Plural

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 16:09, November 9, 2010 by 164.143.244.33 (talk)

Jump to: navigation, search

Definition and Rating

"Plural" is a grammatical term indicating that instead of talking about one thing you are talking about more than one thing.

The International Body Responsible for These Things (IBRTT) has classified it as Advanced-3, and the technique should only be adopted by people who are skilled in these things, after taking all necessary security precautions.

Techniques

Primary technique

The primary technique used in the English Language is simply to append the letters 's' to the ends of a words.

For example:

  • Fishs (one fish, many fishs)
  • Oxs (one ox, many oxs)
  • Mouses (one mouse, many mouses)
  • Sheeps (one sheep, many sheeps)
  • Scissorss (one scissors, many scissorss)

Secondary technique

As English is a member of the made-up group of languages, certain words that refer to objects that were identified as 'feminine' in the 876AD census are made plural by adding 'es'

For example:

  • Hairbrushes (one hairbrush, many hairbrushes)
  • Dresses (one dress, many dresses)
  • Triangles (one triangl, many triangles)
  • Chainsawes (one chainsaw, many chainsawes)

Tertiary Technique

Nouns of the third declension are particularly perverse, in that they are identical in the singluar and the plural.

  • Desk (one desk, many desk)
  • Mug (one mug, many mug)
  • Bottle (one bottle, many bottle)
  • Kitten (one kitten, many kitten)
  • Hobbit (one hobbit, many hobbitses)

Quaternary Technique

For certain words, it is okay to make up plurals.

  • People (one person, many people)
  • Children (one child, many children)
  • Men (one man, many men)
  • Caraven (one caravan, many caraven)
  • Teeth (one tooth, many teeth)
  • Teethbrish (one toothbrush, many teethbrish)

Grocery Technique

When talking about more than one item of fruit or more than one vegetable, the use of one or more apostrophes at a random point is essential.

  • Apple's (one apple, many apple's)
  • Lettuce's (one lettuce, many lettuce's)
  • Cu'cumb'ers (one cucumber, many cu'cumb'ers)
  • M'a'r'r'o'w's (one marrow, many m'a'r'r'o'w's)

Words ending in -oose

When a word ends with -oose, the ending is changed to -eese. This is a phenomenon related to that of pütting döts över vöwels in Germän.

  • Geese (one goose, many geese)
  • Meese (one moose, many meese)
  • Cabeese (one caboose, many cabeese)

History of Plurals

Invention

The plural was invented in 372 AD by some accountant, apparently while counting fields. Looking for a shorthand way to avoid writing "a field and another field and another field and another field"

He decided that a form of shorthand was needed, and he prepared a lengthy presentation for the international accounting body, discussing the pros and cons of using contractions - or as it was described then "the more than one pro and the more than one con".

The paper was laughed at, mainly because his suggestion was to repeat the word.

Hence: One trampoline, two trampoline trampoline.

This approach was later adopted in Indonesia. And nowhere else.

Reinvention

The plural was reinvented in 1978, by the little-known author Douglas Adams in his radio play, A hitch-hiker, guides, and the galaxy.

In an interview with Kerrang Magazine, he explains.

“I'd just invented this set of co-ordinates. ZZ9-Plural-Z-Alpha. I thought it sounded good, and would really annoy people who insist on pronouncing Z as Zee rather than Zed. And one of the actors asked what 'plural' meant. I was just astonished that anyone had actually read the script, so I said that a plural was a shorthand for more than one of something. And the rest is history.”
~ Douglas Adams, Kerrang, June 1943

Indeed, the rest is history, as the word plural was fitted retrospectively in to every written work up to that point, and Adams' career was ruined as he was drafted in to make up new, official plurals for every single word in the English language.

Related words

Despite common belief, the word pluralism is not related to plural. However the following words of note are.

Pluto - Mickey Mouse's dog. Mickey already had a dog-thing - Goofy and hence his second dog was named after the Plural

Plook - British slang for teenage acne. So called because you never just get one.

Current Events in Plurals

It has been noted that a Plural is also a type of sea animal that closely resembles the duck-billed platypus in its body shape. It has two arms, two legs and two heads. Strangely enough, the plural of Plural is plural. Plural is as plural does.

Plural is also the name of a small rock floating in space out beyond Neptune. Some academics believe that Plural should be re-classified as a planet, and others can't be bothered to argue.

Plurals as a Resource

For Hundreds of years plurals have been used by people for a variety of purposes including, power generation, building and as an ingredient. However in the last century use of plurals in this way has fallen out of fashion and many traditions have already been lost. In 2002 the Institute for the Preservation of Pointless Traditions and other Miscellanea (IPPtm) estimated that the use of plurals outside of language had fallen by over 94% but use within language has risen by 88%. The IPPtm has pointed out that this rise in the use of plurals within language is not only putting increased strain on the worlds only plural mine in south London but forcing the traditional methods of plural usage out of business through the exorbitant cost of pure plural ($9,000/kg). A Spokes Person for Plurals Industries issued the following statement on behalf of the company, “We at PI take our responsibilities regarding the preservation of traditional plural based industries very seriously, but recent accidents in the mine and the increased usage of plurals due to lolcat means that we are struggling to keep up with demand for plurals within language.” Experts say that the south London mine is likely to run out of plurals by 2012, PI has denied this.

Related Articles

Personal tools
In other languages
projects