Pogo Snake

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Pogosnake
Pogo Snake
Scientific classification
Kingdom Animal
Phylum Chordate
Class Reptilian
Order Arizona
Family Snake
Genus Albert Einstein
Species Springus
Binomial name
Stu
Specifications
Primary armament Biting
Secondary armament "Spring Choke"
Power supply Long range of sight
Health 15
Mana 17
Strength 5
Intelligence 4
Weight 6-10 Lb.
Length 3'-6' Ft
Special attack Can call in cousin "Hoop Snake".
Conservation status
Super duper Rare

Pogosnakes are a less badass cousin of the deadly Hoop Snake, belonging to the class of venomous snakes known commonly as "Bouncy Vipers".

Overview

Found only in Mohave County, Arizona, there are nearly fifty species of Pogosnake, with numerous subspecies. They are named for their bouncy nature and travel in herds. The scientific name "Oxyuranus Springous" derives from the Mohave Indian word, κρόταλον, meaning "bouncy". The name "Springous" is the Hualapai Indian Tribe word for "springy" and shares its root with the modern day spring, commonly found in ball point pens and around shock absorbers on vehicles. Most Pogosnakes mate in the spring, and all species give birth to live baby Pogosnakes. Mothers abandon their young within hours after birth, but not to fear-they bounce back.


Reproduction

Big Pogo Snakes give birth to little Pogo Snakes. First, two big Pogo Snakes have to meet. singlepogosnakes.com is a popular on-line dating site for Pogo Snakes. There they can hop from page to page previewing fotos and biographical data of other potential Pogo Snake mates. Jewish Pogo Snakes, gay Pogo Snakes, and straight Pogo Snakes can utilize special Pogo Snake preference filtering options, if in fact it is possible to have a straight Pogo Snake, thereby negating the pogoing effect.

Civil Rights of Pogo Snakes

The EEOCPS "Equal Employment Opportunity Commission of Pogo Snakes" is the de facto Pogo Snake rights enforcement organization. Should a Pogo Snake face discrimination in the work place, he or she has the option of contacting their local branch of the EEOCPS and filing a complaint. Thumbprints are required for identification purposes. Coffee and donuts are served.


Digestion and Diet

All snakes eat meat, and the Pogo Snake likes nothing more than his meat. In fact, a Pogo Snake can't beat his meat. Every day a Pogo Snake eats its weight in small animals including lizards and other snakes, rodents and other small mammals, birds, eggs, insects, & small mammals, BLT's, birds, & small mammals. Some snakes have a venomous bite, which they use to kill their prey before eating it. Other snakes kill their prey by constriction. Still others swallow their prey whole and alive. Pogo Snakes use the "Chase and Trip" method.

Once a Pogo Snake spots its prey the Pogo Snake will bounce after the prey and chase it. When the Pogo Snake is close enough it will spring itsself into the path of the victim and tangle its body among its legs. The ensuing tumbling mass of Pogo Snake and varmit will cause a cloud of dust, hooves, weeds, and Pogo Snake to go tumbling across the desert ground. When the ball of dust settles, usually the Pogo Snake has wrapped it's body around the neck of it's victim and applies pressure to pop it's head off. Baby Pogo Snakes will often wrap themselves around the wrists of Hualapai Indians and cause "Indian Burns". Children do this with their pet Pogo Snakes for fun, even though their Mothers tell them not to.

After eating, snakes become torpid (full)while the process of digestion takes place. After drinking, Pogo Snakes become downright onrey. Many a Pogo Snake has been thrown out of a bar after taunting others with "I can jump higher than youuuuu-uuu! I can jump higher than youuuu-uuuu!!!".

Pogo Snakes do not normally eat people, but they will prey on them. A Pogo Snake will hide in the bushes of a well marked trail or sidewalk and there he will wait until an unsuspecting Mojave or Hualapai Indian will walk by. Then, at the last second, the Pogo Snake will spring out and trip its unsuspecting victim and slither away quickly. The victim will fall to the ground and spin around angrily to see who or how he tripped-but there's nothing there. Only the giggling from the bushes can clue someone into the perpetrator of the crime.

Perception

While snake vision is okey-dokey, for the most part a snake's sense of accessorizing is abyssmal. Some snakes, like the Pogo Snake, have binoculars smelling. In addition to their eyes, some snakes have radar (what submarines use) in deep grooves between the nostril and eye which allow them to hear noises. It is thought that the near extinction of the "Flatulant Desert Field Mouse" is due to the Pogo Snake's excellent senses of hearing and smell.


Note: Please see Hoop Snake.

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