“That dress makes you look like an Afghan whore.”
“I'd rather be right than politically correct.”
Political correctness is a form of constrained writing. It is slightly more popular than other forms of constrained writing, such as palindromes, omitting letter "e" or "your mom" poetry. The most common definition is that it is a form of writing where political incorrectness also known as the truth is outlawed. Political incorrectness is extremely offensive to minorities, gays, disabled people, and women. The reason for this is because these people are wussies and can't handle the truth. A bunch of gutless conservative politicians, (predominantly Republicans), invented Political Correctness (PC for short) in order to win votes and protect people's wussy feelings.
Political correctness is also defined as the act of altering the wording of a statement that refers to a certain group of people so that they feel better about themselves; for example foreigners and overweight people. However, over time, society has decided that the truth is rude and unacceptable, so we are made to sugar-coat reality.
Political correctness is generally considered a taboo trait, but the Daily Mail, shown to the right (the extreme right), has supported the practice of political correctness for many years now.
The movement for political correctness has spent many years researching the most neutral way to address a group of people, without stepping on any toes. Phrases such as "souls", "brothers and sisters", "carbon-based lifeforms", "sentient protein chains", "spatial distinctivenesses", "not-self" and "friends" have all been found insensitive. originally the word "Love" was the only universally acceptable form of communication, but it was found this could be used to insult an individual by expressing it to everyone BUT them, those wishing to conform to current standards of acceptability, should follow the guidelines of shut up you fucking nazi
Political Incorrectness activists frown on the term 'politically incorrect', seeing it as politically correct in the same way they see pretty much everything they don't like. It was therefore universally agreed that they shall henceforth be known as 'cunts'.
|Politically Incorrect||Politically Correct|
|Pimp-mobile||Culturally responsive transport|
|Useless, Lazy, health-budget-draining, Fat people||Full-figured|
|Dirty minger||Hygenically challenged|
|Fat bastards||Horizontally excessive|
|Fat midget bastards||Bidimensionally challenged|
|Useless old people||Biologically Advanced|
|Dick van Dyke||Penis van Lesbian|
|Prostitute||Financially compensated reproductive organ stimulation assistant|
|Cunt||Vagina (or Politician)|
|Player||Male sex worker|
|Homeless tramp||Locationally challenged|
|Crunchy Nut Cornflakes||Crunchy Testicle Cornflakes|
|Deep-fried shit factory||McDonald's|
|Root beer||Sexual intercourse beer|
|Arrogant assholes||Neurotypical syndrome|
|Religious Wingnut||Jerry Falwell|
|Colored People||People Of Color|
|Stupid call centre pricks||Indians|
|White trash||white peoples' waste|
|Whingeing poms||Complaining Britons|
|Slaughter of innocent people||Collateral damage|
|Hearts and Minds of the people||The stuff they don't show you on CNN|
|War on Terror||Intrusion of Muslims' rights|
|Abortion||Near Life Experience|
|Electoral Fraud||Voting Irregularities|
|Civilized People||Modern Christians|
|Uncivilized People||Modern Muslims|
|"Baa baa black sheep"||"Baa baa ethnically-diverse sheep"|
|"Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs"||"Snow Caucasian And The Seven Vertically Challenged People"|
|"Every Tom, Dick and Harry"||"Every Tom, Penis and Harry"|
|"Pot calling the kettle black"||"Mariguana calling the kettle pigmentally different"|
|"Your momma's so fat..."||"Your Home Engineer is so full-figured..."|
|"Black coffee"||"Rainbow coffee"|
|"I think political correctness has gone mad"||"I am a bigot"|
|"Rusty and dented heap"||"Metallurgically challenged late model automobile"|
|"Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!"||"Sex worker, sex worker, sex worker! Merry Festive Period, if you are not a Christian we respect your life choices. But you do get presents..."|
|"Dot or Feather?"||"Indian-American or American Indian?"|
|The Nativity Scene||The holiday home deprived family|
|Jew||Jew (it's a race and a religion!)|
|Religious nuts||People of faith|
|Christmas||Non-specific wintry gathertime in which people spend horrendous ammounts of money because 'its the spirit' of things|
|Dennis Prager||Sanity impaired|
|Muhammad Ali||Anything that will not be of offense to Prophet Muhammad and a teddy bear|
List of People who are Politically Incorrect
- Jon Stewart
- Rick Mercer
- Stephen Colbert
- Don Cherry
- Mel Gibson
- Ralph Klein
- George Bush
- Michael Richards
- Richard Dawkins (Richard Dawkins has his own brand of political correctness - "religious correctness")
- Sam Harris (ditto)
- Dave Chappelle
- Carlos Mencia
- Jade Goody
- Boris Johnson
- Prince Phillip
Example of Politically correct Q & A session
Q: WHAT IS P.C.?
PC stands for Politically Correct. We of the Politically Correct philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures, race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles. Political Correctness is the only social and morally acceptable outlook. Anyone who disagrees with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.
Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC?
Being PC is fun. PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way of life! PC offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social
evils of centuries of oppression.
Q: I AM A WHITE MALE. CAN I STILL BE PC?
Sure. You just have to feel very guilty.
If you are a white male, your ancesters were responsible for practically every injustice in the world . . . slavery, war, genocide and plaid sportcoats. That means that YOU are partially responsible for these atrocities. Now it is time to balance the scales of justice for the decendants of those individuals whose ancestors your ancestors pushed down.
It's simple. You've got to be careful what you say, what you think, and what you do. You just don't want to offend anyone.
Q: YOU MEAN I SHOULD GUARD AGAINST OFFENDING ANYONE?
That's right. Being offensive is destructive, and will not make the world a harmonious utopia, like in John Lennon's IMAGINE.
Q: HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC?
Oh, there are lots of ways. For example, why buy regular ice cream when you can buy ``Rain Forest Crunch?
Segrega . . . whoops . . . separate all of your garbage into different containers: glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic, etc. Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals. Try to find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your
teeth at the same time. Then don't let the water go down the drain, use it to irrigate your lawn. Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden. Don't use aerosal. By all means, don't burn American Flags!
If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part! Don't do drugs. You should listen to at least one of the following PC musicians: U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang.
Harrass people who wear fur coats. Remind them that an innocent baby seal was mercilessly clubbed. Or just yell, ``FUR. They hate that.
And don't EVER eat meat.
Q: DON'T EAT MEAT? WHY NOT?!
Cows are animals, just like humans are animals. That means that they have rights. When you eat meat, you're oppressing animals!
Q: SO ALL KILLING IS BAD?
No, not always. Sometimes killing can be justified, like in the Persian Gulf. You have to be able to tell when an animal has rights, and when it doesn't.
Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS?
The general rule is as follows:
IF AN ANIMAL IS RARE, PRETTY, BIG, CUTE, FURRY,
HUGGABLE, OR LOVABLE, THEN IT HAS RIGHTS.
Examine the following chart:
RIGHTS NO RIGHTS
cows cockroaches cute bunnies flies dolphins in tuna nets tuna in tuna nets whales sharks red squirrels gray squirrels owls loggers harbor seals barnacles
Q: WOW. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC?
Hug a tree. Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what gives flavour to our great country. Get in touch with your sexual identity.
Check your refrigerator for freon leaks. Subscribe to National Geographic. Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes. After you read it, use the paper as an alternate fuel source.
Q: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL OF THIS.
If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember. YOU ARE RIGHT. It's that simple. You are right.
Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC?
Good question. It's important to know when someone is saying something insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society. The
guideline is as follows:
Is the confrontation between two white people? The liberal is right. The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.
Here's a fun practice drill for you: See how many newspaper articles you can make into race bias stories. It's fun! Some PCers are so good they can make the weather report look like a KKK pamphlet!
Q: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC?
It all depends on the situation. If you are not in a position of authority,
by all means report this activity immediately to whomever is in charge. If your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90's, she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender disciplined.
Q: BUT ISN'T THAT CENSORSHIP?
The Constitution never meant for racism, sexism and insensitivity to be espoused by anyone. That's not what free speech is about. Some call it censorship. PCers call it ``selective speech. Saying something negative
about a particular race or gender is just as damaging as, say, punching them in the face. We just can't allow that kind of verbal assault.
Q: I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT PC WORDS TO REPLACE ``BLACK, ``INDIAN, ETC.
Yes. That's part of the PC movement. You see, part of the way we think about people comes directly from the words we use to describe them. Take "black"' for instance. Why should a person be judged by the color of their skin?
Q: YOU MEAN THEY SHOULD RATHER BE JUDGED BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER?
No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors are from. If your great-grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, or wherever, then you should be identified by that fact. You can even apply for special scholarships!
Q: I'M A MIXTURE OF FRENCH, GERMAN, ENGLISH, AND RUSSIAN. CAN I GET ONE?
No, there are no scholarships for any of those. Sorry. If you are a woman, however, there should be plenty.
Q: HEY, WOULDN'T A WHITE PERSON FROM LIBYA OR EGYPT TECHNICALLY BE AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN?
Technically, yes. But that's not the kind of African-American we mean. That is, we're REALLY talking about skin color, but we're pretending that we aren't. Another example: a white South-African U.S. immigrant is not an African-American either.
Q: HOW CAN I LEARN TO MAKE MY LANGUAGE MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT?
See The Thinking Man's Reference of Politically Correct Terms.
Q: I'D LIKE MY CHILD TO BE PC. WHAT CAN I DO?
Well, for one thing, we should forcibly encourage students to volunteer
their time with philanthropies. Also, we should re-emphasize non-Western perspectives on history. Finally, we should re-structure tests and quizzes to reflect cultural biases.
Q: I DON'T GET IT.
Well, the way the system works now, "select"' under-represented minorities who tend to do worse on entrance tests have lower standards of admissions at school and work and receive preferential treatment. This is unfair and wrong.
Q: IT IS?
Yes. The truly PC way to do it is to have a different grading scale for
different groups which gives or subtracts points from the final score, depending on who is taking the test. If you are white, then you have been benefited by society during your life. That means that you lose ten to fifteen points to make the test fair to everyone else.
Q: I GUESS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.
It IS right. That's the beauty of PC.
Q: WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF?
Humor. PC people take every comment VERY seriously. We will not accept any comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it could be a racial slur.
Q: GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.
"What's black and white and red all over? has been staple humor for decades. Not PC - it can be taken the wrong way.
In every day speech, try to use phrases like, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle African-American. Any racial jokes or jokes even mentioning culture or gender should be omitted. True, this mostly limits comedy to the level of sitcoms, but that's the price you pay for social equality.
Likewise, get used to using the word "gender" (PC people don't like the word "sex"' as it has confusing connotations)
Q: IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?
Yes. The Politically Correct belief is essentially a recognition that people are diversely equal. We rejoice in this equality by treating people differently based on their equal individuality. Hop aboard the bandwagon . . . Be PC. Or you're an intolerant, racist, sexist insensitive pig.