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Sony's latest Playstation model focuses marketing on how it educates young children.

The PlayStation was the result of Sony's coup to destroy Nintendo. The competing system that was designed to thwart Sony's coup was the Nintendo 64, a system that gave candy, nightmares and was set to destroy the years of planning that Sony had put into the project. Sony however, was prepared to offer it's won cast of memorable characters. After seeing weakness in Nintendo's new system, they concluded that the PlayStation was ready to knock out the evil Nintendo Corporation. But first they had to make a sandwich.

edit Origins

Sony president Miruna Shartz entered a business deal with famed game developer Nintendo. The deal was that, if Sony provided Nintendo with exclusive use of Sony's trademark media drives, then they would develop a game console, and Sony would get their names listed in white, size 22 font on the console's white instruction manual. Sony saw this as a great opportunity for business, so they accepted. However, after failing to meet the requirements of $69K payment, Nintendo ditched Sony.

This enraged Miruna, and somehow further ignited his affection for local coworker Ken Johnson and Josh Mathews. He appointed Ken to work on a new system, one that would kick Nintendo's ass. When Ken accepted the position, he was placed in a clear, glass office directly opposite Norio's, which was then renovated to contain a one-way, see-through wall (Sony was very smart with their technology). Ken would work tirelessly all day, creating a console that would put Sony on the market. Unbeknownst to Ken, Norio would watch him work his long hours and do unspeakable things to himself as he did so. However, he was constantly ridiculed and, as such, filed for resignation under the terms: "they bullied and harassed me ):".

With Ken gone, Norio had no choice but to let Sony Music, a different divison of Sony, take care of the console. The program ended with a glorified CD player. Sony Music opted to save money by using existing pop CDs from their back catalog to create the content for the console. The decision to save money on the production also ended with the console feeling cheap and having poor sound quality. Norio was in love with the console and, after much deliberation, decided to christen the console "Playstation".

edit Controls

Prior to the Playstation's release, the team decided to do a drive by on Nintendo headquarters, just to mess with those bastards.Two investigations followed: An investigation into the drive-by, and an investigation into japans educational system. Unfortunately, it turned out that STD% of Japan was uneducated, with the .1% actually very coincidentally ending up being President Norio himself who decided to skip the drive-by and fuck us all with the ps2 controller witch turned out to be the drive by wepon. Confused that they where now officially unintelligent, they went to Norio, who was actually himself Unintelligent, and told them to put the letters "A,B,C,D" on the controller (these where the only letters he knew). He then continued on to draw them, which ended up being shapes of . The developers had grown up learnt that A,B,C,D looked nothing like that, but they would be foolish to question the only intelligent man in Japan, so they did as requested. And thus, X,O,Triangle and Square where born. This actually did simplify gaming for many, and is rumored to be half the success of the Playstation. Later on, They invented the "Analogue Stick", and released a new controller for the system. This meant that games could be controlled using knobs, a better alternative to the Directional Pad, because they had the convenience of unreliability and stiffness, so that meant that the inconveniences of the reliability and simplicity of the D-pad could be replaced. Of course, the President suggested this idea.

edit Another System


Design plans for the PS Fiip.

When the success of the PlayStation was noticed by Norio (it took him a while to learn how to read the Sales Charts), he demanded a second system be made. However, the technology was still too crap to be acknoloedged in a PlayStation to make it a PlayStation 2, and it was better then a PlayStation 1, so they called it a "PlayStation XXX". The formula was once again, the presidents idea, who stated that he was jesus, jesus was him, and he and jesus were each other. Once again bewildered by the Presidents knowledge, the developers set out to create playstation X. Little did they know, that PSX would actually replace the acronym of PSSSSSS, and forever confuse fans of the system. The PSX slated nothing new, besides a slightly higher game compatibility rate of 1.5/304. It was another major selling point, garnishing 51 units sold in Japan, and 2 everywhere else. 53 Units was the highest benchmark possible for a company, and so Norio's dream of destroying Nintendo was sucsesfull.

edit Playstation Fiip

In an attempt for Sony to recover after the great console famine of '05, Sony released a handheld console named Fiip. The handheld could play a variety of games from the Minotaur, Flies and TixaDux platforms. However as the console only had one button, none of these games could be played on the handheld, and as a result only one console was sold.

edit Specifications

edit Hardware

  • Self Destruction Trigger-Triggers console implosion if the disc tray is opened during gameplay

(anti-piracy method)

  • Eject-LockOut-The disc tray can only be opened during gameplay.

(activates after warranty expires to ensure the system doesn't break)

  • Anti cross game chat to make sure that no matter the demand it just wont be done

edit Central Processing Unit

MIPS Chip, 5 MHz
  • Operating Performance of 0.1
  • 1KB Total RAM/Memory.
Shape Shower X V.023, gave the system power for 3D Graphics.
  • Features
    • 1 3D hexagon graphic rendering
    • 3 Frame rate per second at max
    • Waranty Performance Set at 1 year, gave the system orders to corrupt system data after one year (when warranty expired)

edit Sound Unit

  • UberSound v2.4 Chip
    • Enables high quality M.I.D.I Playback
  • 2KB sound ram

edit Others

  • CD Rom Drive (on limited consoles only)
  • Memory Card Deletion Capability (on all models)
  • Memory Card Compatibility (only on the original launch model)
  • Controller Ports (rumored feature of the ProtostionPlay, an unreleased console.

edit See also

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