Poison Ivy

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Poison Ivy

She's hotter than global warming.

Poison Ivy is the world's hottest supervillain and most bodacious botanist, a dangerous enemy of Batman; she has an incredible ability to control pants, I mean PLANTS; and is easily recognizable by her red hair, greenish skin, and setting off fire detectors with her revealing outfits made entirely of leaves. Harley Quinn is so lucky to get to tap that.

edit Origin

Poison Ivy was originally known as Pamela Lillian, a nerdy girl obsessed with the National Park Service and the impossible task of protecting the rain forest from big business. She wore large glasses, had some bad acne and out-of-date outfits, and was bullied at school, labeled a lesbian for her odd obsession with Venus flytraps. During an Earth Liberation Front raid of an agribusiness genetics lab, she started a fire that quickly spread and accidentally doused herself in experimental insecticides and plant growth chemicals. Her body began rapidly mutating and her blood seeped into the soil, spreading into the plants and altering their genes, until soon she was consumed in a giant cocoon of vines.

After one week, Pamela's naked body was ejected from the cocoon. When she awoke, she was thinner, without acne, had brighter hair, better posture, a nicer smell, greener skin, clearer vision and was generally much hotter overall more fit. At the first sight of her, her professor Dr. Jason Woodrue immediately died from turning into wood, a fate that would befall many more men. Pamela soon discovered that in addition to her new make over, she had the ability to control all plant life. Pamela realized that she was proof of one of the world's greatest secrets: if you expose yourself to enough poisonous chemicals, you will eventually get sexy and super powerful, a lesson later learned by Spiderman. This was a dream come true for Pamela; she became so excited that she went mad with power and decided to steal all the money she'd need to booby trap all the trees in the rain-forest and prevent further land development. Pamela then stitched herself an outfit out of incredibly itchy leaves and took the name Poison Ivy.

edit First Crimes

HAPPY

Random Fan Service Picture.

Ivy decided to start her criminal career in Gotham City: the nations third most dangerous city after Chicago and DC. During her first crime she encountered Batman and his annoying jail bait sidekick Robin. Batman was able to avoid being swayed by Poison Ivy, primarily because he spent every other day surrounded by hot women like Catwoman and Wonder Woman. Robin however, being a teenager, was not as composed as Batman, and thus started getting hormonal and acting out around Ivy. Ivy used Robin's attempting to nest in her branches, to her advantage and managed to escape with the goods. Batman tried to help Robin get control of himself, teaching him the ancient Shaolin meditation method that the monks had taught him: thinking about baseball. They chased Ivy all over Gotham, however she kept escaping due to Robin's awkwardness when dealing with women.

Finally, one night Batman found that Robin was missing; he tracked him down using the RFID tag hidden in his underwear discovering Ivy's secret lair. He then found Robin with Ivy... getting a massage from her and drinking under age. Batman told Robin she was working him over like a piece of Kobe beef, but the boy had been smoking so much weed he was higher than a trapeze act. At first, Batman was no match for Ivy and her deadly man eating plants, but then he revealed his secret weapon, gallons of poisonous industrial waste from over seas Wayne Tech electronics manufacturing plants, killing all plant life in her green house hideout and incapacitating Ivy with the noxious fumes. Batman then sent Ivy to Arkham Asylum where Robin would spend the next several months visiting her on the weekends and writing her incessant love letters until, Bruce couldn't take anymore and set him up on a blind date with the Commissioners daughter. In Arkham, Ivy became incredibly popular and was sought after by all the inmates male and female; they had to place her behind a glass wall so she couldn't throw her poisonous piss onto the guards.

edit Relationships

Gorrila

Poison Ivy and Bollo.

edit Catwoman

She hooked up with Catwoman simply because he had a lot of money and the sex was good, however her cats kept knocking over Ivy's house plants. They leased an apartment together and decorated it with a jungle cat theme, however it soon became apparent Cat Woman had a severe drinking problem when she started to land less and less frequently on her feet during robberies. More and more of Ivy's lab equipment went missing until finally she caught Cat Woman drinking a white russian out her volumetric flask, and packed her environmentally friendly canvas bags.

edit Mr. Freeze

Poison Ivy got into this relationship after she started going through a phase where men in lots of armor were suddenly hot. At the time Mr. Freeze was still upset because he had lost the wife he had worked so hard to keep alive for years, after a brown out caused her container to lose power for three minutes. They worked well together, but their relationship headed south after an argument over what temperature to set the thermostat.

edit Gorilla Man

Gorilla Man is a normal Gorilla with pink fur, Poison Ivy wound up with him after she saw the movie King Kong and started to like monkeys. Despite his growls, tantrums and tendency to break everything in his path, Poison Ivy grew to love him. They tried to start a family of Humanzees but had difficulty conceiving; though their relationship was still going strong, Gorilla Man ended up being apprehend by The Flash and deported back to Gorilla City.

edit Modeling

Model

A picture from her portfolio.

Poison Ivy turned many men and women into wood; however in an attempt to prevent more deaths, scientists created a drug known as Viagra. Eventually, a majority of the people of Gotham started to use Viagra and were able to avoid lethal amounts of Erectile Dysfunction from Ivy. Ivy herself eventually lost all hope of continuing as a criminal due to the fact that most of the rain forest was already torn down and it was to late to avoid global climate change. So after she served her time she got some plastic surgery to get rid of her green skin and took up a career in modeling. Immediately after taking up the job, she was an instant success and earned so much money, that she and her wife Harley were able to buy a small tract of the Amazon to serve as a nature preserve, and built a home on it to call their own.

edit Batman and Robin

Not Hot

Many fans and critics have constantly made the following statement: "This is NOT F***ING HOT!!!"

Poison Ivy starred in the film adaptation of the Broadway musical Batman and Robin. She was put in the position of secondary villain to Mr. Freeze (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger due to Mr. Freeze's tragic death in a skiing accident). The movie however was considered a flop and she spent years away hiding from the spotlight recovering from the disaster. Her fans accused the film of making Ivy wear clothes that were not very revealing and styling her hair in a number of tacky fashions. The director of the movie stated that he chose these outfits and hairstyles because he feared if she looked too hot then it would distract from George Clooney's nipples and cod piece.

edit See also

Drgirlfriend

"You know that Poison Ivy has a strong sexual voice and I don't, so go ahead and eat shit!" - Dr. Girlfriend


Personal tools
In other languages
projects