Plus:

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Uncyclopediaplus


Sophia has inspired us to work on 31,657 articles since opening in January 2005,

and YOU can view them

ALL

if you have a

credit card or PayPal account!

Hey kids! Before editing, please read the writing guidelines and flamewar manual.
More Detail can be found in our Ignorable policies

Browse now


Milk chocolate hitler bite

This is the most delicious Hitler I've ever seen.
Vote for featured image

Today's Free Sample!

Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: State of the Union address

Yesterday's Featured Article - State of the Union address

2011 State of the Union

The State of the Union address is a method of compressing partisan lies into an hour-or-two-long speech (or -three, in the case of Bill Clinton).

The annual speech tells Congress and the entire United States what The President thinks. It is received in a room full of crusty and aging legislators who long ago lost their souls and have no lodestar except the desire to:

  1. Bask in the reflected glory of the President's presence, and
  2. Have all their impressionable constituents watch them doing so and thereby get the impression they have a fraction of the President's charisma.

Federal law provides that, in addition to his annual salary of $400,000, the President gets one evening a year in a chamber where a crowd of fawning wannabes will deliriously applaud him for saying nothing of substance, and where everyone in the country can see that they did. This is not just a fringe benefit for the President, but reassures even the most incompetent American citizen that his poorest and most meaningless work might have someone welcome it, by virtue of the welcomer being even worse — or might lead to a lifetime sinecure, if he can simply find a boss who is eager to be surrounded by suck-ups.

Article II, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution tasks the President to "from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the Union, to recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient, or failing that, to advise the same as to how far to bend over."

It is a perennial mystery to Constitutional scholars why the small document that set out three co-equal branches contains this loophole directing two of them to kiss the butt of one of them every year.. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER.

More of the best of Uncyclopedia


More can be yours! Join today!

Landlubber

September 20: Sexual Innuendo Day, Sophia's Birthday, International Talk Like A Landlubber Day

  • 20,000,000 BC Formation of the Amazon Rainforest, a warm, wet, lush, dripping virgin jungle.
  • 19,999,999 BC Amazon Rainforest loses its virginity.
  • 30,000 BC Oonak of the Tribe of the Wolf tells Nooma of the People of the Lake that he's got a big, thick woody club back in his cave that he'd love to show her, inventing sexual innuendo.
  • 1187 - Saladin begins a siege on Jerusalem, hoping he can create a crevice in the walls and then forcefully insert his troops.
  • 1519 - Ferdinand Magellan sets sail from Sanlúcar de Barrameda on a long, hard, drawn out expedition to circumnavigate the globe, with about 270 seamen.
  • 1815 - First railroad tunnel finishes construction.
  • 1837 - Rugby is invented. It is a game played by burly men with odd-shaped balls.
  • 1920 - Strawberry ice cream invented. Strong sales are seen for this soft, wet, pink dessert.
  • 1930 - Workers struggle to erect the mighty tower of the Empire State Building.
  • 1934 - Sophia Loren born.
  • 1939 - Second World War declared. Churchill states in his first War-time speech: "We're going to be up against stiff opposition, and what we as a nation will experience in the coming months is going to be long and hard."
  • 1940- First printing of "Biggles Goes Down".
  • 1940 - Allies get access to Japanese military intelligence after the Japanese "Purple" code is decrypted by Genevieve Grotjan, a cunning linguist.
  • 1941 - After two years of war, the British Royal Air Force choose between naming their planes "the spit-fire" or "the swallow-water."
  • 1942 - Werner Von Braun continues work perfecting the V-2 rocket. The V-2 is designed to burn ethanol and liquid oxygen, causing exhaust to spurt out of the nozzle, generating prolonged, forceful thrust.
  • 1957 - Popsicles, lollipops, bananas and cucumbers are invented.
  • 1960 - Oil mining in Alberta, Canada goes wrong, causing the rig to get stuck pumping farther and farther into the hole while the rich liquid spewed out.
  • 1965 - Wham-O's Superball is introduced and becomes a runaway hit, because people love to play with balls.
  • 1993 - Foundations laid for the Three Gorges Dam.
  • 2005 - Israel pulls out of Palestine.
  • 2006 - Work continues on the Tautona gold mine in South Africa. Extending three miles underground, this mine holds the record for the world's longest shaft. Plans are being drawn up to plunge the shaft still deeper into the womb of the earth.
  • 2006 - President Bush's attempts to quell the violence in Iraq prove impotent, making his presidency look increasingly limp and flaccid. He insists this is the "first time this has happened to me".

Archived Anniversaries

For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS!

SpaceMan1.jpg




Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!TrumpUK 2015 electionGreece


More Current Events at UnNews News


Did you know...

That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY!

  • ...that cats only pretend not to like to swim?
    • ...and that they like it even more while inside a burlap sack?


Read More

Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!!

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,657 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30557
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
45286
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
18180
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
W17x11 16666
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
W17x11 13518
Wiki it
1dÉ
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
W17x11 8364
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
W17x11 10392
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5720
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
W17x11 Unknown
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
7614
Hikipedia
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on September 3, 2014.

Sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository


If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra:

For nonsense related IRC chat, see This instructional video (only $19.95! + s&h).

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Main Page

Personal tools
projects