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Recently featured: Dog

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Dog toilet

Dog (Canis lupus familiaris or Canis familiaris) are domesticated canids that have been selectively bred for millennia to play ‘ball’, ‘find it’, round up groups of stupid wooley white animals and bury bones. Their physical anatomy is specifically designed for sniffing hedges, chasing small round yellow bouncy things or car wing mirrors, tail wagging and barking, with recovery periods required to be taken lying upside-down on sofas, or hairy rugs by a nice warm fire.

Dogs are the most diverse species on earth, ranging from small argumentative ratters, to giant hounds that prefer to take a quieter, more philosophical approach to dealing with other dogs or animals. Dogs have a wide variety of jobs, including frisbee-catchers, woodland explorers, stick rescuers and street patrollers. Some dogs are employed to sit on laps, whereas others work in the fashion industry as handbag accessories.

There are many dog celebrities, such as Lassie and Spot. Laika was the world's first astronaut[1] and Spuds the bull terrier is the face of Budweiser. (more...)

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Worldsnooker
April 23: Bring Your Penis To Work Day
  • 303 - St. George takes his penis to beat the dragon with. Dragon turns out to be into that kinda stuff.
  • 1179 - Richard the Lionhearted attempts to engage King Philip of France in a penis sword fight; "Homo you don't!" replies Philip.
  • 1538 - Truce of Nice: Emperor Charles V and Francis I of France agree that the terms foreskin and prepuce are interchangeable.
  • 1562 - Elizabeth I vows not to take a penis to work, or her bed chamber.
  • 1875 - Queen Victoria outlaws the word penis; decrees henceforth the organ shall be known as "Naughty Mr. Johnson".
  • 1905 - The Royal Society compare penis sizes. Von Lynchenstein had the largest penis.
  • 1909 - Czarina Alexandra beholds Rasputin's penis and won't let go.
  • 1932 - California gets filled with the world's stockpile of penises.
  • 1941 - Lead singer from Lordi enters a beauty contest against a penis. Penis wins.
  • 1953 - Queen Elizabeth II announces that she shall confer upon the penis the title of Sir.
  • 1967 - Bono is voted the "World's Biggest Penis".
  • 1968 - Flower Power is replaced by Wind Power, and all the petals are blown away.
  • 1971 - Penis arrives in the Castro.
  • 1975 - President Gerald Ford announces that the Vietnam War is over, after an unfortunate misunderstanding over the soldiers running around with their penises in their hands.
  • 1982 - ZX Spectrum released to the public, keyboard made completely of recycled condoms.
  • 1993 - Bill Clinton becomes the first USA president since JFK to bring his penis to the white house.
  • 2005 - The B-lizard's penis freezes and falls off. Adventure Quest voted the best game ever made by stoners.
  • 2008 - Your mom forgets to pack your penis in your lunchbox. You get teased the rest of the day.
  • 2009 - Tiger Woods brings his penis all over the place, including a Perkins Restaurant.

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Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!!

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

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BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

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