Pol Pot

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“KILL THEM!”
~ Pol Pot on Vietnamese
“KILL THEM!”
~ Pol Pot on people who wore glasses
“KILL THEM!”
~ Pol Pot on trees
“KILL HIM!”
~ Pol Pot on the pizza delivery boy arriving
“Then bring me the pizza.”
~ Pol Pot on finishing his sentence
“KILL THEM”
~ Pol Pot in general
Pol pot

Great eyes, gorgeous smile. How could he kill 1.5 million people?

Paul Pott (May 19, 1925--Your death) better known as The Heartbreak Khmer (or HBK for short) was a popular East-Asian movie star from Cambodia. Pol Pot and his rag-tag crew of friends took over the country and he was made to have all your base are belong to us. During his time of having all base are belong to him, he made it illegal to be any profession apart from a make-up artist, so that anyone he went to could make him look beautiful.

During his long reign of Cambodia, he was said to have had 1.5 million hot chicks do his makeup for him. In 1970-something, he led an army of hot Asian chicks armed with guns into Phnom Pen (the capital) in order to create his own production company, Khmer Rouge Productions. He is well-known for wanting to kill everything that lived, even the trees. Just about the only ones who had a good time under his regime were the fish because he also killed fishermen.

edit Early Life

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Pol Pot was born Saloth Sar to an upper-class family who were best friends with the royal family and were filthy rich, which is quite embarrassing considering the "I hate the rich" stance he adopted as a Communist. His sister was a nationally renowned prostitute, so whenever he was around, Pol Pot would go to the local brothel to visit her. In 1945, he was taken into the first class clown school, Ronald McDonald House. He was soon after thrown out for suspicions of being a Nazi. When the only graduate of Ronald McDonald House was revealed to be a Nazi, this convinced Pol Pot to become a communist. From 1949 to 1953 he pursued a career in acting, this time being successful and starring in the hit movie Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

After the Screen Actors Guild recognised him as a successful actor, Clown Nazis took over Cambodia in a bid to shoot him and take his soul. This attack was countered by Pol Pot, who decided to make himself leader and make everyone a farmer. Pol Pot was allegedly kidnapped by Margaret Thatcher who took Pol Pot and his brother Pol Tax to Britain to demonstrate some ridiculous anti-Robin Hood tax policy, but luckily Pol Pot escaped with only minor hints of Conservatism. He dismissed this as a rumour, saying that all actors must face rumours at some point, but when asked to prove this never happened, he could not answer. He wished to execute the man who started this rumour. And so he executed 50 random people, hoping one of them was the rumour-spreader.

edit The Path To Stardom

Pol pot soon left to tour Cambodia. After starring in many classics like the Terminator, Pulp Fiction and the Godfather, Pol Pot became an international hit. He got a star on the Walk of Fame, had copycats like Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan and Jet Li try to star in awesome action movies, but they couldn't reach his level of awesomeness. Soon enough, Pol Pot was handed all the base by Cambodia. This gave him total rule over Cambodia and all of its bases. He used this power to declare acting and make-up artistry as the only two professions in Cambodia, but there could only be one actor, and that was himself. Pol Pot would then begin to credit himself as "the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels", so the people of Cambodia wouldn't know it was him. But they knew. Oh, did they KNOW. He then starred in many movies, using the money to have sex with many hot chicks, and occasionally ugly, fat men. Slowly, the people of Cambodia began to starve. Something had to be done, and according to Pol Pot that was make them work or die.

edit Most famous quote

Pol Pot's most famous quote was "smoke more pot". Hot chicks have been often seen blowing Pol Pot, and he encourages them to do more of this. He said he enjoyed it, although it is hard to tell how grateful he was since he killed them as well.

edit Downfall

After five years of genocide, Pol Pot had killed nearly everyone in Cambodia. Among his victims were all the film producers in the country, aince this was also an illegal job. As a result, Pol Pot had nothing left to do. So, Pol Pot decided he would turn against Vietnam, his ally, for no apparent reason and kept attacking their villages. Politically, this would be the equivalent of poking Vietnam with a stick, which his army also did. Vietnam was angry and killed Pol Pot's men, who had only their sticks to defend them. This event devastated the Khmer Rouge, freeing Cambodia. While Vietnam wanted to bring Mr Pot to justice, America and Thatcher went on a sulk and demanded Pol Pot be kept alive. Pol Pot was kept under house arrest, which Thailand assured the west was an appropriate punishment for murdering 2 million people. In 1997, news of Kurt Cobain's death reached Pol Pot's radio (in those days, when Asia had no internet, news travelled slowly) and Pol Pot decided it was a good idea, but had no gun. He decided to give himself a heart attack and he was cremated before the autopsy; again Thailand assured the west his death was of natural causes, and the fact it was immediately after the news announced he would be held guilty was entirely coincidence.

edit Legacy

Pol Pot left behind a lot of influenced people.

  • The people at World Wrestling Entertainment loved him so much, they nicknamed one of their most beloved wrestlers, Shawn Michaels, The Heartbreak Kid.
  • An Australian Author, Alice Pung, wrote a book called Unpolished Gem. It is about an old woman who tells her daughter many stories about Pol Pot's greatness, ending by revealing that throughout his whole life, Pol Pot was a virgin. That's right, he never actually DID anything at those brothels he visited.
  • After Pol Pot was evicted, his fans spread mines over the place because "it was funny". This gave Cambodia a bad reputation of having mines everywhere.
  • Pol Pot was also one of the only Asian people to resist the powers of the "Black mark". That's just more proof that he was just an all-round cool guy.
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