968 - An unknown English monk at Lindisfarne creates Uncyclopedia, a parody of the Domesday Book. It turns out to be the entire reason for Viking raids on the British Isles as they attempt to destroy it, having a hatred of Benny Hill and music hall skits in general.
1209 - The Cathars, the first protestants, are massacred for holding a copy of Uncyclopedia. The book is last seen in the hands of Peter II of Aragon as he fights off Catholic crusaders. His baffling last words are, 'Farmer Browne hath foure fatte sheeps'.
1492 - Columbus becomes president of America; he wins 1-0.
1513 - Ponce de Leon arrives in Florida and finds tantalizing clues as to the whereabouts of Uncyclopedia with a map showing an Indian pointing with the inscription, 'Pull my finger.'
1712 - Abdul Alhazred the Mad is lifted up in the air in broad daylight and is seen being eaten alive by an invisible force. His last words, 'AAAAAAAAA!', prove that he had knowledge of the elusive Uncyclopedia.
1937 - The 20th Amendment is passed, forcing all presidental candidates to compete in a 100-meter dash to decide the primaries. Surprisingly, Franklin D. Roosevelt is the first president to win this event.
1911 - Explorer Roald Amundsen finds traces of an ancient civilization at the South Pole that has apparently been recently destroyed over two fragmentary pages of Polish jokes from Uncyclopedia.
1990 - Dan Brown writes a thriller-type novel of the hunt for the legendary Uncyclopedia and is pursued by mysterious agents of unknown forces and is threatened with death for revealing its secrets. Despite that, the novel is sent to the publisher's slush pile and is never seen again.
1992 - Governor Bill Clinton beats Paul Tsongas in the primaries. Investigations as to whether or not Clinton bit part of Tsongas's ear off in the final stretch are launched.
2005 - The near-mythic Uncyclopedia is released to the world in electronic form as part of the WikiLeaks program. However, jokes like 'Farmer Browne hath foure fatte sheeps' fail to make an impact. The Illuminati and the Mysterions start over again from scratch after taking the day off.
2008 - No-one has edited Uncyclopedia! Until I just did. Oh shit.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!