKE MY LANGUAGE MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT?

See The Thinking Man's Reference of Politically Correct Terms.

Q: I'D LIKE MY CHILD TO BE PC. WHAT CAN I DO?

Well, for one thing, we should forcibly encourage students to volunteer their time with philanthropies. Also, we should re-emphasize non-Western perspectives on history. Finally, we should re-structure tests and quizzes to reflect cultural biases.

Q: I DON'T GET IT.

Well, the way the system works now, "select"' under-represented minorities who tend to do worse on entrance tests have lower standards of admissions at school and work and receive preferential treatment. This is unfair and wrong.

Q: IT IS?

Yes. The truly PC way to do it is to have a different grading scale for different groups which gives or subtracts points from the final score, depending on who is taking the test. If you are white, then you have been benefited by society during your life. That means that you lose ten to fifteen points to make the test fair to everyone else.

Q: UHH ... I GUESS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.

It IS right. That's the beauty of PC.

Q: WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF?

Humor. PC people take every comment VERY seriously. We will not accept any comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it could be a racial slur.

Q: GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.

"What's black and white and red all over? has been staple humor for decades. Not PC - it can be taken the wrong way.

In every day speech, try to use phrases like, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle African-American. Any racial jokes or jokes even mentioning culture or gender should be omitted. True, this mostly limits comedy to the level of sitcoms, but that's the price you pay for social equality.

Likewise, get used to using the word "gender" (PC people don't like the word "sex"' as it has confusing connotations) but we're trying to abolish the scientific classification of humans into "genders", as well we have transsexuals, transgendered people and transvestites.

Q: IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?

Yes. The Politically Correct belief is essentially a recognition that people are diversely equal. We rejoice in this equality by treating people differently based on their equal individuality. Hop aboard the bandwagon . . . Be PC. Or you're a stupid redneck piece of white trash, you racist, sexist insensitive pig.

[edit] The More "We" Know

Does anyone remember the 30-40 second PSAs on NBCTV in the 90s?

Save the Earth, it's the only one with chocolate.
No Smoking, I don't care if you're standing outside.
Don't bring your religion into the workplace...if you're a Protestant Christian that is, everyone else is fine.
Remember, you're not "retarded" you're "special".
We are people with the same skin color, but if you're White you don't get affirmative action and if you're 1/8 black, we call you an "African American".
Don't say "man", "woman" or "child", we are "persons".
Never question authority, that's so politically incorrect, you "right-winger".
Don't label people...unless they are ignorant idiots, they are.
Men: Please be there as fathers, Women: Keep screwing and become single mothers.
Don't say "Stupid", No name-calling and let's not fight: Peace man, don't be hatin' and GROUP HUG (except you don't do that either, male chauvinistic "sex offender").