From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
A policy is defined as:
1. A rule or set of rules; or a guideline or set of guidelines that must be
- a) introduced to the appropriate authorities (heretofor referred to as "policymakers") for discussion
- b) discussed by the aforementioned authorities
- c) voted on or otherwise agreed upon by the authorities mentioned in 1.a) and referred to in 1.b)
- d) communicated to the individual or individuals who are responsible for:
- i. adhering to said policy; and/or
- ii. reporting breaches of said policy to authorities referred to in 1.d)iii ; and/or
- iii. enforcing said policy, if reported by individuals referred to in 1.d)ii in reference to non-compliant individuals referred to in 1.d)i.
- e) followed, bent, or disregarded by individuals referred to in 1.d)i.
- f) appealed in the event of a possible
- i. difficulty in implementation;
- ii. conflict of interest created or exacerbated by said policy;
- iii. conflict with another policy or other policies.
- g) amended from time to time as is considered necessary and/or appropriate by policymakers
2. A practice
- a) formally adopted by an organization;
- b) preferably written in proper, bureaucratic prose comprised of numerically- and alphabetically-referenced, indented statements in point form for brevity; and
- c) provided for employees, stakeholders, management, and consumers
- i. in octuplet if possible.
3. Any definition not included among the aforementioned definitions that satisfies the organizational requirements of a
- a) corporation
- b) government agency
- c) non-profit registered society
- d) charitable organization
- e) small business
- f) co-operative; or
- g) other organization in need of having its organizational requirements satisfied.
- so long as
- i. the organization in question construes the term policy to be consistent with the general tenor of either definition (1) or (2) above; and
- ii. the organization referred to in 3.i. has either
- aa) formal policymakers
- bb) appropriate substitutes for 3.ii.aa); or
- cc) in lieu of 3.ii.aa) and 3.ii.bb): an individual legally responsible for the activities of said organization who serves as neither a formal policymaker nor an appropriate substitute for one; and
- iii. said organization has individuals such as or similar to those described in 1.d)i above.
B) Example of a policy
Policy 314.726 of public instuitution 3681-23j:
Outcomes management will be monitored via established procedures developed and implemented by outcomes management reporting. The reporting of outcomes management is crucial to the well-being of the institution, and as such must be implemented in conjunction with institutional standards and policies already established, incorporating institutional values while simultaneously upholding institutional ethics; with an aim to reduce negative outcomes and foster conditions proven or otherwise understood to increase the preponderance of positive ones. If managed effectively, outcomes management will attain its goal of positive outcomes for the institution; such a result is the expected positive outcome of outcomes management.
In order than outcomes management be conducted effectively, the following should be duly given utmost consideration:
- 314.726-1 rescinded by the board of directors, 12-06-94
- 314.726-2.1 amended (see below) 24-03-95
- 314.726-2.2 rescinded...
...314.726-14.789.3478s amended 23-02-07 to read:
Firstly, that outcomes management is improved as a result of effective management of the cooperation of the following departments:
- Processing management
- Internal controls management
- Department of institutional affairs
- Department responsible for processing internal institutional affairs
- Department resposible for implementing repetition- and bureaucracy-reduction
Secondly, that outcomes management is effective only if the following are consistently and diligently adhered to:
- conformity with expectations established by protocols developed by and including but not limited to, notwithstanding anything aforementioned in subsections relevant to but not incompatible with elements of organizational integrity established and maintained under the authority of departments reporting to, advised by, governed by, and within the institutionally-approved and recognized framework of outcomes management.
- strict guidelines discussed and accepted by consensus of and within the jurisdiction of...notwithstanding the aforementioned, while nonetheless not unravelling a non-unreciprocated lack of...untilsuchtime as implementationofpoliciesunder the auspicesof ... beaurocraticmanagementstrategiesdesignedtopreventunderminingofpreviously...gratuileveragundinexplicarrangoverritrevable...hflawufhl38fh4#jfqo;48oohjqfilfq=-f=2fi, &tc., &tc.
Outcomes management will be measured by standard, professionally accepted mechanisms adopted by and under full authority of outcomes management management.
C) Policy on policies
Policies on policies vary from organization to organization. In general, useful policies are ignorable, whereas redundant, ambiguous, or otherwise meaningless policies must be adhered to at all times. The latter are very difficult and time-consuming to create, but when done properly, they can add levels, tiers, and/or levels of bureaucracy to an organization, institution, or/or association that managers, officers, and/or directors could normally only dream of.
D) List of useful or otherwise worthwhile policies
(this section to remain blank)
E) List of redundant, ambiguous, rambling, repetitive, wordy, superfluous, unnecessary, or otherwise meaningless policies
- All policies not listed in (D)
F) Uncyclopedia policies
All Uncyclopedia policies are ignorable; therefore they belong to the list of non-existant policies mentioned in section (D).