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Why do I get my hopes up?

January 20: Nobody Edit Uncyclopedia Day Or Else

  • 968 - An unknown English monk at Lindisfarne creates Uncyclopedia, a parody of the Domesday Book. It turns out to be the entire reason for Viking raids on the British Isles as they attempt to destroy it, having a hatred of Benny Hill and music hall skits in general.
  • 1209 - The Cathars, the first protestants, are massacred for holding a copy of Uncyclopedia. The book is last seen in the hands of Peter II of Aragon as he fights off Catholic crusaders. His baffling last words are, 'Farmer Browne hath foure fatte sheeps'.
  • 1492 - Columbus becomes president of America; he wins 1-0.
  • 1513 - Ponce de Leon arrives in Florida and finds tantalizing clues as to the whereabouts of Uncyclopedia with a map showing an Indian pointing with the inscription, 'Pull my finger.'
  • 1712 - Abdul Alhazred the Mad is lifted up in the air in broad daylight and is seen being eaten alive by an invisible force. His last words, 'AAAAAAAAA!', prove that he had knowledge of the elusive Uncyclopedia.
  • 1937 - The 20th Amendment is passed, forcing all presidental candidates to compete in a 100-meter dash to decide the primaries. Surprisingly, Franklin D. Roosevelt is the first president to win this event.
  • 1911 - Explorer Roald Amundsen finds traces of an ancient civilization at the South Pole that has apparently been recently destroyed over two fragmentary pages of Polish jokes from Uncyclopedia.
  • 1942 - The Nazi Party gives the final solution to the "Jewish question", though the Jews insist that they were just asking for directions.
  • 1990 - Dan Brown writes a thriller-type novel of the hunt for the legendary Uncyclopedia and is pursued by mysterious agents of unknown forces and is threatened with death for revealing its secrets. Despite that, the novel is sent to the publisher's slush pile and is never seen again.
  • 1992 - Governor Bill Clinton beats Paul Tsongas in the primaries. Investigations as to whether or not Clinton bit part of Tsongas's ear off in the final stretch are launched.
  • 2004 - Pinky and the Brain finally take over the world, and are then killed by Joe Cartoon in a blender.
  • 2005 - The near-mythic Uncyclopedia is released to the world in electronic form as part of the WikiLeaks program. However, jokes like 'Farmer Browne hath foure fatte sheeps' fail to make an impact. The Illuminati and the Mysterions start over again from scratch after taking the day off.
  • 2008 - No-one has edited Uncyclopedia! Until I just did. Oh shit.
  • 2009 - International Change Day. Citizens of the 'homeless undead'-ridden Californian cities get a day of reprieve from demands for change as the masses of change-hungry 'Zombos' are distracted by a change of power in Washington.
  • 2010 - Some n00b edits Uncyclopedia.

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Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!!

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 32,312 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
United Kingdom
W17x11 30557
W17x11 16666
W17x11 13518
Wiki it
W17x11 8364
W17x11 10392
W17x11 Unknown
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on September 3, 2014.

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The news source on crack
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The content-free encyclopedia
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Where noisy things can live and prosper
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Another way to waste time
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Useless misquotes galore
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Debating all the irrelevant issues
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We can ruin stage and film too
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